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Arganger
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21 Nov 2018, 9:32 am

I have never been on a date, so I'm curious how others on the spectrum have handled it.


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Suspected; PTSD (Treated, as my counselor did notice), possible PCOS, PMDD, Learning disabilities (Sure of it, unknown what they are), possibly something wrong with immune system (Sick about as much as I'm not) Possible EDS- hyper mobility type (Will be getting tested, suggested by doctor) dysautonomia


Fnord
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21 Nov 2018, 9:34 am

I walked up to her, said 'Hello', told her my name, and then said something stupid that made her laugh.

If only I could remember what it was.



kraftiekortie
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21 Nov 2018, 9:44 am

I wanted to ask girls out on dates----because I've liked girls since I was 5. When I turned 15, I started viewing girls differently. I started wanting to marry them, and to be romantic with them.

I didn't get up the nerve to ask a girl out on a date until I was 16.



Mona Pereth
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21 Nov 2018, 11:18 am

I feel very fortunate in that I've managed to get into a variety of relationships while avoiding mainstream dating rituals completely.

My impressions of mainstream dating rituals are, to me, absolutely stomach-turning.

At some point, when I have more time, I will write about my experiences in detail.


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roronoa79
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21 Nov 2018, 11:32 am

Around 8th grade I started making friends who were girls and some of them started liking me so I asked one of them out. My first girlfriend I dated was a friend of a friend who had a crush on me who started liking me too. My advice to guys who have trouble finding girlfriends is to just learn to be friends with women without caring about dating them. I prefer to make sure I enjoy just hanging out with someone platonically before diving into dating where the emotional stakes are higher.


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kraftiekortie
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21 Nov 2018, 11:44 am

I always say that—be FRIENDS with women.



shortfatbalduglyman
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21 Nov 2018, 12:38 pm

How is marriage or dating possible with autism?

A disproportionate number of autistics are unemployed. Have few or zero friends. Have unusual special interests. Have no $$. Meltdown


How many austics even want romantic relationship?



superaliengirl
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21 Nov 2018, 12:48 pm

I went online on dating apps. Never had a problem getting a date it would just sort of happen naturally he ask me out or I ask him out after chatting for a while.



that1weirdgrrrl
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21 Nov 2018, 1:09 pm

i met guys irl through common interests, social circles, and when i got older, dating apps.



SabbraCadabra
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21 Nov 2018, 3:52 pm

In 12th grade, my best friend told me that one of his friends (whom I had met a couple times) wanted to ask me out to a school dance, with the intent of asking me to prom following that dance. We also ended up going out to a movie (The Amazing Spider-Man).

I think that was about the extent of it, we only dated for about two weeks before she broke it off.

A lot of my other girlfriends were friends of friends, until I started meeting girls online.


There were also a couple girls in middle school where we would flirt with each other a lot in class...I don't know if that counts or not, I never had the courage to ask them out, and I had no idea what we would even do on a date. It seemed weird to me, at the time, to imagine kids our age going on dates.


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Arganger
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21 Nov 2018, 4:03 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
How is marriage or dating possible with autism?

A disproportionate number of autistics are unemployed. Have few or zero friends. Have unusual special interests. Have no $$. Meltdown


How many austics even want romantic relationship?


I know a lot of married autistics.
And I personally would like a relationship, as would a lot of us. Of course, someone who understands my needs so my buttons aren't being pushed 24/7. I don't see myself dating a hyper NT or anything, but not everyone is one.


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Diagnosed autistic level 2, ODD, anxiety, dyspraxic, essential tremors, depression (Doubted), CAPD, hyper mobility syndrome
Suspected; PTSD (Treated, as my counselor did notice), possible PCOS, PMDD, Learning disabilities (Sure of it, unknown what they are), possibly something wrong with immune system (Sick about as much as I'm not) Possible EDS- hyper mobility type (Will be getting tested, suggested by doctor) dysautonomia


Kitty4670
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21 Nov 2018, 4:29 pm

superaliengirl wrote:
I went online on dating apps. Never had a problem getting a date it would just sort of happen naturally he ask me out or I ask him out after chatting for a while.



I’m on a dating app, OkCupid, I’m talking to a guy, but he told me he’s a crossed dress, never talked to one of those.


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Kitty4670
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21 Nov 2018, 4:33 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I always say that—be FRIENDS with women.


I always say it too, friends First get to know them, when you meet in person, it may not be awkward & alot of silences.


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roronoa79
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21 Nov 2018, 4:55 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
How is marriage or dating possible with autism?

A disproportionate number of autistics are unemployed. Have few or zero friends. Have unusual special interests. Have no $$. Meltdown


How many austics even want romantic relationship?


Yeah, a lot of autistic people deal with those problems, but then if you were to try to date someone else who was autistic they would at least be able to better understand where you're coming from.

I've met autistic people who run the whole spectrum from aromantic to hopelessly romantic. Still, I feel like disinterest in romantic relationships is still probably more common with those on the spectrum than with neurotypicals, at least in my experience. Probably a consequence of awkward social skills and comorbidity with other disorders which make socializing or intimacy less appealing.


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CubsBullsBears
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21 Nov 2018, 5:53 pm

I found my first GF when I was 13. It was a girl that had moved her Social Studies period to the period that I had it. The first day that I saw her, we had a dance right after school that day. At that dance, I convinced her to slow dance with me. That was my first time dancing with a girl. Towards the end of the dance, I asked her out, and she said yes!

The excitement didn't last long, however. A couple weeks, later, she broke up with me. We got back together a week later, dated for another week, then we went to a movie together. Long story short, after the movie, we had to wait a while for both our parents, and I really wanted to kiss her for the first time. We kissed a few times. One of the times I tried frenching her. At first she said "I'm not good at that", but didn't appear mad.

A little bit after I got home that night, she told me that she was so grossed out by that, and she broke up with me again. This time for good.

I had no idea how wrong it was to do that. It's a prime example of how I always don't know that what I'm doing is wrong until it's too late. Something that's bitten me in the butt so many times during my teenage years. Her not understanding that I had aspergers didn't help either.



Mona Pereth
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21 Nov 2018, 7:29 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
How is marriage or dating possible with autism?

A disproportionate number of autistics are unemployed. Have few or zero friends. Have unusual special interests. Have no $$.
Meltdown

These are systematic problems that can be addressed only as a community, not as individuals.

Solving the money problem, for all but a few of us, will require new models of work and employment. (I have some thoughts about this that I'll share later, when I have more time.)

The unusual special interests can be harnessed to help people make friends, at least within the community.

Those who have meltdowns would have fewer of them in a more autistic-friendly world. Yet another problem that can best be solved as a community.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
How many austics even want romantic relationship?

Significantly more autistics (especially men) want them than have them. We need to figure out how the community can make this easier.

For those who don't want them, it's not a problem.


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- My life as one of the many belatedly-diagnosed autistic older people.
- Queens discussion group on Meetup.com.


Last edited by Mona Pereth on 21 Nov 2018, 8:00 pm, edited 4 times in total.