That’s pretty broad but I’ll give you the main gist of it.
When I get really unwell with the psychosis I see and hear 3 shadow men who basically tell me the world will end unless I cut off my hand or do a blood sacrifice or something. They send me messages through the tv and write on walls and ceilings in code to get my attention. Before that happens I might be suspicious of being poisoned so may stop taking my meds or eating/drinking things I don’t deem safe. I’ve often seen dead people and cats hanging from trees or tried to walk out of the house in the rain in just my socks as the men have told me I need to do something/go somewhere. Another issue I have is thinking aliens are present and that leads me to sleeping with a knife under my pillow so I can stab them if they came near me. What’s worrying is that sometimes I think my wife is an alien and often get urges and encouragement to stab her. I’ve been sectioned multiple times for this.
At the moment I’m in hospital with what my partner thinks is early psychosis. I’m not sleeping well. Having nightmares. I’m suspicious one of the patients has intent to hurt me. I’m suspicious of the staff - I think they’re giving me something that isn’t my prescribed meds. I’ve been a bit off for the past month but no one has been able to put their finger on it. I’ve been a patient in here since January 2018 but I was out on leave from November until Thursday when my psych wanted me to come back in.
The depressive stages can be very bad. I sleep a lot. Lack joy. Don’t take care of my personal hygiene. I might self harm. I get suicidal. Stop eating very well (though I also supposedly have an eating disorder so it’s hard to tell what’s the depression killing my appetite and what’s just my brain wanting me to lose weight). I had ECT in 2016 though and this seems to have ‘cured’ my depression for now. Which I am thankful for.
The highs are bad too. I usually get very irritable and grouchy and snap at everyone/fly into a rage easily. I might think I’m invincible/can bounce - it makes me want to jump off buildings and walk in roads. I’ve often had to be pulled off ledges and out of windows. I want to spend money I don’t have, including trying to take out payday loans that I wouldn’t have a hope in hell of paying back as I’m on disability allowance.
02 Feb 2019, 10:15 pm
