Why is 30 seen as a deadline to achieve your goals by ?

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chris1989
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09 Dec 2018, 1:06 pm

I seem to think that turning 30 is a time to settle down and not enjoy life as much as in the twenties as though its still classed as middle age like 40, 50 and 60. I seem to think its a requirement to achieve your goals and dreams in your twenties before you're 30. I seem to feel like I haven't achieved very much, at 20, I was still college, at 21 finished college, I had panic attacks due to stress of finishing college and did volunteering as I couldn't find a paid-job, at 22 applied for university and got a place and worked there for only a four months until I had to stop going as I found the work rather stressful and never went back and after that I was out of work and did a Prince's trust course but it didn't get me anyway, at 23, still out of work but attended employment courses but to no avail, at 24, still out of work having moved from Kent to Essex and signed up for work there, had a numerous interviews but not all gave me a job, at 25 still out of work, did employment courses and had interviews still nothing, I did get some offers but some of them I turned down and maybe because I was being rather picky, and maybe I was a bit workshy because I never had a paid job at that time, at 26 I did some work experience and then took the job I am doing when I was 27, 28 and now. I do still at times feel like no body though, for a few years I've been trying to do my own book but its taken me a while as my ideas change and its frustrating. I do get jealous when I hear of people who are for example 22, 23, 24 and 25 and look like they've achieved their goals and are living the high life and their dreams, seeing the world, own their own places and drive and run their own business and so on like on I see on The Apprentice on TV. I seem to think everyone in their twenties right now has achieved or is achieving their goals and I haven't at 29. I still don't have a career and still haven't written my book. In between 22 and 26 I feel like I've wasted my time and 4 years of my life trying to find the path to my own destiny and that its too late now to do it at 29 or 30 and over. I shouldn't really blame the economic climate as the cause of my circumstances of then being out of work which I feel is my fault. I know I've posted stuff about this topic before but its one of the things that plays on my mind at times. I know ages of young adulthood vary, sometimes it ranges from 18 to 39 but I seem to think if you're 35 and over its not considered young anymore. Why can't you achieve your goals in the 30s ?



BeaArthur
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09 Dec 2018, 1:39 pm

Why don't you and Marknis discuss this in PMs? You both seem fixated by the age of 30, and you both obsess about being jealous of what other people have. We have made little to no headway with Marknis, maybe the two of you can do something for each other.


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quite an extreme
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09 Dec 2018, 1:49 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Why don't you and Marknis discuss this in PMs? You both seem fixated by the age of 30, and you both obsess about being jealous of what other people have. We have made little to no headway with Marknis, maybe the two of you can do something for each other.

Good idea! :thumright:


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09 Dec 2018, 4:29 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Why don't you and Marknis discuss this in PMs? You both seem fixated by the age of 30, and you both obsess about being jealous of what other people have. We have made little to no headway with Marknis, maybe the two of you can do something for each other.
Excellent idea, Bea! They could form their own club where they commiserate on their experiences, fears and prejudices without feeling threatened by the rest of us or enraged by our suggestions.



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09 Dec 2018, 4:37 pm

I never had any dread of 30. I kind of always wanted to get to 30. It felt like the age I ought to be. I didn't really have any solid ambitions to be honest.so I didn't feel like I had failed. I don't want a career, just enough to pay my mortgage and other bills and a bit left over to save and to have fun with.

I never felt any pressure to be anything.

The only thing that jarred me was at around 34 I realised that my peers who had settled down in relationships didn't want to hang out with single me anymore. That really sucked. Really knocked my confidence. Like I wasn't good enough anymore.

Well I moved and made new friends. I'm doing a lot better now.


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Last edited by hurtloam on 09 Dec 2018, 5:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IstominFan
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09 Dec 2018, 4:44 pm

I was a very late starter in terms of my adult milestones. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 48.

My 30s were pretty good. My 40s were very depressing, but my 50s have, so far, been pretty good. I think it would have been a lot easier if I had started doing certain things earlier. I would have been a lot more prepared and certain small things would have become routine.

I am not usually one to compare myself with others but, now that I have more social experience, I see the differences between myself and others. Although people see me as a good person and as intelligent, I realize that my maturational process was not normal. Not everyone became something fabulous, but they more or less grew up.



KyCoo
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10 Dec 2018, 5:02 am

That's the standard assumption but 90% people don't even figure out what they really want to do in life until 30. So it's ok to feel that way.



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10 Dec 2018, 7:46 am

I'm 46 and I just graduated college. My future is bright. It's never too late to do something new. If you exercise and eat well you might live an extra 15 to 20 years than average that can be used for productive work. I totally expect to work another 30 years.


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IstominFan
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10 Dec 2018, 9:58 am

y-pod,

That is a good attitude. As a late starter in everything (except education, which seems irrelevant in comparison to life skills), I have learned to enjoy every accomplishment. I find that the times I am most bothered by my differences are those times I have been procrastinating on accomplishing certain chores and need to do and letting them back up. I feel so behind, until I actually start doing them.

I notice the people who do the best in life acquired life skills first before beginning a college education. I sometimes think I may have been better off learning normal things first. For a long time, I felt like the stereotype of the educated person with no life skills.



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10 Dec 2018, 10:05 am

I got into a relationship and bought a home in my 30s. Paid off the mortgage and learned a ton of relationship skills in my 40s. It helps to have an NT partner that will share their knowledge of how they think the NT world works. Still learning lots of stuff in my 50s.

I reduce stress by gardening. Studies suggest that people who garden live longer. :wink: