Why we have opposite sex friends not just same sex friends

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Mapofsteel
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07 Jan 2019, 1:22 am

I have always wanted to know why people, AS & NT alike, have opposite sex friends and not just same sex friends. I believe that members of different sexes can never understand each other, or have any appreciation for one another’s points of view. Any thoughts on this?



Prometheus18
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07 Jan 2019, 1:51 am

I have no friends of either sex.


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NorthWind
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07 Jan 2019, 4:58 am

Some people can never understand, or have any appreciation for the point of view of anyone of the opposite sex.
They can't really have opposite sex friends as friendship requires some appreciation. At most they could pretend to be friends but if there's nothing to gain from it they have no reason to do so.
People who can not understand or appreciate people of the opposite sex also don't have romantic relationships. Their relationships to the opposite sex are purely sexual or about increasing their social status among same-sex friends or about making the other subservient to themselves. Sometimes a relationship based on these incentives is coupled with some exasperated pretense of caring about the other to keep them around.

This inability to understand and appreciate is not universally true for everyone. (And no one has a perfect understanding of anyone else anyway, therefore understanding is gradual and does not have to be either completely or not at all - likewise one will also understand different people of their own sex differently well and not understand all of them completely or not at all)



HighLlama
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07 Jan 2019, 5:28 am

Mapofsteel wrote:
I have always wanted to know why people, AS & NT alike, have opposite sex friends and not just same sex friends. I believe that members of different sexes can never understand each other, or have any appreciation for one another’s points of view. Any thoughts on this?


I've had opposite sex friends due to mutual interests and compassion, like any other friendship. I never believed men and women were very different, or that both sexes couldn't understand each other, and amazingly befriending women was never difficult. There seems to be a connection between treating them like equals and having these friendships, but that's probably coincidental.


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07 Jan 2019, 5:47 am

Because you're wrong. Sex is just that, a bodily difference between people. It's like wondering why people have different race friends. Yes, a white man will never understand what it's like to be a black man, and if he doesn't listen to what it's like (in this society) he'll be annoying for the black man to befriend. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't try it.

When I was a kid, all my friends were boys. Occasionally, very rarely, I met a friend like me who was female and wanted to play football and climb trees and play superheroes. Then I'd befriend her, too. But your average girly girl was a mystery to me and I'm glad of that.

Even now, I date femme women but I don't befriend them.

People generally become heterosexual and I'm fed up of straight men thinking they have a chance just because I befriend them. If you're male it's highly unlikely you have a shot with me. However, I make a good friend because I'm butch and most guys are gender conforming, especially straight guys. Especially if you're prepared to listen to what it's like to be a woman in this society. I don't talk to male friends about bodily functions. In fact, I try to avoid talking to my female friends about it and keep it between myself and my doctor or myself and my mother.

So at the moment I'm mostly friends with gender non conforming women, mostly straight tomboys although I'd be open to being friends with another butch lesbian. It's just easier in this society.

Even gender conforming straight people can do it platonically. Mum had a friend who was a man. She had him for a lot of years and what fell apart was nothing to do with their sexes and everything to do with him being selfish. He was selfish with everyone, of both sexes, not just her. He was 20 years older than her and she knew him from being very young. It wasn't a romantic thing. It might have been a need for a father figure but my granddad's a good dad so I don't think so. I think they were just friends/frenemies. Mum's NT and needs a lot of friends so she has friends of different races, the opposite sex, different sexualities etc. She's friends with all sorts of people and it's one of the nicest things about her.

If you're aspie/autistic, it's probably easier to just be friends with other regular guys or with butch types of women. Assuming you yourself are gender conforming (I assume you are by the question, if you were camp most of your friends would be women). However, given the choice between a camp guy and a butch woman, it would be easier to put any hopes of romance aside and befriend the butch woman. Occasionally, the butch woman will be straight, in which case it's appropriate to want more than just friendship. Friendship isn't a bad thing to settle on, though.

Sex influences 1 how you're treated by society and 2 how your body works 3 what parts your body has. That's it. So saying you can never be friends with a woman is ridiculous. It's just you would find it hard to be friends with a stereotypical woman. I would too. Given the choice between a feminine woman and a straight acting gay bloke, I'd befriend the straight acting gay bloke. I'd rather chat with him about football than go shopping with her.

