Anyone here hate compliments?

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I certainly don't like anyone complimenting on my nails, hair, eyelashes, eyes, or doing something good. I feel because of my low self esteem someone else more worthy should deserve it. Is that weird?

Compliments have always made me feel uncomfortable. I haven't yet taken the time to analyze why.

I think that compliments can make almost anyone feel uncomfortable (though they're not intended to!) because they can awaken our self-consciousness. When I get a compliment, especially about my appearance, I start to wonder how much people are paying attention to other things about me, and how they might judge me, for worse and for better. Maybe they're even paying attention to things to which I'm absolutely oblivious--what am I missing?! I'm particularly uncomfortable about getting compliments at work, because I'm surrounded all day, every day, by other women (under harsh florescent lighting, no less) and I'm just not as fashionable or cosmetically savvy as they are--and that's in part by choice. I generally prefer to spend my time and money on comfort, simplicity, and more practical things, but I digress....

For me, there's also an underlying thread of humility that my parents and others instilled in me. I think it goes back a long time, from the way they themselves, their parents, their grandparents, etc., were raised, and likely from my time as a Girl Scout many, many years ago, just to name a few. I sometimes got the idea that we're not supposed to be proud of ourselves--or at least, we shouldn't be boastful or vain. (Church, anyone?)

If I'm praised for my performance, it can feel awkward, too, but I'm a little more confident about at least some of what I do, so it's easier to appreciate, even though it still makes me wonder how much I'm being analyzed and how much I might be doing wrong--however that may be defined. Now, praise for something simple/something that I know, undoubtedly, that I'm doing well? Depending on the source, that can feel downright condescending, which I hate.

What the heck is wrong with compliments?

Would you rather just be criticized?

Being complimented bothers me too. I'm not as sensitive about being complimented on my appearance, but if someone compliments my intelligence or my personality or whatever, I think it makes me feel exposed. After learning more about Asperger's and the behaviors that many of us use to cope with it, I've begun to think that maybe it's because I have spent so much of my life trying to fly under the radar and not be noticed by anybody. If I do get noticed for something good, I think maybe it makes me afraid that they will also notice my mistakes. Or that the person will now have higher expectations for me that I have to try to live up to or risk disappointing them. That makes it hard to receive positive attention without feeling ambivalent about it.

I've spent my life receiving much criticism and back-handed compliments.

If a compliment is sincere, I'll embrace it.

I dislike compliments, but I've learned to accept them graciously, while believing they may or may not be sincere. If they are sincere, then arguing about them questions the sincerity of the complimenter. If they are insincere, the best thing you can do is dismiss them graciously by saying thank you.

Sometimes my husband ladles it on pretty thick and I have to tell him to cut it out. He's an old fool with cataracts who doubtless thinks I do look beautiful (I don't) but disputing it with him does no good. So I just say "I'm glad you feel that way" and move on.

Last edited by BeaArthur on 01 Feb 2019, 11:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think I also have a hard time telling when a compliment is sincere and when somebody is saying it just because they are trying to be nice. I should probably just take them at face-value but I do have a tendency to overthink things

"Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder." I love that cliché.

In his mind's eye, Bea's husband thinks she's absolutely the Cat's Meow. And will always think that.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 01 Feb 2019, 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

There is a word for insincere compliments... flattery.

If someone compliments me on something I've worked hard on I'll accept it... like losing weight, painting a good picture, playing some music well.

If someone flatters me it's usually noticable and it's usually when they want something from you... money or (if you're a woman) sex. Shop assistants, chuggers and sleazebags in bars are likely culprits. It often comes with an insincere smile which even I can recognise.

I have found that even some "fake" compliments have a certain level of sincerity. I am, rarely, the recipient of truly "fake" compliments.

Just like a person asking "how are you doing?" might not care too much about "how you are doing." But he/she might care a little.

I've had people call me fat and ugly. So I have no self esteem.

I'm sorry that happened. I think that when people go out of their way to say mean things, it says more about who they are (rude bullies) than it does about who you are.

Generally, I avoid compliments. It's exhausting trying to think how to respond, especially when I'm not sure of the intention. Sometimes they are not sincere. Sometimes there may be jealousy involved. Sometimes it's a test to see if they can make me lose my poker face. Public ones are torture - I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience, even if they're genuine. I've received very few sincere compliments in my lifetime, and I treasure every single one.

Sometimes I feel I have cautious of complimants and gifts in case the price is to agree with or do what the other persons wants. So compliments make my anxious. Although reading some of the other responces make me think that they are probably no more sininister than insincere social niceties. Genuine compliments and acts of kindness really makes my day though.

I tend to be slightly uncomfortable with compliments about my appearance- mostly because Im so self conscious. I appreciate compliments about my intelligence usually, but I used to not be able to tell when people were 'complimenting' but actually making fun of me when I was younger so Im a touch more guarded now. (That actually works for appearance too. The other day someone commented on my picture telling me I looked "so asian" in that specific picture. Im not really sure what to make of that?? Do I not usually look Asian?? They replied that I looked even more Asian than usual. I cant tell if thats an insult or not)
A lot of times when someone compliments me I assume they want something from me and are trying to suck up first. I dont exactly have that many good qualities worth mentioning otherwise.
(Dont you find it weird that people who say they dont like compliments get more compliments?? Like if someone says "I dont really like people complimenting my makeup" than typically the reply is like "But it looks so good! Your makeup is really pretty and well done" Like...wasnt the whole point that she didnt want the compliment in the first place?? But then, there are a lot of people who go fishing for compliments. I dont like them much)