As a guy ~

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Sorry

Not that anyone here is bothering me, I bothered me. I have no clue how to respond to the simple fact that I actually have a social life. I'm trying to show more enthusiasm for other people & how we perceive each other but I'm still a serious loner. I think showing my appreciation for design seems like a good way to find common ground.

Sorry fr my ramble earlier when I am annoying at any point u shd just ignore my posts That is my disclaimer i should make that into my signature

Btw what may be more relevant to what u just wrote..

I read from an ASD expert (he kindly responded to me when i approached him n answered my questions)

that ASD brains get ‘heated’ more quickly bcuz we absorb too much n think deeply n our brain activity is very different..

our brain activity spreads across the whole brain while NT brains can go more directly to just one relevant area

In a way that is a superpower too

But basically he had said that as a result sometimes in reaction to that we tune out or numb ourselves or shut ourselves out bcuz we know it will overload our brain
To conserve our energy

So that applies to socializing the most esp as that area already requires extra cognition to get by

Not to worry, I ramble for hundreds of pages.

I'm trying to find ways to make my overactive brain more receptive to female thought patterns. I think I'm still connected to people no matter how often western culture dictates otherwise. I'm really sick of male bias in technology, I'm referring to stuff I should be sharing with anyone who can comprehend it. Ultimately I only feel properly considerate when I respond to women with the full depth of my knowledge, no matter the subject.

I think there's a certain chance of success here, though I know it depends on me doing a lot of meditation.

Nah don't be sorry, it's a thread for bored guys to discuss how not to bore others. There are no wrong answers, which is why I'm here to come up with every wrong question.

I commend you for trying to do that. Though I don't think even NT men in relationships have quite got that down, heh; so I hope you don't beat yourself up over it. All you can do is try.



Typically I think most women would be annoyed to know someone was leaving something out when speaking to them because they are women. I mean we don't want nor need to know the details of "guy talk" but for something where you're explaining how something works for example it shouldn't be any difference than if you were talking to a guy.

There is a thing of too much information though... and people can be overwhelmed. If a question is asked it's best to restrict your answers to the specifics of the question and maybe not divulge all information that is had on the subject. That doesn't mean it's bad to volunteer some things though. It can be tricky! If one can learn body language cues it helps detect if maybe you should wrap the tangent up. On another side of that though...there's something attractive about someone passionately discussing a topic... that might just be my opinion though.

It's definitely not just you, I feel the same way about people who are passionate about what they do. My favourite teachers in school were the ones who truly loved the subjects they taught and were happy to share their enjoyment of the topic with new learners. That kind of enthusiasm for a topic is contagious (to those who are curious and open-minded) and it makes for a wonderful environment to learn in.

Also it can be very sexy in the right context. Passion for a subject can indicate a passionate enthusiastic personality which is very attractive to some people, certainly to women like me and many others.

Sly, this isn't a reply to the quote above, but I wanted to talk to you.

If you don't mind telling, what city in Oregon do you live now?

I'm afraid my passion about technology is lost on anyone who's been sold on consumer technology I just focus on the big stuff & fads don't really concern me. Everyone's all about $1000+ Apple gear & I just do my own thing with much larger, cheaper systems. As for my other passions I'm worried about communicating my interests with too much technical detail. It's hard to stop. Right now I'm hiding from my entire office behind 6 screens, friends think I'm a cyborg.

There's some private disagreement about Alterity's point regarding just how geeky I am. I've been hacking anything I needed to since I was 7 years old. I'm 25.

Bottom line, almost nobody likes geeks. Perhaps it's trendy & avant-garde to say you do but we see through that. I'm just dismayed that women in general seem to have decided to ignore the engineering world all because society was already sexist. Guys can't dismantle patriarchy alone!! ! I promise I'm a better engineer than your dad! I only poured 70% of my waking life into it. Learn from me for free, PLEASE, I'll make sure it's good fun.

From what I've read from women who left the tech/engineering world because of active sexism they were experiencing every day that ground their will to work in the field down to nothing, I don't think it's really fair of you to be dismayed with women for not wanting to be around so much sexism rather than the men creating that environment that is so unwelcoming and toxic to women. That might be part of your problem in regards to finding women who have similar interests in STEM subjects.

Well s**t at least I'm trying to do something about it. Does that not mean respecting female intellects?

I'm not digging around for someone who's magically just like me, I'm simply reacting to a recurring theme of women ignoring me because of what I know instead of just asking me what's on their minds. I'm not going to do this myself because I'M A GUY.

I guess I'm guilty by association in that case. Dudes like me are dropping like flies (i.e. lots of suicides) because of widespread complacency in the face of misogyny & sexism. I frankly feel just as objectified as many women do. I've been reduced to a product of binary gender that's commonly sold to corporations.

As a rule, dating or not, a geek just gets lied to, ignored & back-burnered.

If there's some kind of way to avoid this, do tell.

I don't really know how to talk to you because I don't really understand your communication style. I've encountered a few other people like that on this forum as well as in life. Perhaps the women who know you have the same problem, there seems to be a bit of a language barrier. I really have no idea what to make of your response. You're speaking English, the same language as me, but somehow I have not much of a clue what you are actually trying to say to me. What do you mean you are "guilty by association"?--are you saying what I said was that you are responsible for all sexism because you're a guy? Because that's not what I meant at all, I just meant that specifically when you say things like the way women react to sexism in your industry "dismays you" it makes it seem like bothers you about sexism in your industry is how women respond to it, not that it's there in the first place for women to have to respond to in some way.

It also doesn't help that you don't quote the person you are responding to in your response, so I can't tell what parts of my comment you are addressing with which parts of your own comment. If you quote the person you are responding to, and break up your response accordingly to correspond with what you are responding to, it will make your meaning much clearer. You leave too much guess work for the person you are communicating with to do by being indirect, and then seem to get frustrated with people for not being able to fill in the blanks by reading your mind. That's not a reasonable way to expect to be able to communicate with people, you have to say what you mean more directly and not leave so much of what you intend out and instead talk about irrelevant details and frivolities of language.

If I may use a clumsy analogy, trying to have a conversation with you is a bit like trying to nail jello to a wall.

Try using the quote feature of this forum, it's there for a reason. Conversations are supposed to be exchanges, not unidirectional directives fired at people. I think making small changes like this in the way you communicate with people will have more of an impact on your interactions than you might believe. By not quoting people when communicating online you are setting a tone, whether you are aware of it or not, that is almost like you are dismissive of or half-ignoring the person you are having a conversation with. Everyone following the thread has to guess who you are speaking to. It's just a little bit rude.

I don't know, other than to say learn to better recognize other geeks that you can relate with. Just because there are not a lot of women in your particular field or industry doesn't mean there aren't a lot of female geeks in the world that you might be able to relate to better than your average non-geeky person, if you just opened your mind a little. One doesn't have to be a tech or engineering geek to be a geek--one just needs to have an over-riding and long-standing fixation and obsession combined with a natural facility with a particular topic. With women, for various different cultural and biological reasons, their geekiness is more often channeled into other subjects than tech. That's just how the world is right now, that's how people are. So learn how to find and connect with those geeky women, would be my suggestion--and be more open-minded towards the different things they are geeky about as you want them to be open-minded to the things you are geeky about. That's probably where your best chances at compatible companionship lie.

When you're talking to women do you flirt with them?

Or are you simply making conversation?

If you aren't flirting with them, they may not know you're interested.