Why does no one want me to have a relationship?

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Marknis
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27 Jan 2019, 3:30 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
Hey Marknis, I highly doubt people don't want you to have a girlfriend. Many have already said they wish you could get one.

How do you plan on getting a girlfriend if you have trouble with making friends to begin with. I see you have way more enemies here than you do friends. I was attempting to be your friend before but I can't handle it. Every topic you wrote has some sort of negativity involved and has the same subject: Girls, Bible Belt, Rednecks.

Even when a topic didn't include those things you still brought it up anyway! I'm pretty sure you have more going on in your life than just those three things.
I would want you to get a girlfriend but if I was a girl I wouldn't want to date you. You seem to have a very negative view of life and a lot of hate built in, it's too draining to be around that all the time!

If there were more things you would talk about I could maybe look over it but that's it. I am sorry about whatever went on in your life that happened to you that gave you this outlook but, unless you come to terms with it and look past it there is nothing anyone will be able to do. You don't have to drop it all at once but I would like to see you at least try.


You have a point and I do feel affected by my negativity.



BeaArthur
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27 Jan 2019, 5:50 pm

Marknis wrote:
EDIT: Removed quotes except one because I am feeling sick from negativity.

serpentari wrote:
i havent seen ONCE that u'd give moral support to anybody ever. maybe that is the issue? try being less of a sink, maybe then ur life feels different. and no, that is NOT saying i hate u. it says i dont have energy for u. gd out.


I've expressed moral support for Sarahsmith, Summer_Twilight, Zeromancer, kraftiekortie, BeaArthur, and a few others.


That's correct, Marknis sometimes does that, and when I see it, I try to recognize him for doing it. I think being more involved - in a positive way - with people here will be beneficial to Marknis.


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serpentari
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27 Jan 2019, 6:00 pm

okay. i stand corrected. just on that little bit. ty for verifying, Bea. (then again, i said "i didnt see". and i am not omnipresent ^^). the bulk of my point stands, and i wont be posting in this thread again.


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Kiprobalhato
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27 Jan 2019, 6:39 pm

marknis i have never read a post from you whose feelings i didn't think weren't totally grounded in reality


what you feel is valid and normal


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kraftiekortie
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27 Jan 2019, 8:07 pm

His feelings are valid.

But it is also valid to say that he should do something to lessen his bad feelings.



BlueIris24
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27 Jan 2019, 9:32 pm

Keep in mind OP that just because people are giving you advice doesn't mean they don't consider your feelings understandable or valid. We as aspies tend to be problem solvers; when people share their issues with us we naturally want to find ways to fix them and share them with those people. It doesn't mean we don't empathize with you. It just means that we show our empathy by providing solutions and advice.


While I personally am very empathetic, listening to somebody complain about the same issues constantly will drain my empathy. I'm not saying you're doing this, and if you are doing this you're not doing it on purpose. When we're suffering, we tend to focus only on how we feel, and forget that the people around us are limited in what support they can provide.



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27 Jan 2019, 11:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
His feelings are valid. But it is also valid to say that he should do something to lessen his bad feelings.

he is chronically depressed, and when one is this way, the exit [to the blackness] is nowhere to be found, and when offered helpful advice, it is not comprehendible by the depressed person, it makes no sense to him as it is too high above where he is at presently. just as a starving person can't immediately digest food, so too a depressed person can't immediately digest helpful advice, they have to start from where they are at and work up slowly from there. there is no substitute for a person in his corner RIGHT NOW and THERE AS LONG AS IT TAKES until he is better.



Marknis
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28 Jan 2019, 1:40 am

BlueIris24 wrote:
You're human. Humans are social creatures. It's in our DNA.

It's perfectly reasonable to feel down or upset because you aren't in a relationship, especially when you see people who are in happy relationships all around you. You shouldn't try to push these feelings aside or tell yourself you shouldn't be feeling them, because these aren't feelings you can really prevent or control. Loneliness is normal. It's human.

Being upset because you aren't in a relationship is different than taking it out on other people for not wanting to date you, which I assume you're not doing. These repressed emotions often turns into anger and resentment, which is what mainly fuels incels and the like. Instead of internalizing how they feel, they'll direct all their bitterness and anger at women. This is just as unproductive and harmful as holding your feelings inside.

