I think my son is transgender or confused.

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My son Matthew is at secondary school and was always different to the boys his age. This was partially because he had Autism but at the back of my mind I've always felt like he was a lot more different. His sister also has Autism, but Matthew still acted differently to her.

From a young age Matthew liked to play with girls toys, especially dolls. I know most boys do this but Matthew continued to play with dolls even at primary school. There was also a stage where he wore his sister's knickers to school, unfortunately his sister realized and confronted him over it. To which he cried and got really embarrassed. He didn't wear her clothes again, that I know of. When he was in secondary school he was much the same, only hanging out with the girls. His Autism makes communication harder but he does hang out with the girls, he always has.
When he gets home he often talks about fashion and going shopping with them, if it's not too busy.

On Saturday I woke up at about 9, usually Matthew is already up. He's always woken early. I went into the lounge and he was on the sofa fast asleep, wrapped in his blanket. I sat down in the armchair opposite the sofa and then noticed something odd about him. Beneath the blanket I could see two round shapes, like Matthew had breasts. When Matthew came to he sat up, not realizing I was there, the blanket dropped and I stared in astonishment... Matthew was wearing my white knickers and matching bra, I assumed he had socks in the bra. When he realized I was there he quickly covered himself with the blanket and went upstairs.

When he was in the garden yesterday I checked in his room briefly. Under his bed was lots of my clothes - dresses, knickers and bras, tops, skirts and tights. I also saw a few pairs of my old boots. I also noticed a few pairs of knickers which he'd ejaculated in to.

I'm wondering if he's transgender. He's 22 in a few weeks and he's feminine in what he says and does, and he wears my clothes it seems probably every day. I want to talk to him about this but I don't want to embarrass or upset him. I don't know what to do for the best. He's very sensitive and gets upset at the smallest things.

Please help.

He could just be a cross dresser. What ever you say to him it should start with that you love him and respect his life choices no matter what.

Difficult to say wether he is a crossdresser or a transgender, the best anyway is to show him you are in acceptance, give him a gift card from a women's local clothing store or/and from an online women's clothing store like longtallsally.com, "for you or your friends".

Ask him if he wants to go shopping with you to buy female clothes. At a second hand store if you are on a tight budget. This will help him talk about what he wants if you show acceptance of his needs. He may also want help with makeup.

Crossdressers are nearly always heterosexual males. Transgenders want to be female, but their sexual orientation isn't tied to their gender.

It is quite likely that he is not confused. But, in many places, society is slow to accept transgenders and has no clue about crossdressers.

That sounds great. Providing a safe space will greatly reduce his/her anxiety level.

You may also want to discuss pronouns, as in what your son would prefer to be called in private and in public.
For many, this is a very big deal.

I wish you and your son well.

Perhaps a book like "Gurl Alex" by Alex Drummond would be a book to have in the house where it can be found, or maybe be seen being read by you.

I realised I hadn't explained the reasons for my book suggestion.

The book is a mix of autobiography and informed background, from an author who, working backwards through their career is a registered therapist and photographer, previously a teacher, before that a builder and mechanic. They write of their own experiences in the area of gender, the not feeling totally at home with what boys are expected to be or how they dress, discoveries of how the feminine felt in presentation, dress and the like, background from researching published material on the subject.

I think it possible it is the sort of book which which would re-assure your son he is not alone it what he might be feeling, and seeing his mum read it may help that pattern spotting side of the autistic / aspetgers profile work out that even if it is a subject too close and personal to risk raising, at least his mum looks well informed and not so likely to be hostile or tell him off for it.

Tell Matthew to buy his own women's clothing and leave your clothes alone

It's just clothes