Does anyone else struggle with this?

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So, I've had two ex girlfriends over the years (both on the spectrum, and both LRDs, although I spent significant time in person with both.) The second one was an extremely clean breakup, to the point where we're way closer now, and don't even think of each other as exes. The first was horrific. She ended up spreading any and all damaging information she had about me, turned my entire friend group against me, and tried gaslighting me into believing I was physically abusive (I'm pretty gullible, but I'm not stupid. Pretty hard to do that from 800 miles away.). She told me she was lying all along, then demonstratably lied about many other subjects, and then blocked me after purposely leading me on. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. And yet she's the one I cannot stop thinking about. I hate her. But can't stop thinking about her, no matter how much pain it brings me. Does anyone else have an impossible time making their own closure, and how does one fix it?

Different, but, maybe the same, so I'll share.

We're known to be predisposed to having very intense crushes on people & experiencing an emotion called "limerence."

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I think you should live in a way that proves this ex to be false. They've chosen not to handle break-ups maturely; they're boosting their self-esteem and worth by rationalising that the break-up as it being "all you".

Had the break-up been amicable and rumor/conjecture not been spread you might not be here posting this. You should move past the fact that while unpleasant, this is how this person has chosen to handle you not being together any more and let them be. They've made a decision to be toxic, make the decision to forget (not necessarily forgive).

If you're fixating on this person purely because they were a woman more intimately involved in your life at some point or another, then all I can say is that I've had that, too, and it'll go away with enough experience and a different mindset.

Oh my! I didn't know there was a word for it! Limerence! Thank you.
Sounds like the ex was awful to you, and that confuses the reward system and makes us want them more. Like a drug. Hope you find someone that reciprocates your love.
Love shouldn't be treated as flippantly as some people do.

He was a couple of years older and had moved from South Africa. I'd have been too shy to say anything! Just adored him from afar lol. I met him at a friends party when I was 17 though. He liked music and was the first person that told me about B52's and U2 who had just released their first album 'Boy'. I ended up having a kiss with him but found out that he had a gf afterwards. Still like the bands to this day tho! lol

Still, It's very interesting this limerence thing. I wish I'd understood about it years ago. I wish I'd understood the whole aspie thing too. It would have helped so much. I think people just thought I was bright and just highly strung. If I'd known I wouldn't have made such an effort to fit in and would have realised it was ok to be a loner and sit next to the water thinking and day dreaming. People have caused me no end of confusion.


Have other people had many unrequited loves they were to shy to talk to? Maybe it's better to day dream than be rejected? They say great art comes from the feeling as you try and prove you are worthy.

When about 20 had some dates with this girl but never was physical was too intimidated.Then a couple yrs later married this woman and think she just wanted to leave home.I was young and dumb she later took off.I later married a woman who was much better and gave me the support I needed.

I've experienced that limerence thing with all 3 of my relationships & a celeb crush. All 3 of my relationships started out as long distance & things were very intense. I was pretty needy & clingy with all 3 of them. Things ended on bad terms with both my exes partly cuz I was unstable in addition to my neediness & clinginess. My 1st relationship was 17 years ago & my 2nd was about 9 years ago. Things only lasted about half a year with each but my 1st was my best friend for a while before we coupled & we quit being friends after we broke up. I quit experiencing crush like feelings for both when we broke up but I still really love them & think about them alot. The only person I experienced a crush like feeling for without being in relationship with was a celeb. That started like 10/11 years ago when I was single & very lonely. That crush stopped for half a year when I got in my 2nd relationship but came back after she broke up with me. It stopped again for maybe about a year after I got my current relationship but came back for some reason. I've been living with my current girlfriend for over 7 years now & I still feel that crush like feeling for her thou it's not as intense as it used to be. The Goo Goo Dolls song, I'm Addicted describes how I'm still thinking about my exes & the celeb crush

That is a long story,think I will just stay with this one she gives me all the help and support needed.Good luck