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lostonearth35
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15 Dec 2018, 3:17 pm

In Nova Scotia, Canada, the four seasons are really almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.



TW1ZTY
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15 Dec 2018, 3:34 pm

Florida is America's penis.



auntblabby
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15 Dec 2018, 7:40 pm

this one from the great green northwest-

GODZILLA ATE TUKWILA (Dave Phillips)
Well I saw Godzilla
Eating up Tukwila
Then he went down and ate Renton for dessert
He couldn't stand the aroma
Of the north side of Tacoma**
So he gobbled up Puyallup with a burp
Now some folks saw him hurrying
down the south side of Burien
they all yelled out "oh no!"
He wandered into Sea-Tac
and ordered himself a Big Mac
and said "better make that an an Ellensburger^* to go."
'Course he took a big bite of Bothell
and said "ugh, that tastes awful"
so then he went and ate north Enumclaw
He drank up Lake Chelan
and then he piddled on Spokane
and fertilized half of Yakima
it was a real pity
what he did at Tri-Cities
People from Walla Walla got scared too
Down at Longacres^^* I saw him comin'
at 10:1 I started runnin'
Why, I even ran right by Seattle Slew
Now he chewed up Wenatchee
and that made his throat scratchy
People from North Bend said
"golly, that's scary"
He marched clear around
the edge of Puget Sound
and sank the Mukilteo Ferry.
He ate up Bellingham
He left Mount Vernon burnin'
He was workin' his way on down south
And I told him "don't put Lynnwood in your tummy
you overgrown dummy,
that place'll stick to the roof of your mouth."
I guess you know he ate up Tonasket
and he put Omak in a basket
and he marched on back across the Cascade Ridge
He says "I think I'll just ramble
up there to Port Gamble
then I can sink half the Hood Canal bridge."
You know they found Godzilla asleep
out here on the golf course
they called out the Army, the Navy and the Air Force
he says "well, we'll zap his backside
with plutonium and uranium
"
that made him mad and he ate the domed stadium
He chewed up Chehalis
and Kelso and Centralia
Auburn and Kent was on his route
He ate up Bellevue and Kirkland and Monroe
He tasted Everett and he spit it out
Yeah, I saw Godzilla
eat up Tukwila
This time he tried Ballard for dessert
I could hear him say, as he wandered out of sight
he said "hiccup! burp! Hey, Dixie!* This state's all right!"

*at the time Dave Phillps [RIP] wrote this song in the late 1970s, *Dixie Lee Ray was our governor.
**in the 1970s, Tacoma had the reputation, due to the pulp mills, of having a nasty pollution problem
^*Ellensburg, a town on the cold side of the cascade mountain range bisecting the northern half of the state
^^*Longacres was a local big-time horse racing track in the 1970s



sorrowfairiewhisper
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15 Dec 2018, 7:44 pm

I can't make a joke about it, it is a joke.

The irony is, they say it's a beautiful place, only those that seen it on tv, in real life however...



auntblabby
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15 Dec 2018, 7:48 pm

I forgot to include the additional trivial bit, that "seattle slew" was a local champion racehorse in the 70s.



auntblabby
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15 Dec 2018, 7:54 pm

so far, no WPers from ND have responded to this thread so I will pipe in for them- "why not Minot? Freezin's the reason."



auntblabby
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15 Dec 2018, 8:16 pm

there are a few locals here spotted wearing T-shirts saying "where the HELL is Lilliwuap?!" that is a local wide spot in the road leading to the other side of nowhere.



TW1ZTY
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15 Dec 2018, 8:24 pm

Trying to think of another joke about the south...

May as well try an inbreeding joke since that's what people think we actually do here.

What would you get if you were to put everybody in Georgia in one room?

Answer: A family reunion :lol:



auntblabby
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15 Dec 2018, 8:45 pm

^^^ ta dum dum [*rimshot*]

I have a book in my possession since the 1970s, it is "a dictionary of southern speak in Jimmy Carter's America." in it, is this gem about how northerners and southerners talk differently from one another, one example given is the word "smear" which in its northern definition is a stain spread by friction- and in its southern definition is one's organ of hearing: "what's that undah mah hay-ur? whah, that's SMEAR!" :mrgreen:



TW1ZTY
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15 Dec 2018, 8:52 pm

auntblabby wrote:
^^^ ta dum dum [*rimshot*]

I have a book in my possession since the 1970s, it is "a dictionary of southern speak in Jimmy Carter's America." in it, is this gem about how northerners and southerners talk differently from one another, one example given is the word "smear" which in its northern definition is a stain spread by friction- and in its southern definition is one's organ of hearing: "what's that undah mah hay-ur? whah, that's SMEAR!" :mrgreen:


^ I'm glad it was funny. I made it up actually. :lol:

I never heard "smear" but I do pronounce hair like "hay-ur" and oil like "oi-yul". :P

Also do they by chance have "grits" where you live? :wink:



modernmax
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15 Dec 2018, 8:54 pm

Where I live is a joke.


