Growing up both homosexual and aspergers?

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Garnettoi71
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14 Jan 2019, 9:12 am

Kind of a confusing experience really, I'd always assumed the reason I was not romantically attracted to men and unable to fall in love with them was because of my aspergers and as a consequence I'd always assumed I was asexual without really realising I was attracted to women. My mother is a very conservative religious type so I guess I just suppressed my sexuality subconsciously for the longest time before actually realising I was gay.

Is anyone else both gay and aspergers? How did you find growing up? When did you realise?



The Grand Inquisitor
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14 Jan 2019, 10:09 am

This topic would be better-suited to the LGBT sub-forum.



Garnettoi71
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14 Jan 2019, 10:31 am

I didn't even know there was one! Thank you for informing me



kraftiekortie
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15 Jan 2019, 6:30 pm

You will find many people on WP who identify with you, and who are gay.



goldfish21
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17 Jan 2019, 2:06 am

Yes.

I found growing up to be my experience growing up.. unique to me, just as everyone else' experience is unique to them.. not really sure what you want to know about that, nor what I could explain about it for you. :?

I realized I was gay when I was 4-5 years old in Kindergarten. Basically as soon as I was around a bunch of other kids my age that weren't family I realized I was attracted to certain boys, not so much girls. I realized I was on the autism spectrum when I was ~30 years old. I was out as gay to a few close friends since high school, but not out as gay to family and others until I was ~29ish after hanging out with one of my gay friends and his gay brother and their family and seeing how different life could be being out. Far less stressful & funnier with the jokes from my siblings. My parents aren't the religious conservative types.. one of my grandmother's was, though, even attending an anti-gay rally in the 90's.. but she changed her tune before she died. (I don't think she knew I was gay, but knew her great grand daughter was gay/bi)


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JD12345
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30 Jan 2019, 4:50 pm

I never really went through the "coming out to thyself" phase that many others do, or at least not to the same extent. Many that's more of a NT thing, I don't know. I was never really confused as to what my sexuality (gay, by the way) was, although I did briefly consider the common tactic of coming out as bisexual first because it seemed more socially acceptable.

I don't tend to trigger others' 'gaydar', although there was one guy at my high school who once randomly asked me whether I was gay, and he didn't seem to be intending it as a joke or banter or whatever.



swordrat32
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18 Feb 2019, 1:44 pm

It took me a long time to figure out I was queer. I wasn't attracted to guys but I also wasn't strongly attracted to women either, and was just super awkward with people generally. Around the end of high school, queer movies and fanfic were definitely windows for me into what I might want/like.

My first sexual experience wasn't great (not traumatic, I just wasn't attracted to her), and I felt really embarrassed afterwords so it took me a long time to try dating again. Instead I had a string of unrequited crushes on mostly straight women who I spent way too much time and energy on.

I was kind of obsessed for years with figuring out whether I was queer or not. Even though intellectually I know sexuality is a spectrum, it felt like a very binary thing to me--queer or not queer! And I didn't feel like I could "really know" I was queer until I'd had a positive experience at least kissing a woman. (Though I also think that was BS.) Eventually, I found speed dating and online dating to be good fits for me because it's clear if the other person is at least sort of interested.



nadroJ
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18 Dec 2020, 1:00 pm

I am gay. I knew since primary school that I was attracted to male my age, after I
transitioned from Kanner Autism and developed Asperger traits, but being gay, isn't my whole identity, I just always kind of knew, but never consciously thought "I'm gay". First boyfriend found me when I was 16 without any background reason, we just naturally connected, I still didn't know the word "gay" then but it just felt right, I was anxious and awkward.

My narcissistic dad and older brother were rather homophobic when I was a child and teenager, when they made homophobic comments, I got embarrassed behind the looking glass because I kind of knew.
but I remained in light with my soul intact :) . I was quite a feminine child and teenager, slightly queer but only around mum, bullied for that by dad and brother.


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CherryTomato
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22 Feb 2021, 5:36 pm

In my case, autism made it easier to figure out I was a lesbian. I struggled to pick up on gender norms, which meant there was nothing stopping me from asking a girl out in 2nd grade. She rejected me because "girls aren't supposed to do that," but having that concrete experience made it easy to know I liked girls. I lived in a queerphobic town, so I didn't officially adopt the lesbian label until 10th grade. Nobody was surprised when I left the closet... it made the aftermath of coming out pretty simple, but also meant I'd been experiencing homophobic harassment since elementary school.