With straight women who are gender conforming, I'd suggest it's usually because at least one of them wants something more. But that's not always. There are so many people to be friends with in the world, so people who like having friends usually have a mixture of both.



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07 Jan 2019, 7:23 am

I find that having friends of all genders makes life more enriching.

I'm the type of aspie who likes talking about interesting things, so I'm more concerned about how interesting a person is to talk to and less concerned about their gender. Same goes for age. I have friends of all ages because we enjoy talking to each other.


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kraftiekortie
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07 Jan 2019, 8:09 am

Women are people, too, and have many of the same concerns men have.

Why can’t men understand women, and vice versa?

It’s not like we dont have brothers and sisters.

Some women are like sisters to me. No sex. No thought of sex. Comrades, rather than lovers.

Or both comrades and lovers.

Most “interests” these days are not gender-specific.

And how about the idea of a husband/wife as your “best friend”? That’s something I see pretty often.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 07 Jan 2019, 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sheila Nye
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07 Jan 2019, 10:36 am

[When someone is not trying to force me to be social] I like listening to all sorts off people.


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07 Jan 2019, 11:01 am

I think every healthy friendship needs space for differences.
It's not only about race, gender or neurodiversity, just every person in the world is different, with different needs, expiriences, perspective... a good friend understands having a lot in common does not make people the same.

I've always had more male friends, likely because being obviously different (opposite sex) made them more tolerant towards other dimensions of me being different.


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12 Jan 2019, 4:28 am

sorry for late post. hadnt been getting out of haven for several weeks xd so. im het woman, and most my friends are male, not all of them het. nobody cares for genders, exept when we want to joke about it. i dont know why it so happens. i dont look at gender when i befriend somebody, i look at interactions. at the way that person understands me. somehow females dont fit. i dont do gender stuff with my friends, either. we all mind that separately, though do joke about it togather. for serious what to not understand? anatomical differences? i am adult and perfectly know how male anatomy works. and there is many things to talk about rather than functioning of our... different parts. being aspergerian with complications/implications, i really dont get why GENDER would be a problem. some of them are also NT and that is not a problem either. we can share some stuff, an we can have fun, and we can enjoy the simmilarities we have desplite all differences. others here wrote that too. seriously, 2 females (both het) can have more differences than not and totally not get along. bc its not about genders. unless ur gender is all u have. (sorry if that sounded rude)


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18 Jan 2019, 1:01 am

Mapofsteel wrote:
I believe that members of different sexes can never understand each other, or have any appreciation for one another’s points of view. Any thoughts on this?


I find it odd to only want friends of the same sex as oneself. The only point of view I can truly ever know is my own, but if I don't talk to others I can't even begin to appreciate another's point of view.

Mapofsteel wrote:
I have always wanted to know why people, AS & NT alike, have opposite sex friends and not just same sex friends.


I had interests similar to more of the boys than the girls. I didn't give a rat's rear end about fashion, hair & makeup, the mall, pop culture, who was popular, etc. I wanted to discuss computers, math, games, dragons & space stations, etc. I thought most of the girls boring & they vice versa. And the boys either didn't mind or at least seemed to enjoy my presence. I didn't appreciate women as friends until the beginning of my thirties.



MjrMajorMajor
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18 Jan 2019, 4:39 am

HighLlama wrote:
Mapofsteel wrote:
I have always wanted to know why people, AS & NT alike, have opposite sex friends and not just same sex friends. I believe that members of different sexes can never understand each other, or have any appreciation for one another’s points of view. Any thoughts on this?


I've had opposite sex friends due to mutual interests and compassion, like any other friendship. I never believed men and women were very different, or that both sexes couldn't understand each other, and amazingly befriending women was never difficult. There seems to be a connection between treating them like equals and having these friendships, but that's probably coincidental.



This..



Mapofsteel
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10 Feb 2019, 10:44 pm

Prometheus18 wrote:
I have no friends of either sex.

Doesn’t that make you lonely, depressed, and unhappy all the time?



blooiejagwa
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11 Feb 2019, 6:28 pm

I only had an opposite sex friend in grade 1

and after that i was friends with girls only n usually just one or two at a time

I cannot understand girls or boys or anyone who is not me but at least with females there is more overlap of habits and topics



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11 Feb 2019, 6:43 pm

Mapofsteel wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
I have no friends of either sex.

Doesn’t that make you lonely, depressed, and unhappy all the time?


Way to rub it in, dude!