Why do I want a girlfriend so much?

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Marknis
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08 Nov 2018, 3:28 pm

I sometimes wonder why not having a girlfriend depresses me so much and why I even want a relationship so badly. My parents have had multiple relationships throughout their lives, all of my siblings dated and are all now married (Older brother had a divorce before his current marriage, though), and my classmates were getting together all the time so I wonder if those things planted in my psyche the feeling that relationships are something one needs or you aren't complete? Why is it that I have to stop thinking about a girlfriend if I want to finally have one?



lostproperty
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08 Nov 2018, 4:13 pm

I think it's a basic need most of us have, like hunger but longer term. You can survive a day, week, year or a decade without it, but it feels like it's slowly killing you. The longing in loneliness for me was worse than close family members dying (after the initial shock wore off). It didn't get any better for me after I had been in relationships, I was drowning in the same sinking feeling in between each one and I'm now back to square one. Many NT's seem to be suffering just as much, people who find a partner for life are extremely lucky.



kraftiekortie
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08 Nov 2018, 6:12 pm

I have found that losing the impending desire for a partner.....helped me get a partner.



Prometheus18
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08 Nov 2018, 6:31 pm

Study Darwin's theory; those who lack sex drive obviously fail to pass on their genes and so over time become less well represented in the animal population. It's a weak, backward, animalistic urge that can be taken under control with practice; posting these threads so frequently won't help you get to that stage though.


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Kiprobalhato
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08 Nov 2018, 6:36 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I have found that losing the impending desire for a partner.....helped me get a partner.


that makes no sense at all.



kraftiekortie
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08 Nov 2018, 6:39 pm

It makes sense to me.

It actually happened.

When I was about 21-22-23 years old, I was desperate. In those days, girls used to just say "ewww!" and walk away.

By about age 25, when I decided I didn't need a partner, girls started liking me more.



Kiprobalhato
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08 Nov 2018, 6:42 pm

so, if you want things, you should stop wanting them.


is that the lesson lonely men are supposed to be taking away from this



kraftiekortie
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08 Nov 2018, 6:43 pm

I didn't say stop wanting!! !! !

I said....don't want so much!! !!

I don't have your brains, Kip. I don't have your looks. You frustrate me. If I looked like you and was as smart as you....

I couldn't be a Bohemian when I was 21! You have that artistic/Bohemian look down pat!



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 08 Nov 2018, 6:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Prometheus18
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08 Nov 2018, 6:44 pm

I think kraftie is right; nobody likes someone who comes off as "desperate".


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kraftiekortie
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08 Nov 2018, 6:52 pm

I bet you 90% of the women here would say you're good-looking if they saw a picture of you, Kip.

Maybe you're right. I don't understand. Maybe I'm not smart enough.

They say that the most tortured souls are almost always the most intelligent souls.



kraftiekortie
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08 Nov 2018, 7:08 pm

Sorry about that, Buddy.....

But I believe you have many virtues that will attract a decent woman.



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08 Nov 2018, 7:21 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I didn't say stop wanting!! ! ! !

I said....don't want so much!! ! !

I don't have your brains, Kip. I don't have your looks. You frustrate me. If I looked like you and was as smart as you....

I couldn't be a Bohemian when I was 21! You have that artistic/Bohemian look down pat!


oh
that wasn't clear. sorry.

(i still don't know what a bohemian is)



kraftiekortie
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08 Nov 2018, 7:25 pm

A Bohemian is an artistic, poetic-type person who is into somewhat of an alternative lifestyle. They may or not be promiscuous. But they are usually pretty sensible about things.

It can be said that Bohemians became Beatniks, who became Hippies---but that would be a gross simplification.

You look like one of those French painters/poets from the late 19th century.



blackicmenace
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08 Nov 2018, 7:32 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I bet you 90% of the women here would say you're good-looking if they saw a picture of you, Kip.

Maybe you're right. I don't understand. Maybe I'm not smart enough.

They say that the most tortured souls are almost always the most intelligent souls.


Yup, Kip is a handsome dude. I would hazard to guess Kip just needs to produce some confidence.


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Marknis
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08 Nov 2018, 7:53 pm

I am actually told by others I should have girls coming to me and when I mention that they don't, they are surprised.

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sorry about that, Buddy.....

But I believe you have many virtues that will attract a decent woman.


Unfortunately, my detractors here think I am too "messed up" and that I should either shut myself up for good or until they consider me "fit". I really wish I could hit back at them.

Can the discussion on Bohemianism go elsewhere, please?