As a guy ~

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As you can all see, this is a very iterative process.

These aren't even the posts I was thinking of, they're just relevant. Whomever said I get distracted expecting my love life to make sense was spot on.

I agree, and it definitely sounds like it shouldn't be problematic at all, at least to me. Again, I hope you have some luck!

I've personally had to learn the hard way to be a bit more careful, unfortunately. I've struggled a lot with finding balance in how I share things. One of the first I shared too little. And then I would share too much... and then last year I did both at the same time, somehow. I shared too much of the wrong things I guess? It's maddening. I don't think I'm going to have luck with anyone other than other Aspies who might be able to empathize with the struggle. But how in the hell do you find people that are just as reclusive as oneself?

They found me, insofar as I can remember them acquainting with me in between our intermittent partying. I gave up labeling people by neurology years ago, diagnosing me correctly would be near impossible & I don't really believe in a scientific definition of sanity anyway.

Well I applaud you for going to parties, heh. You are a braver soul than I. I try to avoid crowds, I seem to get instant headaches and an overwhelming sense of adrenaline. rip.

And I guess so. I just find labels easier for finding people who are like-minded. Of course none will necessarily "define" you, or describe your systems 100%. But it's nice to have a blanket term.

I'm more comfortable with adrenaline buzzes than I am without. I think that's part of why I'm on here digging around for ways to relax everybody, inevitably beginning with myself.

I need to get better at this, yes. I'm wondering if there are things about people in general that fit the patterns of ASD as well.

I'm not sure if there is a real good way to bring it up. It's a lot easier to have someone ask you questions about ASD than to just start talking about how you function. A person would think that if they would ask you about it, if they care for you in an attempt to understand better. But I suppose that other people would also struggle with not knowing how to bring the subject up and maybe worry about offending us.

I had someone comment to me once about how they always had to say hi to me first. First I apologized and told them it wasn't personal, but then I elaborated that it was of a part of my Aspergers. (since then I've tried to make an effort to say hi when I see them). That was an opportunity to talk about it that sort of just fell in my lap... But maybe there are other instances like that have gone by that haven't been noticed. So keeping yourself aware for something like that, you could make an easy transition into talking about it.

I don't know how to bring up a lot of things to people either x.x

I can't think of anything in general that would be like ASD that isn't vague, or situation oriented. At least not at the moment.

So much of this is also dependent on culture. In our Western Anglo-Saxon world, small talk and constant smiling seem to be more necessary for the fabric of society to hold together. This is not the case in a lot of other places.

You ever watch those movies where one friend calls up another and begins their call with, "So I was doing [A, B, C] this morning and I thought to myself [X, Y, Z]. Like, what do you think of that?" And their friend just talks to them as if they were in the middle of a conversation. No hello, no what are you doing, just down-to-earth convo. I really don't understand why life can't be like that in reality. What's stopping us?

Nothing. I'm always like that with neurodiverse people. Also works with neurotypical people even if they find it a bit weird. They get used to it though. The only category it doesn't work well with is neurotypical strangers, but then who cares about that category?

Yeah, I'm only trying to open the dialog with very close friends. I think I need to come up with some way of encouraging them to ask direct questions instead of letting miscommunications build on each other.

I actually will do that with the few people I will communicate online with. I might say hi first but then I tend to just get right in what I'm wanting to talk about. Once upon I time I did this with quite a few people, numbers have dwindled to also not being often at all.

I have noticed that the small talk and smiling stuff seems to be pretty ingrained in the USA. If you don't do those things people tend to say things like "would it kill you to smile?" I also have a friend who is often thought to be angry because she isn't a big on the smiles. I've trained myself a little to pass along smiles here and there as well as some small talk...but ugh it is just a pain. I rather be in silence lol The whole of it has always felt rather superficial and kind of fake too. Like I kind of dobt they REALLY care how I'm doing, it's just a pleasantry. But I can't tell when it it's sincere and when it isn't so how am I to know how I should answer?!

Anyway cberg is trying to talk more with already friends so I would think they would have some familiarity with how he conversationally operates. At least to know how the chit-chat and smile stuff goes.

cberg, what about trying to get everyone to watch a movie about Autism? Or one with ASD characters? Maybe that would help open the door for discussion? Maybe i'd be easier for them to ask questions about the characters vs just them going "hey cberg why do you X?"

Having put some thought into the movie idea, I have no idea how I could introduce the concept without feeling intrusive. I can crack some jokes about it but that's as far as conversation about my screwball brain ever usually goes.

I suppose my friends notice characters like that all over the place, I just don't know though.

Sounds like cberg needs to move to where you are to find compatible women, whereas you need to move somewhere else to find compatible women. There are plenty of places where most women WOULDN'T consider you "boring and lame" for not being an adrenaline junkie.

I understand, alas, that you are pretty much stuck where you are right now, given your financial situation. I can only hope that we someday have a much better-developed autistic community than we have now, which could have ways to help people move and find new jobs and living situations.

I don't think that's true for men in general, but I think it is true for specific non-mainstream categories of men, such as autistic men. For more mainstream men, I think there really is such a thing as male privilege that most of them benefit from, at least to some degree.

Mainstream mass culture is excruciatingly superficial. If that's what you're objecting to regarding "culture as a whole," I agree. IMO, non-superficiality can best be found in groups with a strong sense of identity that is separate, to least some degree, from mainstream culture.

This has been my experience too.


I agree.

I've noticed that the men who complain the most on WP tend to live in rural areas, where the odds are indeed against them, both because of the male-female ratio in rural areas and, even more importantly, because there are fewer people in rural areas to begin with.