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15 Dec 2018, 9:01 pm

The town I live in is too depressing to make jokes about. Walking around the main supermarket, I've often been reminded of the George Romero film Dawn Of The Dead, in which hordes of zombies invade a shopping mall, then in the last few months I've noticed that although numerous shops and pubs have closed down here over the past year or so, two new funeral director businesses have opened up.......

:skull:


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TW1ZTY
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15 Dec 2018, 9:05 pm

DeepHour wrote:
The town I live in is too depressing to make jokes about. Walking around the main supermarket, I've often been reminded of the George Romero film Dawn Of The Dead, in which hordes of zombies invade a shopping mall, then in the last few months I've noticed that although numerous shops and pubs have closed down here over the past year or so, two new funeral director businesses have opened up.......

:skull:


I used to work in a funeral home. :skull:

There's no mall in my hometown but maybe I could hide in the local Walmart from the zombies? :D

Got another one about Florida.

Why is Florida called "The Sunshine State"?

Because "The Tropical Storm and Hurricane State" is too big to fit on a license plate. :mrgreen:



auntblabby
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15 Dec 2018, 9:17 pm

TW1ZTY wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
^^^ ta dum dum [*rimshot*]

I have a book in my possession since the 1970s, it is "a dictionary of southern speak in Jimmy Carter's America." in it, is this gem about how northerners and southerners talk differently from one another, one example given is the word "smear" which in its northern definition is a stain spread by friction- and in its southern definition is one's organ of hearing: "what's that undah mah hay-ur? whah, that's SMEAR!" :mrgreen:


^ I'm glad it was funny. I made it up actually. :lol: I never heard "smear" but I do pronounce hair like "hay-ur" and oil like "oi-yul". :P Also do they by chance have "grits" where you live? :wink:


they had 'em in the army when I was stationed there [in northern VA and San Antonio TX and Ft. Lewis WA] I knew a Georgia peach who said "oh-wul." :o



TW1ZTY
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15 Dec 2018, 9:26 pm

auntblabby wrote:
TW1ZTY wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
^^^ ta dum dum [*rimshot*]

I have a book in my possession since the 1970s, it is "a dictionary of southern speak in Jimmy Carter's America." in it, is this gem about how northerners and southerners talk differently from one another, one example given is the word "smear" which in its northern definition is a stain spread by friction- and in its southern definition is one's organ of hearing: "what's that undah mah hay-ur? whah, that's SMEAR!" :mrgreen:


^ I'm glad it was funny. I made it up actually. :lol: I never heard "smear" but I do pronounce hair like "hay-ur" and oil like "oi-yul". :P Also do they by chance have "grits" where you live? :wink:


they had 'em in the army when I was stationed there [in northern VA and San Antonio TX and Ft. Lewis WA] I knew a Georgia peach who said "oh-wul." :o


Yeah grits are very common here served with eggs, toast, and bacon and I heard up north they don't really have it.

I think plain grits are bland. I prefer them with melted cheese. :chef:

I'm all out of jokes about where I live. Sorry. :lol:



auntblabby
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15 Dec 2018, 9:31 pm

TW1ZTY wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
TW1ZTY wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
^^^ ta dum dum [*rimshot*]

I have a book in my possession since the 1970s, it is "a dictionary of southern speak in Jimmy Carter's America." in it, is this gem about how northerners and southerners talk differently from one another, one example given is the word "smear" which in its northern definition is a stain spread by friction- and in its southern definition is one's organ of hearing: "what's that undah mah hay-ur? whah, that's SMEAR!" :mrgreen:


^ I'm glad it was funny. I made it up actually. :lol: I never heard "smear" but I do pronounce hair like "hay-ur" and oil like "oi-yul". :P Also do they by chance have "grits" where you live? :wink:


they had 'em in the army when I was stationed there [in northern VA and San Antonio TX and Ft. Lewis WA] I knew a Georgia peach who said "oh-wul." :o


Yeah grits are very common here served with eggs, toast, and bacon and I heard up north they don't really have it.
I think plain grits are bland. I prefer them with melted cheese. :chef: I'm all out of jokes about where I live. Sorry. :lol:


the army bases here have plenty o'grits for servicemembers to eat. I liked mine with the army's secret spice, which contained red pepper, onion, garlic, paprika, hydrolyzed veggie protein [MSG], with a bit of salt and butter and mixed in with the SOS. you know what SOS is, right? :)