Should I go to my friend's charity fundraiser in this case?

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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 7:53 pm

Yeah it's just I made the promise after she keeps asking and asking, until finally I said yes last night, after I had a few drinks at the bar, so I felt I was not in the best state of mine to make that decision last night, compared to now, where I really feel like she persisted too much to turn a no into a yes.

So can't I just say I changed my mind based on that, was that she kept asking till she made me cave after I was in a different state of mind, that was more willing to cave after a few drinks?

Should the promise count without having the right to change my mind, if you already said no like ten times, and then only said yes so the person would just be quiet about it.



goldfish21
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04 Nov 2018, 8:10 pm

Actually, you can. It's entirely up to you what you do. If you cancel, just do it assertively and politely. Maybe run it by your girlfriend first in the interest of transparency and getting her buy in. Tell your gf you want to cancel because you had already said No and you meant it because you don't want to spend the money right now. Tell her you feel you were pressured into finally saying yes after you had had a couple drinks, and now that you're reflecting on it, you're upset that you were pressured into changing your answer and are going to cancel to set the boundary that No means No, this is not something I've budgeted for nor want to spend my money on right now & so you won't be going and hope that in the future if you say No to something, one, the other, or both of them well accept and respect your decision instead of pressuring you to spend money you don't want to spend.

Prepare to deal with her possibly being argumentative about it. But if it's the way you want to go with this, do it and stick to your guns and tell her you can't just spend money because your friend wants you to, you said No for a reason and your answer is No and when you say No in the future maybe they'll then realize No means No and not "maaaaybe if you keep pestering me I'll cave."


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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 8:19 pm

Oh okay then. I've talked to a couple of friends about it and one friend said that my friend is overstepping her boundaries by asking me a lot to come, and wearing me down into saying yes after a few drinks.

She said that she is overstepping her boundaries cause since she is low on money I have paid for her in the past to help her out when we go out. Paid for things like a movie ticket here and there or a few drinks, when we go out. So I was told that I have been very nice to my friend, and that she is overstepping her boundaries by asking me pay for this charity thing of hers.

Do you think that's true?

Plus my gf is already going herself and bought her ticket, so does it look bad to my friend if I don't go with her now, and that I have recanted?



Raleigh
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04 Nov 2018, 8:29 pm

Sounds like you're having an anxiety attack over this, as you're asking everyone for input.

If you don't want to go, don't go.
You don't have to justify your decision.


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ironpony
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04 Nov 2018, 10:39 pm

Well I got some other drama in my life going on right now, so this is kind of an icing on the cake at the moment of just what I need.



Raleigh
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04 Nov 2018, 10:43 pm

^ what does that mean?


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ironpony
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06 Nov 2018, 5:12 pm

Okay thanks, well I said I don't want to, and she seemed to respond positively and said it's okay and that's fine. But now her cat died and she asked me if I want to go, using her ticket, cause she is too depressed to go now. Plus my gf who is already going, wants someone to go with.

I hope my friend doesn't expect her to pay me back though if I use the ticket so it doesn't go to waist, but do you think she expects it?



Raleigh
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06 Nov 2018, 5:26 pm

Why don't you buy her some small gift instead, since she's obviously feeling down?
That would be a nice gesture.


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ironpony
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29 Dec 2018, 12:12 am

Actually me and the friend worked it out so it's all good now. Thanks for the advice everyone!