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weez
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27 Jan 2019, 1:07 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I lost my dad about a month ago.

I couldn't really say "goodbye" to him, either.

He was on a ventilator. I could talk to him, and he can hear me. But he couldn't talk.

He passed away trying to go from one ventilator to a less severe one (one where he would have been able to talk).

True, it wasn't an "early" loss. But a loss, nevertheless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi kraftiekortie,
I am very sorry for your loss. It can be tragic at any age . It makes no difference if they were good people and good to us then it is hard. I hope your pain gets better soon. I send you best wishes.
take care !



Cafeaulait
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10 Feb 2019, 6:47 am

weez wrote:
Cafeaulait Hello ,
I am sorry it took me so long to reply! I am kinda new to wrong planet and I am just learning how to check on replies and all that stuff.
My father had pancreatitis, and went into the hospital and in the hospital other things began going bad so I don't truly know the reason but on his death certificate I believe it says pancreatitis .
I know your still missing your dad and i am missing mine as well. We always will Cafeaulait and sometimes it is not as easy to be happy for the good times. I need to try harder .
I hope you are healing some , I will always be wounded but I know I am a much better person because of my Father.

take care Cafeaulait


Hi Weez

Beautiful, thank you for your kind and inspiring words



kraftiekortie
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10 Feb 2019, 7:02 am

I thank Weez as well. And Cafe au Lait.

I’m healing pretty well. I wish the same for you two.



IstominFan
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10 Feb 2019, 10:21 am

Hugs for Kraftiekortie and anybody who has lost a parent. I lost my mom in 2011 and still miss her. I wasn't a kid, but felt like one. I have changed a lot since then and feel bad my mom never really saw me become a full adult.



Alterity
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11 Feb 2019, 1:20 am

Quote:
Has anyone else of you experienced the loss of a parent as a child? What impact did this have on you? In what way did it change your life? How did you cope with this and how do you feel about this today? How has your ASD impacted this?


I was a kid when my dad died. He wasn't exactly in my everyday life, I hadn't seen him for a few months and then he was gone. I remember the day very clearly even 23 or so years later. At the time I kind of went comatose - at least that's what I'm told. I don't honestly remember, but later on in years all the grief and anger came up. It can take awhile for these things to set in, process and go through the cycle especially for a kid like I was.

His death has messed with a lot of things in my life emotionally and with relationships. It still does; most of the time I'm fine but sometimes out of no where or I'll get triggered by something and all this turmoil about him comes through again.

I've never thought about how my ASD impacted things really. Something more to think about.


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Alita
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14 Feb 2019, 5:05 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Hi, I'm looking for companions on here because this is a very important topic for me.

I lost my dad when I was 15 years old. He suffered a hemmorhagic stroke and died after about 6 weeks in hospital. It happened so sudden. Saturday night we were playing games together and sunday morning he got taken away by the ambulance. Since he suffered a stroke he wasn't able to speak anymore. This means I never really got to say goodbye to my dad. All I did was cry when we were in the hospital visiting my dad. Seeing my sweet, cheerful father on the hospital bed in a vegitative, unresponsive state was traumatic for. I felt so incredibly sorry for my father. He was such an amazing, caring father.

When he died I pretended everything was fine. I just wanted everything to go back to normal again. I didn't want to be that weak child that everyone felt sorry for. I just continued my life and tried not to think about it too much.

Now, more than 10 years later I am really starting to realise what I lost. Evaluating and reflecting on my life so far as a twenty-something brings back old memories. Memories of my amazing dad too. The man that cared so well for us, the man that meant everything to me. I often feel a tsunami of hurt and sadness just thinking about him and realising I will never see him or talk to him again.

Has anyone else of you experienced the loss of a parent as a child? What impact did this have on you? In what way did it change your life? How did you cope with this and how do you feel about this today? How has your ASD impacted this?

I hope to find soms companions on here.

Thank you so much for your responses.


I'm so sorry you had to go through that. :(

I've lost quite a few people I loved. When I was about 15 or 16, my grandmother, who had lived with us as long as I can remember and was my best friend and second mother, had a stroke. It took away her personality leaving behind essentially an empty shell. I remember feeling angry that I wasn't allowed to grieve - "because it's not like your grandmother has died" - and yet, I felt such grief and a sense of loss that only grew stronger after she actually died. For a whole year I think I just sat staring out the window, eating Milo and playing the 'Titanic' soundtrack - I was halfway through college but couldn't get up the will to study, which resulted in me failing or being forced to pull out of a few subjects. It was the worst time of my life.

There are times I can think of her with a kind of serenity, knowing she's in a better place and we will meet again one day (I am a believer in heaven). But sometimes when I see something, like a garden of flowers (she was a flower lover), I feel an ache inside remembering how she used to say, if we had a fight or something, "One day you'll be missing me, but I'll have become fertiliser for the daffodils," and such things. :( (She was so right). :(

What I've found is the path of grief inevitably has a fork, where one road takes you to a deep, useless depression that never ends, and the other road offers you the ability to rise above the grief and loss and empowers you to become someone that would make them proud. I've taken both paths. I think the secret is not to let the things they stood for be lost but bring them to life in your own life, which is what they would have wanted. Then the best parts of them live on. We will never stop missing them, but this way we can find a way to carry on through the pain.

I'm sure your dad would have been very proud of you. I hope things get easier for you.


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Cafeaulait
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16 Mar 2019, 9:59 am

Alterity wrote:
Quote:
Has anyone else of you experienced the loss of a parent as a child? What impact did this have on you? In what way did it change your life? How did you cope with this and how do you feel about this today? How has your ASD impacted this?


