Don't be a flaker

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Oftentimes, I want to go somewhere and I really want to be there because the activity is to my liking and then the reality hits where
1. I don't feel like attending
2. My budget is too tight
3. It's too late

It goes on and on and on

For example, I was planning on attending a party at a bar this past weekend but I ended up staying home and just ordering out and doing a movie night. Why? I live in Atlanta and was doing activities related to the super bowl the night before and got back pretty late. Then I was going to a party in Atlanta on Superbowl Sunday. So I wanted to be rested up. Plus the party did not start until 9:00 and end at 2:00 AM. So I decided to skip it.

My cousin flaked on me a lot. He'd suggest doing things or said he would do things & then blow me off cuz other things came up. A lot of the times he ended up doing things with other people/friends.

I used to associate with another adult man on the spectrum who seemed really cool at first and was always reaching out to get together. Then he joined this Catholic singles ministry and became more flaky with my friends and I. Basically, he would agree to come and then would bail at the last minute. "Oops, I forgot some relative are in town."

When I asked him about it one time, he came out and told me that he thought our parties were boring because we kept doing the same thing. "All you guys do is watch movies, eat cookies and drink luke warm water."

Luke warm water? Would that be tea?

No, it wasn't tea and there were other things to drink and come to think of it, everyone at these gatherings were on the spectrum. He has gotten an ego ever since he has joined this group that consists of wild partying and heavy drinking. This group also consists of some really flaky and phony group who put on heirs about themselves.

I always hate flakers and if you have anxiety, fine but that is still no excuse, don't say you are coming if you know you are not intending to because you are so anxious to come. After a while people just stop inviting you.

Really there is no excuse to be a flaker, period and or is it acceptable to make an excuse why you were a flaker in the first place.

For example, when someone tells you they are coming and don't show up, call or text. It's "I was planning on making it and I was on my way but had a flat tire. I am sorry I did not call you, I left my phone at home."

I had a friend like that once. When she met a group of 'cool' girls, she abandoned me and my friend, thinking she was better than us. They can't have been true friends to start out with if they do that.

I don't want to talk too much about him because it gets me so vexed because he is so arrogant. . What's so important about getting drunk anyway? Does it cure his autism? :lol" His "Friends" have one done him any favors. However, he often seems like he's confused when I talk to him.

Sure, I understand. It sounds like he just needs to sort some stuff out.

In the last 2 weeks, I had arranged to meet with three different people.
...and all three flaked.

Two of them didn't tell me until I had already been waiting for them for 15 minutes at the meeting place and I texted them to find out where they were (while the last just cancelled a few days ahead of time... still annoying, but *much* more acceptable, IMO).

A few flaky situations

1. I recently had met three people at training and we got together on a few occasions. Then a couple of times, I had invited them to a few gatherings which they said "Yes" to. Then all three of them said at the last minute that something else came up. - They did this to me twice

2.I had attempted to join a singles group at one church and I was supposed to get baptized but was required to meet with one of the leaders. Both times, she flaked on me.
a. She was supposed to email me and then meet up and the story was - It bounced back
b. The second she invited me out to dinner and when I called to confirm she blew me off , never called back and never showed up

3. A former friend of mine left for the military and agreed to write and call me while in basic combat training which she did not do. Now she is someone who would get mad at you called her out on her flakiness.

Summer_Twilight, that sounds awful from a church person. They could have at least arranged for someone else to meet with you.

Have you noticed people who have been spoilt by their families tend to do this more?

Oh yes, I have noticed that pattern from people who are very spoiled as well flake out like that. It because they are using to allowing their parents to let them do whatever they want and treat others anyway they want.

1. That aspie that I mentioned who abandoned our group for a bunch of NTs seems like he is very spoiled in addition to being a snob.
2. The woman promised to write to me while in combat training and never did, I would say so. For one thing, she didn't seem to have respect for other people's feelings. Rather she threw a hissy fit every time I called her out and was very immature about it.

That's no good. Life is too short to spend it so selfishly. I hope they get some clarity. It's sad, but sometimes you just have to move on and hope to find better friends.

Not only is their behavior selfish but it's also very rude to make plans and then flake like that.

1. The woman who flaked out at me from that singles group was definitely very selfish and you could tell that she lived in her own little world. She was even out of it when she apologized to me. "We never did meet did we?" I said, "I know sweetie." I also put it in a nice Christmas card and a candy cane that year that I was calling all plans off and not to worry about it. "I don't think it was meant to be."

2. When my childhood friend became a teen, she outgrew me even though we re-connected after taking a break for a few years. Yet, she didn't even want to be with me then but she led me on. This was by postponing twice and playing games with me on the phone. Meanwhile, she had made plans to go out with her boyfriend because they had a date." My childhood friend grew up to be very selfish in addition to being extremely spoiled as her mom let her do whatever she wanted. I was really mad at her for a long time after that I and I let her know it too even though she and her mom let it go in one ear and out the other.