I met a guy I like buuut....

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I met an older guy who is 50 and he befriended me on a Golden Girls facebook page. Turns out he's gay and REALLY handsome and he told me he thinks I'm handsome too. But he already has a boyfriend and lives many miles away in North Carolina.

He said he would love to date me if he was single and if I lived closer to him and we were talking about our sexual fantasies with each other. He sounds like the kind of guy I have always dreamed of.

What do you guys think?

Daddy got two nipples.

I do like daddies.

He kind of made me feel uncomfortable when we started talking about sex and I asked him if he really had a boyfriend and he said "Yeah but we cheat on each other in secret". I think he even got a little mad at me for asking but he said he wasn't bad.

It felt weird... and I would never want to be used by a guy just to get back at his boyfriend. I mean I've never been in a relationship before and that just seems kind of f****d up.

He said it would never happen because we live too far away but he also said he likes how I look and was talking about sexual things he'd like to do with me (I was doing the same with him).

But I feel so awkward about it knowing he has a boyfriend.

Am I right to feel cautious or am I just being a prude?

Maybe I'm better off not getting involved with anybody if I feel like I'm just being used for sex.

Seems like every gay guy I meet who takes an interest in me already has a boyfriend. What the f**k is up with that? I'm not a damn mimbo!

Maybe being a virgin for the rest of my life isn't such a bad thing. You can't trust anybody.

You're not wrong to feel anything you feel.. but when I read your post I thought I should respond and give you my perspective on it. IMO, you're You and can feel any way you do about anything - it just is what it is - but it also sounds like you don't have anywhere near the.. "cultural exposure to," and understanding of the gay community and it's sexual practices as I do. You may be unaware that it's very common that gay couples are not monogamous. Sometimes they have open relationships with ground rules that let them play with others, other times they cheat, others yet it's a mutual understanding of don't ask don't tell sort of thing. Sometimes they only play with others together. And yes, sometimes gay couples are in fact completely monogamous - but, from my observations that's rare. So, with that perspective in mind.. if I were you, I wouldn't feel so awkward about knowing he has a boyfriend and is having those sorts of conversations with you. Maybe he just treats it like a bit of flirtatious interactive porn or something? Who cares. To me it would be a nearly non-issue, especially since you're unlikely to meet.

I guess I'm an old fashioned Victorian sorta gay chap. (that was a joke)

If I ever hook up with a guy I want him to only have eyes for me. I'm not looking to catch gonnoreaherpasyphilitus.

That's nice. You do you.

But don't assume that those who do hookup are walking diseases. I certainly am not & I've hooked up with more gay guys than you've likely even met in your life.

Yeah I know, but I just wanna be careful.

It's not just about protecting myself from STDs, I need to protect my feelings too.

That’s what you get for having feelings I guess. :p I figure for the <1% I ever develop a crush on, it’s well worth all the other no strings fun.

I think it's nice to have friends; including long-distance ones.


Personally, I would find that lack of integrity (as implied by his use of language) a real turn-off. However, different folks arrange their relationships differently. If they have a mutually-agreed-upon "understanding"; e.g., an open or polyamorous relationship where no deceit is involved, I would be much more amenable.
It sounds as if he's set the parameters of his relationship with you as Internet-only. If you're OK with that, it may not develop into true love, but it may be an opportunity to experiment, practice, and hone your relationship skills in a relatively safe environment, which may help you when you do meet someone face-to-face.


Humans are social animals; we're hard-wired to need, seek out, and develop friendships, social connections, and community. Friends and lovers greatly enrich our lives. Please don't give up and withdraw into a shell; you deserve better than that.
My mate has often expressed amazement at just how much I suck at dating, yet we've been together eight years now. Never consider "sucking at dating" to be an insurmountable impediment.

If I hook up with a guy I guess he needs to live close enough that I can visit him.