I was a kid when my dad died. He wasn't exactly in my everyday life, I hadn't seen him for a few months and then he was gone. I remember the day very clearly even 23 or so years later. At the time I kind of went comatose - at least that's what I'm told. I don't honestly remember, but later on in years all the grief and anger came up. It can take awhile for these things to set in, process and go through the cycle especially for a kid like I was.

His death has messed with a lot of things in my life emotionally and with relationships. It still does; most of the time I'm fine but sometimes out of no where or I'll get triggered by something and all this turmoil about him comes through again.

I've never thought about how my ASD impacted things really. Something more to think about.


I recognize everything you've written. It's so painful and absurd to suddenly lose someone you love. In retrospect this was a traumatic experience for me. I can imagine it was for you as well.

I feel like I wasn't able to fully process his death up until a few years ago. It can be pretty hard to grieve as a child.



Cafeaulait
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16 Mar 2019, 10:10 am

Alita wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Hi, I'm looking for companions on here because this is a very important topic for me.

I lost my dad when I was 15 years old. He suffered a hemmorhagic stroke and died after about 6 weeks in hospital. It happened so sudden. Saturday night we were playing games together and sunday morning he got taken away by the ambulance. Since he suffered a stroke he wasn't able to speak anymore. This means I never really got to say goodbye to my dad. All I did was cry when we were in the hospital visiting my dad. Seeing my sweet, cheerful father on the hospital bed in a vegitative, unresponsive state was traumatic for. I felt so incredibly sorry for my father. He was such an amazing, caring father.

When he died I pretended everything was fine. I just wanted everything to go back to normal again. I didn't want to be that weak child that everyone felt sorry for. I just continued my life and tried not to think about it too much.

Now, more than 10 years later I am really starting to realise what I lost. Evaluating and reflecting on my life so far as a twenty-something brings back old memories. Memories of my amazing dad too. The man that cared so well for us, the man that meant everything to me. I often feel a tsunami of hurt and sadness just thinking about him and realising I will never see him or talk to him again.

Has anyone else of you experienced the loss of a parent as a child? What impact did this have on you? In what way did it change your life? How did you cope with this and how do you feel about this today? How has your ASD impacted this?

I hope to find soms companions on here.

Thank you so much for your responses.


I'm so sorry you had to go through that. :(

I've lost quite a few people I loved. When I was about 15 or 16, my grandmother, who had lived with us as long as I can remember and was my best friend and second mother, had a stroke. It took away her personality leaving behind essentially an empty shell. I remember feeling angry that I wasn't allowed to grieve - "because it's not like your grandmother has died" - and yet, I felt such grief and a sense of loss that only grew stronger after she actually died. For a whole year I think I just sat staring out the window, eating Milo and playing the 'Titanic' soundtrack - I was halfway through college but couldn't get up the will to study, which resulted in me failing or being forced to pull out of a few subjects. It was the worst time of my life.

There are times I can think of her with a kind of serenity, knowing she's in a better place and we will meet again one day (I am a believer in heaven). But sometimes when I see something, like a garden of flowers (she was a flower lover), I feel an ache inside remembering how she used to say, if we had a fight or something, "One day you'll be missing me, but I'll have become fertiliser for the daffodils," and such things. :( (She was so right). :(

What I've found is the path of grief inevitably has a fork, where one road takes you to a deep, useless depression that never ends, and the other road offers you the ability to rise above the grief and loss and empowers you to become someone that would make them proud. I've taken both paths. I think the secret is not to let the things they stood for be lost but bring them to life in your own life, which is what they would have wanted. Then the best parts of them live on. We will never stop missing them, but this way we can find a way to carry on through the pain.

I'm sure your dad would have been very proud of you. I hope things get easier for you.


Thank you for your kind words.

Must be hard to lose your grandmother, especially if she was like a mom to you. Grandparents can be so precious.



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Snowy Owl
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Yesterday, 1:30 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
Alterity wrote:
Quote:
Has anyone else of you experienced the loss of a parent as a child? What impact did this have on you? In what way did it change your life? How did you cope with this and how do you feel about this today? How has your ASD impacted this?


I was a kid when my dad died. He wasn't exactly in my everyday life, I hadn't seen him for a few months and then he was gone. I remember the day very clearly even 23 or so years later. At the time I kind of went comatose - at least that's what I'm told. I don't honestly remember, but later on in years all the grief and anger came up. It can take awhile for these things to set in, process and go through the cycle especially for a kid like I was.

His death has messed with a lot of things in my life emotionally and with relationships. It still does; most of the time I'm fine but sometimes out of no where or I'll get triggered by something and all this turmoil about him comes through again.

I've never thought about how my ASD impacted things really. Something more to think about.


I recognize everything you've written. It's so painful and absurd to suddenly lose someone you love. In retrospect this was a traumatic experience for me. I can imagine it was for you as well.

I feel like I wasn't able to fully process his death up until a few years ago. It can be pretty hard to grieve as a child.


Dealing with a death is always hard, but unexpected deaths are especially.

Children's minds are still developing and so are their emotional centers. Their ability to deal and cope is limited, so I suspect that's why when we experience this kind of loss as kids it ends up kind of deferred until we are able to process it. Well process it from a developmental stand point.

There's other aspects that come in when losing a parent early. Various things we were still ment to learn from them, for instance, now has to be found else where... or just never be put in place. So the trauma from loss of them is also a loss of what was yet to be. I often try to figure how much the loss of father has played in my relationships. So in that I suppose I am continuing to try to cope with his loss.


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"Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world."