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HHUK
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19 Nov 2018, 4:32 pm

Every time I try living with a boyfriend who I love, my head explodes. I would like to blame it on the 101 little things he gets ‘wrong’ every day but I think it’s more than that. I think the interaction with another human is purely overwhelming. Is there any hope or should I just accept that it’s bettr to live alone?



HighLlama
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19 Nov 2018, 4:49 pm

HHUK wrote:
I would like to blame it on the 101 little things he gets ‘wrong’ every day


Not sure what you mean by that part.

I think it's hard to share space, primarily for sensory reasons.


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Piobaire
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19 Nov 2018, 5:58 pm

Any relationship is based upon a high tolerance for each other's idiosyncrasies.
My Beloved is an NT, and we're very happy together.



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19 Nov 2018, 9:09 pm

Absolutely.

They'll need to be patient and understanding though. If I was married to me, I'd have thrown myself out years ago, but so far my wife has decided to keep me.


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19 Nov 2018, 10:17 pm

I understand that in many cases it can but it takes a lot of consistent work for both people. My ex-husband is NT and my now ex-boyfriend is NT. Neither one of those worked for me because I was used due to the fact that I'm different and easy to take advantage of. I have been diligently working at and I'm still willing to work at the relationship I just got out of but it takes two to tango, I can't do it all myself. There, I said it, at least now I'm able to see that. I am currently telling myself I don't ever want to be in another relationship with anyone again.



Mona Pereth
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19 Nov 2018, 10:26 pm

In order for a relationship to work well, both you and your partner need to communicate clearly. I suggest Googling the following:

- assertiveness
- active listening
- giving and receiving constructive criticism

I would suggest that both you and your significant other study any good tutorials you find on these topics. (Note: The stuff about eye contact and body language can be ignored if you're uncomfortable with or incapable of it.)

You also need to figure out exactly WHAT about the relationship is making you feel overwhelmed, and what sorts of things both you and your significant other can do to make it less overwhelming.

Also, if you have not done so already, you might want to look into whether, besides being autistic, you also have a mood disorder such as depression -- and, if so, get treatment for that. Depression makes relationships MUCH harder, in many ways and on many levels, than they would be otherwise.


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20 Nov 2018, 7:28 am

I think a man would need a lot of patience to deal with me. I don't know if any man would marry a woman who attained many life skills very late.



CockneyRebel
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20 Nov 2018, 1:04 pm

I don't think that living with any partner would work for me.


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nephets
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20 Nov 2018, 1:37 pm

Been married for 14 years and have 2 children. It does get difficult. NT's struggle to understand our need to remove ourselves from their company to re-charge. It can be done, though. I mutter under my breath about the things she gets wrong and she tells me when I get things wrong. It's really like living with someone who speaks a different language, which is nearly intelligible, but just out of reach of your comprehension.



jamthis12
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21 Nov 2018, 1:53 am

Yeah if I ever got close enough to someone that I moved in with them, I'd definitely need my own space. And any partner would need to understand that I'm not trying to be mean or give you the cold shoulder when I isolate; I just need to recharge my batteries.


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johntober
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21 Nov 2018, 11:45 am

It may work but it would require a great deal of understanding and empathy from the NT. You may share common interests but they can never fully comprehend being Autistic. NTs are SO loud! It’s better being alone.



HHUK wrote:
Every time I try living with a boyfriend who I love, my head explodes. I would like to blame it on the 101 little things he gets ‘wrong’ every day but I think it’s more than that. I think the interaction with another human is purely overwhelming. Is there any hope or should I just accept that it’s bettr to live alone?