I find it harder making friends with women than I do men

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I'm a homosexual man and it seems to be a stereotype that gay men get along better with women more than they do men (or rather straight men).

Yet ironically that's not the case with me. I have very few female friends and most of those friendships don't last very long, but I have a lot of male friends both gay and straight.

I find that a lot of straight guys really aren't as homophobic as people think.

So I thought I'd ask the ladies here on Wrong Planet why they think I get along better with guys? I mean I don't hate women at all I just find it weird that I don't have any close female friends despite being pretty effeminate myself. I even consider myself an old school feminist and I admire strong intelligent women who don't care about what society thinks of them.

Also are there any women here with a lot of male friends who can relate?

As a gay man myself, I find what you say about it being easier for gay males to relate to females to be right on. However, I've never heard of this rising to the level of a gay-man stereotype. I have always been sort of afraid of guys due to the abuse I endured at their hands at an early age. I wonder if that can be the same reason that gay guys gravitate towards girls.



You seem to be a very out and proud sort of guy. But there are a lot of men, especially older men who are anything but out and proud. Growing up, I learned that my sexuality was illegal. My formative years taught me to veer off of the subject of sexuality whenever it came up. In the company of guys, that seems like an impossible task; it's the main thing guys talk about besides competitive sports. But women can talk real about feelings and emotions, in a way that doesn't over-emphasize sexual aspects of a relationship.



It only takes one homophobic guy to ruin your day though. The surest way to avoid that guy is to hang out with ladies.



Sorry, I'm no lady. However, I think that the answer to your question lies in the life experiences of the individual gay guy. A guy who has had enough affirming experiences from males regarding his sexuality will associate normally with men. Whereas, a guy who has had enough non-affirming experiences with males regarding his sexuality will avoid the company of males.

I admit I have experienced homophobia and bullying when I was younger (even though my mom seems to deny it ever happened to me I still remember all the insults I put up with). But things seemed to change as I got older and now most of the guys I know seem OK about my sexuality in both real life and on the internet. Even in a place as redneck as Georgia things don't seem as bad as they used to be and I feel more comfortable about being myself.

I don't know if it's because some guys change as they get older or if it's because we live in a more tolerant generation now. But I guess I have more positive experiences with guys now so I find it easier to befriend them.

Plus I feel like guys tend to be more straight forward about how they feel about a person than women do. They let you know right away if they accept you or not but women on the other hand aren't always so direct and they tend to beat around the bush a lot expecting a person to read their mind. For an Aspie who's not good at picking up on social cues that can be a nightmare so maybe that's why I find it easier to talk to men?

Yet just like you I also relate more to women than I do men. I'm just not friends with a lot of females for some odd reason. But I do respond better to a female authority figure than I do a male authority figure. When men raise their voices or bark orders at me I feel very intimidated and I shut down lol.

I'm pretty uncomfortable with anyone, but men more so than women.

I admit that I feel less threatened by females than I do males, but I seem to get along with guys more than girls. Most of my buddies are guys.

I have never gotten along well with girls/women. I have almost always bonded closer to guys, with a few exceptions. Part of it is that guys tend to be much more straight forward about things. Like if they are going to be asshats and ruin your reputation it's because it will bolster theirs. Women on the other hand are much more complicated to deal with. I've learned quite a few of them will hurt you just for spite. There was a dad I knew, who had both boys and girls and he put it this way, "Boys will get in a brawl and then go play, girls will tear apart your soul."

I've heard people say that guys are usually more forgiving than girls are.

But I'm sure that's not true for all guys and girls. I'm a guy and I can't let go of grudges.

But I also never had any positive male role models in my life. I was raised by a single mother with too many jerk husbands, was closer to my sister than I was my two brothers, and I had a lot more grandmothers and aunts than I did grandfathers and uncles.

I guess I had a lot more female influence in my life. But maybe I seek out guys for friendship to make up for the fatherly attention I was deprived of as a boy?

yeah i have that too
idk maybe i miss the motivation also, and i don't get what's the competition amongst women
(when you think you became friends the ladies seem to think you did something wrong?)
otoh, not that all men are easy, (i had quite the storm of (old) men against me; everything you had learned ever is wrong, no men is too ... much men to gather all his male-allies to obstruct one woman) (it gives them something to do...in the day time)

I admit I don't get along with all guys, some guys are just as*holes and they can stab their friends in the back too. Also I get really annoyed by straight guys who hate on women and are always whining and complaining about how no woman wants to sleep with them. I wonder why no woman wants to be with guys like that?

I don't know any gay guys who do that. As much as I talk about sex I'm still a virgin and I don't hate on men and wallow in despair every day just because I can't get laid.

puzzledoll,
I agree 10000%. In fact, I agree with virtually everything you ever write. I really enjoy your posts and find that we have many things in common. I hope you are doing well from your surgery and that we can chat sometime even though we are both women! EGADS!

If you have Aspergers you may be unable to make the "close connections" that females expect of their close friends, so they move away. My closest female friends know I have Aspergers, as you wouldn't keep something that important a secret from your friends.

I never keep my aspergers a secret from anybody. I'm very much an open book when it comes to anything about me. But I'm not good at picking up on social ques and I feel like a lot of females expect people to be able to read their minds. I can't read minds.

Join the club. Women are mysterious and rather intimidating, in my opinion. They have much more subtlety than men, they are better at disguising their feelings, and I find it very hard to keep up with their social trajectories.

I guess that's why the femme fatale is such a popular archetype in stories. The mysterious and dangerous woman who manipulates the hero and hides her true intentions from him.

I actually like those kinds of characters on TV but in real life they can be pretty annoying.

I've always gotten along much easier with women than men.
I'm the reverse of the usual, it seems.

Read "You're The Only One I Can Tell" by Deborah Tannen. It clarified a LOT for me. Hope it does the same for you.