Tops and Bottoms

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I watched a youtube in which a young man talked about the pleasure of bottoming. All his comments were about his top; how vigorous; how much he was enjoying himself; whether he broke a sweat. The way he spoke made me think that bottoms might be more altruistic than tops. So I went to the internet and came up with this article;

https://www.thehomoculture.com/2015/...iver-or-taker/

This article also connects bottoms and altruism, and makes tops sound downright selfish. That can't be true about tops either.

In my gay experience, I have topped much more often than I have bottomed, yet I consider myself an empathetic and caring person. Could I really be a user though, like the article describes? I don't like envisioning myself as such. I can't even see why a bottom would associate with someone who is just out to use you. Perhaps it's the prostate stim or something. So what does a bottom like about bottoming? I just found it more painful than anything.

As if the dichotomy of top and bottom wasn't nonsensical and untrue enough, they're adding horoscopes to them.

Do you deny that some guys have preferences as to whether they find topping or bottoming more enjoyable? Or have you just had it up to here, with fuzzy meaningless labels being thrown around? I would agree that labels can be misleading because they can mean different things to different people. But if someone has a subjective preference, isn't voicing it part of being oneself? And a label, in that sense, is just a word like any other, used to convey meaning and understanding, albeit, always imperfectly. For instance, I identify as gay and I've had lots of same sex partners in the past. But I am happily married to a woman now, and even have a son. I love pleasing my wife sexually because it's fun to make her happy because I love her. She's the only woman I've ever been sexual with But I don't want the label bi, because subjectively that does not define me. I just have always been sexually interested in men, but ended up falling romantically in love with a woman. So, yeah, labels don't work well as communication, but they do allow a person to subjectively express their feelings.

I'd ignore the article with regards to whether or not someone is altruistic because they top or bottom. Bottoming feels great if you can learn to relax and find a guy with the right sized dick for you who is patient. It certainly doesnt have to hurt. If it hurts you are doing it wrong.

How do you do it wrong as a bottom?

To tell the truth, I did think that the article made quite a stretch in categorizing the actions of tops and bottoms as givers and takers.

In one way, I think that all physical sex should be altruistic; my aim is to give you pleasure and your aim is to give me pleasure, so we both end up getting pleased by being altruistic. There's something both loving and sexy about wanting to please someone.

It seems that that is what sex should be; mutual giving. But to be able to please someone is to have power over them as well, and is that altruistic? I guess it sorta is, if you know you have the power to please, but never use it to manipulate your partner. But I think that somehow that power would make itself felt in the relationship, even if subconsciously.

The emotional side of sex is difficult to figure out really.

If it hurts its cause your partner is going too fast, ain't waiting for you to relax and/or you aint using enough lube or he is too big for you. Pleasing your partner certainly is fun and sexy but I don't think I find it that way because I am being altruistic but rather because I enjoy seeing my partner's reaction and being desired.