You have a right to want a relationship and feel down that it isn't happening for you. Don't listen to people who say otherwise, because while they may have good intentions, they're wrong. You're a human being, and it's a very human thing to want close relationships.


I don't do what incels do. I am not a violent person. The lyrics to Black Sabbath's Solitude are what I feel inside whenever I am sad instead of Limp Bizkit's Break Stuff.



kraftiekortie
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28 Jan 2019, 4:19 am

I believe one should, at least, consider the input of others, rather than dismiss it outright.

Why wouldn’t I want you to have a girlfriend? Why would anybody think that way—unless they were nuts themselves ?

I wish you can get to know a greater variety of people. Even in the Bible Belt, there are people who are not either hip-hoppers or rednecks.



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28 Jan 2019, 1:51 pm

There a wide variety of attitudes and lifestyles in Austin. I have friends who live in Taylor, Tx, which is close. I've been to Austin once while visiting and found it a very interesting city.


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Marknis
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28 Jan 2019, 2:27 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I believe one should, at least, consider the input of others, rather than dismiss it outright.

Why wouldn’t I want you to have a girlfriend? Why would anybody think that way—unless they were nuts themselves ?

I wish you can get to know a greater variety of people. Even in the Bible Belt, there are people who are not either hip-hoppers or rednecks.


I sometimes see people that surprise me. At one of the parks in my area, I saw a cute Asian girl with a Legend of Zelda T-shirt and a Hello Kitty backpack with a boyfriend most people in the area I live in would call a "nerdy neck beard white guy". He was overweight just like I am but unlike me had facial hair and wore clothes that would be considered "juvenile". He was the opposite of what I was told to be if I wanted a girlfriend; I was told to pump iron, wear "yuppie clothes", and vote Republican. I never did the last thing but I did try to pump iron and my mother made me dress like a "yuppie" (I hate that word, btw). I am still overweight and I can't wear business clothes without feeling uncomfortable. I also once saw a gothic girl working at a shop in the mall but she had a boyfriend. The worst had to be when a cute nerdy/geeky girl turned my offer to have coffee with her down.

I do see punks, metal heads, goths, and grungers in Austin at various places but my conversations with them always fizzle out.



Marknis
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28 Jan 2019, 7:15 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
There a wide variety of attitudes and lifestyles in Austin. I have friends who live in Taylor, Tx, which is close. I've been to Austin once while visiting and found it a very interesting city.


It is indeed very interesting. Instead of the snore fest sports bars and lame local cover music bands playing at restaurants in my area, you have alternative music clubs, arcades, and other things you don't normally think of when it comes to Texas.

I don't think I should be considered an incel.



kraftiekortie
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28 Jan 2019, 7:27 pm

You're not an "Incel," Marknis.



Marknis
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28 Jan 2019, 9:17 pm

I am not and I don't like how some members think every romantically single man who posts on here is an incel.

I have suffered from depression for 12 years. That's abnormally long from what I understand.



blooiejagwa
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28 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm

I’ve had depression alternating between severe and moderate for (28 - 12) years. 16 years.

So I understand the circular thinking that offends and irritates others.

A change of scene would do you good. Therapy hasn’t helped much for me in the long run but meeting a person who truly cares for me does turn my week into a better less depressed one.
So I understand why you want a relationship as that wd be the best outlet to generate that positive feeling for u.

However after the initial

What is called ‘honeymoon ‘ period
The mentality of both people subsides to that of whatever they had prior to meeting each other.

So fr example fr me i was still chronically depressed despite the relationship . Which made it compounded n worse bcuz i tried extra hard to not let it affect or be seen by the other person. And of course he still knew n was affected n that was v bad as I felt guilty too

So that’s why it’s best to try to find a route that will help minimize ur depression
Lift ur mindset
Etc
Meds help me a lot to think clearly n less circular although If u see my posts i still think in an irritating
Round n round manner n ofyen still dwell on negativity.. but less than before meds

What else helps is 5-HTP n
drinking half a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar in a cup of water mixed with honey a few times a day.
Also things like being hyper fr 10 minutes or more.

I hope u try these suggestions


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28 Jan 2019, 10:23 pm

the army provided me a change of scenery, for better or worse, I wonder if the OP has considered trying it.