Ableism Rant

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I am learning I truly hate ableism. I have people telling me I'm not broken and that spending time on the computer takes away from the rest of my life (like my kids). That just angers me. I'm on the computer as much as I am because I'm disabled. I am broken. I have the diagnoses! This is where I find my news. This is where I talk to my friends. This is where I unwind. This is where I post my art and run my business. This is where I research. On top of all of that, I'm normally working on some sort of project or watching tv or doing stuff with the kids at the same time. In one particular case, the person accusing me of somehow wasting my life on the computer spends WAY more time on the computer playing one specific game that I ever would!

I might be at my computer a lot, but I still take my kids everywhere and homeschool them and go camping and so on.
I do WAY more family stuff with my kids than some of these people have ever done with theirs. I'm just on the computer a lot because i can only be up and about so much before the pain and fatigue set in. When I'm out doing those things with my kids it's through high level pain and fatigue that I can't just medicate away, sometimes nausea as well. Focusing on the screen and things online helps me focus through the pain and fatigue.

NO ONE insults my parenting. I grew up in an abusive household and i am breaking that cycle. I'm raising special needs kids. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt and every single adult who knows my boys is impressed by them. My younger son has the lead male role in a K-12 play with a cast of 90+ kids at age 11 and he's autistic with social deficits! NO ONE gets to say I'm a bad mom

Today I can't even swallow right because of my throat healing from surgery. It takes two tries for each bite and it makes me want to whimper in pain and I'm STILL helping my younger son with his schoolwork. I work harder than anyone I know just to get through each day because I can't just take a pill to make things better because my body doesn't allow that so I spend every day fighting against my brain and my body just to exist. And I almost never actually complain about any of it either! I acknowledge it because it affects what i can and can't do, but I don't complain.

NO ONE gets to accuse me of not doing my absolute best. NO ONE. Not ever!

I just had two discs replaced in my back after 3 weeks of terror because I have phobias of very literally everything involved. I still went in though. I still had it done. Terror or not, I did it.

I am broken. I have a list of diagnoses probably as close to as tall as I am. It is part of who and what i am. Broken doesn't mean a failure it means I face challenges. I dare anyone to live my life for a month. Most people wouldn't make it a week! I'm broken but I haven't given up. Not even with my brain yelling at me that I should 24 freaking 7. Let some of these people who make these judgments live with that, cope with that, run a household and raise kids like that! Keep the ableist junk to yourselves until you take a turn at my life.

It sounds like you are fairly able.

I looked up the word Ableism. Ableism is discrimination and social prejudice against people with disabilities. Ableism characterizes persons as defined by their disabilities and as inferior to the non-disabled. On this basis, people are assigned or denied certain perceived abilities, skills, or character orientations.

From my viewpoint, whoever implied that you were not able should be forced to walk the plank on the Jolly Roger (Captain Hook's pirate ship).

Maybe we should chant
WALK THE PLANK
WALK THE PLANK
WALK THE PLANK

Does anyone else want to join in?

puzzledoll, I hope the rant got it out of your system. These ableist people don't deserve an ounce of your energy.

Although you are doing a great job, I really want you to delegate or postpone a little bit while you give yourself the time to recover from surgery. Can other family members fill in for a little while?

Take care.

I don’t see you as being “broken,” to be honest.

I am on the Spectrum. I have psychological problems. I am not “broken.”

f**k my life. u so highlited what i hate myself. get up, get going. as if i dont when i can. never heed it when i say i cant. ya. i mean, puzzledoll, u have it worse than i do. and u cope better than i do. and f**k those people. just seriously, have them f****d right off. i got up and got going a few too many times. im still trying to do that again. i mean im feeling u. i live with pain too. i f**k up more than i want. hope those disks are settting in btw. post surgery should be the time when everybody in ur life would be taking care of u. if no-when else. last time i was really taken care of consistently for some time, was after i gave birth. then ya, get up and get going. who cares u got one more untreatable systemic failure, who cares (long list of things not relevant here). if i took pills for everything i should, i wouldnt have place for food left in my stomach xD (or time for anything, given that most pills gotta be organised in 10 different ways and taking a complex treatment is such a goddamn mess every time). but ya. hidden disabilities. if u have a leg nobody cares its not really good one. they start caring when u dont have a leg at all. what i am saying is, just like u wrote, that person actually doesnt do better, they do worse. they just.want.to make their own mess look less disgusting by picking at u. up their self esteem at ur expence. yes, it is so f*****g enfuriating. feeling to b***h at that sad stupid twitch. but well just see them for what they are - ENVIOUS sucker. and have them f****d off. please forgive my language.

(also totally and most fully relating for the computer dependence itself. yep, thats me. my gateway to life, ya)

I hope the rant helped you. I truly hate it when people who wouldn't be able to deal with half the s**t i went through shoves their opinion on me. And you're raising kids and homeschooling them, that's a whole kind of badassery alone!

Theres nothing wrong with being on the computer all the time as long as you take care of your responsibilitys. Everyone is on the computer all the time.

I'm often told I shouldn't be exactly anywhere except at a computer, or rather I'm not often told to be anywhere else so it seems like my full ability doesn't extend anywhere else.

For what it's worth, it's more important to have good ergonomics around your computer than it is to worry about someone's opinion of your uses for one. I actually really need to get my neck checked out myself - too much typing will exacerbate these things. There are better keyboards, mice & monitors out there if fatigue is a problem around your machine. Eye strain is the other concern. Electronics shouldn't make us any less able.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Thank you everyone. I was dealing with a lot of things all at once that day and it just had to come out. I am glad this is a safe place for things like that.

And I do understand people being uncomfortable with others using the word broken to describe themselves. To me the word isn't a bad thing. Many things are broken and if you have all the pieces they are still just fine (lego sets, puzzles, etc). Broken is just a state of not being put together. It can be good or bad, depending on the person or thing and the instance of being broken. Like right now I am broken because I am recovering from surgery. I have sutures holding the broken bits together. The fibromyalgia and bipolar also mean I am broken (as in not working as per manufacturers instructions). It's simply a state I'm in, not a judgement of myself. It's when people expect me to act as though I'm NOT in actuality broken (sorry, can't make bipolar and fibro go away -insert eye roll here-) that I start getting annoyed, especially when I get judged for things that help me function at a more top of the bell curve level.

it is just highly inconsiderate of them to object to ur statement. the way u feel about urself is only urs. only u can define it. and if u share it, well, i consider myself graced with explanation. SO should everybody else. and ya i also refer to myself as broken/damaged/twisted. thats how i feel. i warn people about it. they often dont heed. and ya there is that moment, that people think about their feelings (ie being incomfortable with a broken person) much more, than about feelings of that person. they should be looking out for u, instead they press ur edges. existing in broken, not-put-togather, damaged state can be done. as u well know. and ofc, needing to just vent is well, good. good that u can do that. its hard on its own, but u managed that. please update us at ur convenience on changes in ur state) we care)

I'm disabled as well. I have the diagnoses. I don't consider myself broken; I just try to find things to do to get out and get my mind off of things.