I really need help and not getting it

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I had my uncle cuss me and my husband out over the simple fact he asked my husband for money and he refused. My uncle went as far as to saying that he will never be in our lives again and the next time he sees my husband he's going to punch him in the mouth. This sent me into a meltdown but the hospital is tired of me showing up and just sent me home. The crisis line says I need to distract myself. My pdoc won't address the meltdowns. The therapists have a wait list and they say if I go to another one there will be huge copays.

I'm getting to the point where last night I had to tell them I wanted to die to at first take me seriously but then when I felt bad about lying and just said please help me they released me saying the hospital was for sick people, not for people "just upset"

What specific help do you need?
it sounds like you just want someone to talk to.

May you be well, free of suffering, and at peace.

Maybe you need to find something yourself that helps with meltdowns, which I think are inevitable anyway.
Does distraction help?
Does walking help?
Does compression help?
Does pinching yourself or whacking the back of your hands together help?
Lying on the floor?
A cold shower?
Rocking back and forth?
What did they do at the hospital in the past?
Talk therapy, or did they give you a sedative?

I've had severe meltdowns since I was a child and little helps. The behavior has disabled me more than anything else in my life.

You can find ways to relieve pressure daily.
You can start questioning yourself, like "is it life threatening?"
You can accept that you have meltdowns and they will disable you but they will pass.

First, good for your husband in refusing to hand over money. You two are struggling already. I don't know the details, of course, but sometimes "no" is the correct answer.

Second, which uncle is this? Your evil one at the trailer court, or the one in your current city?

The fact that you have had meltdowns since childhood might mean you are one very sick puppy.... or it MIGHT mean that your family life was full of drama and turmoil, and it gives you flashbacks today that look like meltdowns. From all the things you have said about relatives, I'm leaning towards the second interpretation, admittedly on scant information.

Is it possible for your husband to take more of the interactions with your family while you step outside or to another room until the drama passes?

...or it might mean that you're autistic.

Sorry, I just assumed these were autistic meltdowns, but I see you are undiagnosed.
Do you think an official diagnosis would help? (Hasn't really in my case except for being more accepting of myself)

It's my "evil" uncle lol. My husband actually gave money to other relatives that really need it so it's not about my husband not being generous. My aunt that always sides with him says he deserved money for taking us in, but of course the condition of the trailer was horrible, we would give him money all the time to pay bills then he would just pocket it, then he opened our mail including an important document from SSA that he never gave us, etc... My husband got fed up with it all.

I have to go to community mental health tomorrow to see a brand new caseworker. I got my new printer going and along with the childhood report already printed out I added my resume with all my bird jobs, my college transcripts for some reason, and a fresh RAADS assessment I did online. I'll state my case that I'm having meltdowns and why I think I have and see if there are any suggestions she can give.

My current psychatrist years ago argued with my therapist over an autism diagnosis. I've had doctors bring it up but say I'm too high functioning for a dx, but I don't think the meltdowns are high functioning.

Your husband is protecting you by the stance he is taking against the evil uncle. Evil uncle has threatened violence! I strongly recommend you have nothing more to do with evil uncle, who brings you to meltdowns.

I like the approach you are taking with your new caseworker. I have no idea if it will lead to anything, but it's very pro-active and reasonable on your part. Good luck in your meeting tomorrow.

Caseworker wasn't that interested in hearing about ASDs, too bad my last caseworker thought I had it! Anyway they set me up with a talk therapist on Wednesday, maybe whoever that is will listen.

Have they tried prescribing something like a benzodiazepine to take during these episodes? What you're describing sound like a combination between a meltdown and an anxiety attack.

Those medications turn me into a walking zombie and I horribly dislike them.

That friggin' Uncle Again!! !! !! !

Well I sent him a Christmas card anyway lol. No money in it though. His sister that lives here where I live now says most of the family dislikes him, they just don't say it to his face. His other sister that likes him I feel bad for because her and her husband we're in a car accident yesterday, but they are not hurt.

I horribly overreacted and had a meltdown and ended up in the er for no reason. It's not very likely my uncle would actually come to town and harm my husband. They want me to go through DBT and if they think it would help than fine, and I'm getting a talk therapist too.