Should I go to my friend's charity fundraiser in this case?

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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 4:08 am

Basically my friend has these charity events she holds. She keeps asking me to come to her paint night even, where you pay to learn how to paint for the evening, and you pay $37 USD.

But it seems a bit much and I don't even like painting. The charity is for leukemia research I think she said, but it seems like a lost cause since I don't think there has been much advancement into fixing leukemia last time I checked.

Unless I am wrong?

So I didn't want to go even though she keeps trying to talk to me into it. My gf told her that she would try to 'wear me down' as she put it. I don't know why she told her that, but now I feel more pressured to go cause my gf told her that.

What do you think? Am I being too much of a curmudgeon and should go



Raleigh
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04 Nov 2018, 6:52 am

Go to the fundraiser and if you hate it that can be your justification for never going to another one ever again.

But you never know, you might enjoy it.


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04 Nov 2018, 10:19 am

I would just give her some money as a donation instead of going. You could probably get away with donating less if your not going.


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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 1:53 pm

Well it's just I feel kind of frustrated cause my gf spoke on my behalf about it without asking me, and now my friend really wants me to go and she keeps asking me, so finally I said yes so she would be quiet about it and stop pressuring me.

But now I am frustrated at my gf cause if she hadn't spoken on my behalf about it, then my friend wouldn't have pressured me as much.

Plus I am quitting my job, which means I shouldn't just spend money on just anything.

Unless I am looking at it wrong?



nick007
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04 Nov 2018, 4:58 pm

You could hint around to your gl to pay you back for the money to go to the fundraiser or at least get her to go with you if she isn't already going.


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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 5:04 pm

Why would my gf pay me back? Are you saying that is her fault for telling my friend that she will try to wear me down and therefore it is on her to pay me back? Or what are you saying?



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04 Nov 2018, 5:22 pm

ironpony wrote:
Why would my gf pay me back? Are you saying that is her fault for telling my friend that she will try to wear me down and therefore it is on her to pay me back? Or what are you saying?
I'm saying she's partly responsible for telling your friend that & she should take some of the responsibility.


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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 5:30 pm

Yeah okay, and she said that she would offer to take responsibility, when I talked to her about it. But what should she do as a matter of taking responsibility?



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04 Nov 2018, 5:44 pm

What about the social implications of your decision to go or not?

How good of friend is she? Why is leukaemia research important to her?

If she's a close friend and she's doing this because this particular cancer affects someone close to her & so she's passionate about fundraising for research into treatments/cures etc, And if you can easily afford $37, then you should go, support her cause, do something charitable you can feel good about, and make the most of having fun with the paint night vs. attending out of obligation determined to be bored and annoyed you "wasted," $37 on something you don't care about.

If you can't afford to make a $37 donation + whatever other costs are associated with a night out (transportation, maybe food & drink etc), then the decision is much easier.. tell her you really respect her fundraising efforts and wish her all the best with them, but you simply don't have it within your budget to make a donation and have a night out.


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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 5:51 pm

Well my friend does a lot of charity fundraisers here and there. I turns out I got mixed up. This is not the leukemia one, as that was the last one she did. This new one is to build a shelter for animals. My mistake, as I did not know which one this was till now.

She works for the animal nature society, so I guess that would be important to her, which is perhaps why is asking so passionately about it.

I suppose I technically could afford it, it's just my friend is short on money at from time to time and so sometimes I offer to pay half for her, in order for her to hang out with us. So I feel that maybe if she wants me to support in this thing too, that maybe I feel like I already support her enough by treating for half of her, when we go out cause she is low, but that is just my opinion.



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04 Nov 2018, 5:54 pm

I posted after just reading the OP vs. whole thread. Just read the rest.

Thing is, you've already said Yes & committed to going. Unless you TRULY cannot afford to spend the $37, you've now got to just suck it up and go. End of story. And do Not ask your gf to pay for part of it for suggesting that you go. YOU (even though you felt pressured) agreed to go. That's on you. If you're not entirely happy with your decision, let it be a very inexpensive $37 lesson in how not do deal with these sorts of things in the future. Next time you feel pressured to attend a charity event and make a donation you don't feel like making or cannot afford, simply respectfully decline by saying something like "I really respect your fundraising efforts wish you all the best with them, but considering my upcoming changes in employment, I simply don't have it within my budget to make a donation at this time." Or something to that effect. But that's for next time. This time you've already said yes. The ONLY way you should back out now is if $37 is truly going to be a hardship for you to afford - then, even though it wouldn't exactly be good form, you might say something like "I know I agreed to come, but things have changed & I'm now between jobs and am going to have to cancel." Only do that if it's truly going to break your budget and you Cannot afford to go.. otherwise, you're in - suck it up, pay your $37, and go have fun painting something pretty.


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04 Nov 2018, 5:59 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well my friend does a lot of charity fundraisers here and there. I turns out I got mixed up. This is not the leukemia one, as that was the last one she did. This new one is to build a shelter for animals. My mistake, as I did not know which one this was till now.

She works for the animal nature society, so I guess that would be important to her, which is perhaps why is asking so passionately about it.

I suppose I technically could afford it, it's just my friend is short on money at from time to time and so sometimes I offer to pay half for her, in order for her to hang out with us. So I feel that maybe if she wants me to support in this thing too, that maybe I feel like I already support her enough by treating for half of her, when we go out cause she is low, but that is just my opinion.


Aaah, I hear ya on that.. how other $ things between friends contribute to a bigger picture. BUT, you knew all these things about her personal finances And your own generosity when you agreed to attend this event - so - even with those things taken into consideration, since you agreed to go, I think this is one of those times in life where you just need to follow through with your commitment and spend the $37.

Now that you know your budget is changing and you need to be more conservative, simply don't go out as often - especially with this friend that you end up paying for things for.. and when it's suggested that you do go out, politely decline and explain that since you left your job you simply can't afford the same things as you could before, and decided you wanted to support her animal shelter fundraiser vs. your regular pizza/beer/movie night out or whatever & that maybe you'll go back to spending more money on nights out once you're back to work.


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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 6:06 pm

Yeah I know I agreed to go, I just don't like having to keep agreements that were made based people not understanding that no means no, and they keep on persisting. I even feel my gf does not understand the meaning of the word no, since she herself told my friend that she will try to talk me into it more.

I just don't understand why I should be obligated to keep a promise that made to a person who didn't understand the word no, and kept asking.



goldfish21
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04 Nov 2018, 6:53 pm

ironpony wrote:
Yeah I know I agreed to go, I just don't like having to keep agreements that were made based people not understanding that no means no, and they keep on persisting. I even feel my gf does not understand the meaning of the word no, since she herself told my friend that she will try to talk me into it more.

I just don't understand why I should be obligated to keep a promise that made to a person who didn't understand the word no, and kept asking.


The only reason you're obligated to keep said promise is that you made it. That's it, that's all. If you hadn't committed, it'd be a different story.

Hindsight is always 20/20. If you had initially said no and then they kept asking, what you should have done is said "I already politely declined your invitation. No means no." You're not even obligated to elaborate on a reason beyond that, but a little further explanation of "I respect your fundraising cause and efforts, but it's simply not something I can afford to support at this time." They don't need to be told you're quitting your job if they don't know that.. etc. Your personal finances and spending decisions are None of their business.

But again, you didn't do that, so now you have to attend. $37 is a very inexpensive lesson in learning what happens when you give in to peoples' pressure like this. Suck it up and try to have fun that night. In the future, though, just stick to your guns and tell your gf and your friend that you won't be able to attend because you have to be very mindful of your spending right now and that is that.


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04 Nov 2018, 7:03 pm

If my mother were reading this right now, she would probably reply with something like...

"Go to the party! You might meet someone nice! And wear clean underwear, too!"

:D