So many crushes on guy friends

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I am married and faithful. However, I get crushes ALL. THE. TIME.

I tend to find kindred spirits who are men. Sweet, kind, attractive, men. In fact, unattractive men seem attractive when they have joy and a kind spirit. I am older but look younger and am told I'm beautiful. I find myself in friendships with 20- or 30- something men who are just awesome people, and I would like nothing more than to hang with them all the time (it feels SO much more comfortable than being with the women-friends I have, even though they are just as wonderful).

I feel like a bad friend to my women friends when I think about how much more excited (and comfortable) I am to spend time with male friends. I have sometimes wondered if the male attention is more of an ego boost or adrenaline fix because of the additional crush feelings I feel. I have avoided/ended so many friendships because I felt like a Christian wife shouldn't be speaking to other men on a regular basis... but now that I understand I'm an Aspie and understand more about my social comfort level , I have started to allow male friendships to be a part of my life again...

Looking back, I have had strong friendships with males since I was little... and always there has been this crush element to it, too. I still carry crush feelings for past friends from 20 years ago. I occasionally dream about male friends from my past and in my dreams we hug or kiss romantically, and it feels so good. I want to be able to have friendships that feel good, which is more & more pulling me towards various guys... but I don't want to feel like a dishonest wife, which is sometimes the case when I focus on these crushes 'too much'. I'd love some wisdom shared on this...

Hi,

It seems like you are a female version of my AS husband.

I really don’t have any answers but my theory is that my husband had a very close relationship with his mum and his dad couldn’t be bothered with him. I think this has led to my husband only to be able to relate to women. He cannot form relationships with men.

He also has crushes on women. Again my theory is that our relationship can be difficult and he sees me as complaining too much. These women don’t live with him and only see him on his best behaviour, and vice versa. It is like he lives in the fantasy world, escape from reality.

Could this be you? I would just say enjoy your crushes in your head and just make sure you don’t cross the line.