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25 Feb 2021, 12:19 am

I'm bisexual. As a child I learned early to feel ashamed of both my autistic traits as well as my attraction to other girls. I dealt with both by trying to just pretend to be different, to invent a fake me as a shield. I'm not sure how convincing I was.

These days it's nice to be in a place where de-masking in both ways is safe. :heart:


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25 Feb 2021, 12:37 am

Well pretty sure I am just straight.


But I do wonder of my youngest brother, like he might be into girls he might be into guys....maybe he is into both. I don't give a crap either way he is my brother and I love him regardless of what kind of relationship he gets into. I mean he could very well be homosexual but I do not think he has aspergers... he gets on with people too good if he does have autism he is hiding it phenomenally well. But no he's not autistic, lol sometimes I wonder if he's a sociopath....cause it seems he is a good person but still he does not seem to always be reactive to how other people feel. Also well my parents got divorced when he was still a little kid and so also he as spent more time growing up with my moms boyfriend so he may have some hard feelings of that still. Though I did hear he went down to the BLM/anti police brutality rallies in my city, and I am proud of him...I was too afraid to go, so he was even braver than me about it. I still have to ask him like how it went and such and see what he has to say about it. But yeah that little f*cker was also stealing Trump signs from yards....ha ha, he had quite the collection last time I saw him. He just does not know what to do with all those....ha ha, but he has so many, lol I am sure he will find some idea for them.


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goldfish21
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25 Feb 2021, 2:18 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well pretty sure I am just straight.


But I do wonder of my youngest brother, like he might be into girls he might be into guys....maybe he is into both. I don't give a crap either way he is my brother and I love him regardless of what kind of relationship he gets into. I mean he could very well be homosexual but I do not think he has aspergers... he gets on with people too good if he does have autism he is hiding it phenomenally well. But no he's not autistic, lol sometimes I wonder if he's a sociopath....cause it seems he is a good person but still he does not seem to always be reactive to how other people feel. Also well my parents got divorced when he was still a little kid and so also he as spent more time growing up with my moms boyfriend so he may have some hard feelings of that still. Though I did hear he went down to the BLM/anti police brutality rallies in my city, and I am proud of him...I was too afraid to go, so he was even braver than me about it. I still have to ask him like how it went and such and see what he has to say about it. But yeah that little f*cker was also stealing Trump signs from yards....ha ha, he had quite the collection last time I saw him. He just does not know what to do with all those....ha ha, but he has so many, lol I am sure he will find some idea for them.


:heart: :heart: :)


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Fern
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25 Feb 2021, 10:30 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well pretty sure I am just straight.


But I do wonder of my youngest brother, like he might be into girls he might be into guys....maybe he is into both. I don't give a crap either way he is my brother and I love him regardless of what kind of relationship he gets into. I mean he could very well be homosexual but I do not think he has aspergers... he gets on with people too good if he does have autism he is hiding it phenomenally well. But no he's not autistic, lol sometimes I wonder if he's a sociopath....cause it seems he is a good person but still he does not seem to always be reactive to how other people feel. Also well my parents got divorced when he was still a little kid and so also he as spent more time growing up with my moms boyfriend so he may have some hard feelings of that still. Though I did hear he went down to the BLM/anti police brutality rallies in my city, and I am proud of him...I was too afraid to go, so he was even braver than me about it. I still have to ask him like how it went and such and see what he has to say about it. But yeah that little f*cker was also stealing Trump signs from yards....ha ha, he had quite the collection last time I saw him. He just does not know what to do with all those....ha ha, but he has so many, lol I am sure he will find some idea for them.


Your brother sounds like a fun dude.


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robotrecall
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05 Mar 2021, 11:09 pm

I was once a self hating lesbian and autistic, but I didn't exactly knew at the time I was. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS in 2004, but never actually knew about it. I'm currently a virgin, but I dated two boys in the past when I was a teenage girl; at 14 and 18. I'm glad at least I can relate to somebody with Level 1 autism and being homosexual, except I'm a homosexual female. My parents aren't necessarily lesbophobic/homophobic, but they're more conservative, but my mother has a few homosexual friends. I don't think being a lesbian or having autism is all who I am, rather as part of me, because there's much more to me than liking the same sex or having a mild disability.



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06 Mar 2021, 6:54 am

I was late to start being attracted to people so I used to pretend to like the same boys/men as my friends because that's what they wanted to talk about and it prevented me from getting made fun of. I was attracted to men and women as a teenager but I just assumed I was straight and didn't realise I was bi until my 20s. I knew I had Aspergers since being a kid, years before getting diagnosed. I definitely felt "different" than the other students at secondary school.


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