[ POLL ] Advantages to Not Dating: Agree or Disagree?

Post Reply New Topic

In real life, most of these things don't happen on a regular basis. I have considerable experience in this. It's not like all these things are inevitable. They are not.

There is the POTENTIAL for most of these things to happen. One has to be wary of the potential for these things to happen.

I put "mostly disagree."

I believe one has to be wary, and that one should watch out.

I believe a person has to insist on boundaries, and has to be autonomous.

Much of the problems occur when there is the attempt to deny personal autonomy to partners. Attempts power-trips. One has to learn the signs, and nip them in the bud---even at the risk of losing the relationship.

I learned that lesson very well.

Yes, it's real life in my experience kortie, and I've only dated three guys plus the psycho.
I'd be curious if women's answers varied considerably from men's.

1. You are free from being accused by your date of being an "emotionless psychopathic mass-murderer" for no good reason at all. ✅

2. You are free from being accused of "Date Rape".

3. You are free from being followed and harassed by an ex date. ✅

4. You are free from being followed and harassed by your date's ex. ✅

5. You are free from being hit on by some creep who thinks that paying for your dinner means that you owe him some "action". ✅

6. You are free from being pressured into taking the relationship to the "next level". ✅

7. You are free from being the victim when your date pulls off the old "I forgot my wallet" or the "dine and dash" tricks. ✅

8. You are free from dates that feel more like job interviews.

9. You are free from discovering that your date is already married. ✅

10. You are free from ever being stood up. ✅

11. You are free from feeling pressured to "put out" when you really just want to be friends. ✅

12. You are free from finding out first-hand what a "Roofie" hangover feels like. ✅

13. You are free from finding out that law enforcement has a warrant out for your date's arrest. ✅

14. You are free from finding out that your date has made an enemy of the local crime boss. (Kind of).

15. You are free from having to deal with a person who believes that every date must lead to sexual activity. ✅

16. You are free from having to deal with an obsessed psychopath who considers one date to be a declaration of betrothal.
✅

17. You are free from having to discuss philosophies, politics, or religious doctrines that are not yours. ✅

18. You are free from having to explain to your date what "Stimming" is and why you do it. ✅

19. You are free from having to endure endless questions from your family and friends regarding every minute detail of the time you spent with your date. ✅

20. You are free from having to listen to your date suggest all kinds of crackpot "cures" for your AS/HFA. ✅

21. You are free from having to listen to your date theorize all kinds of crackpot reasons as why you have AS/HFA. ✅

22. You are free from having to listen to your date theorize all kinds of crackpot reasons why you could not possibly have AS/HFA. ✅

23. You are free from having to listen to your date's personal obsession for hours on end. ✅

24. You are free from having to make up ridiculous lies to get out of a bad date. (I don't lie, I just leave).

25. You are free from having to pay for someone else's meals. ✅

26. You are free from having to provide someone else's transportation. ✅

27. You are free from having to put on an act to impress your date. ✅

28. You are free from having to spend an entire week's pay in one night just to impress your date for a few minutes. ✅

29. You are free from having to spend the last hours of your date in the Emergency Room describing what happened to the Police. ✅

30. You are free from having your date make a "quick trip to the powder room" in the middle of the date, and never coming back. (I wish).

31. You are free from your date's emotional "baggage". ✅

32. You are free from the anxiety of wondering if your date was really into you, or was just being nice to you. ✅

33. You are free from the embarrassment of having to explain to your date's parents how he or she got so drunk.✅
(Explaining to my parents why the person is an addict, or a drunk, or asleep all day).

34. You are free from the humiliation of your date going home with someone else.

35. You are free from waking up in a bathtub filled with ice, feeling a dull ache in your side, discovering a crudely sutured incision there and finding a crudely-scrawled note saying "Call 911".

36. You are free from waking up next to a stranger in a strange place and not remembering how you got there.

37. You are free from worrying over whether or not your date will be insulted if you offer to pay half, or if you have to ask for your date to pay half. ✅

38. You are free to choose where you're going. ✅

39. You are free to go home whenever you choose. ✅

40. You are free to stay home if you want to. ✅

Of course these things do happen.

I don't deny that they happen. I would be foolish to say that they don't happen.

I still, however, would not deny myself the opportunity to potentially meet the love of my life---despite the potential pitfalls.

Ironically....I wonder if I've been spared a lot of this stuff because of my undesirability and the relative lack of money?

Lots of this stuff, it seems to me, involves Machiavellian greed of some kind. There was nothing, really, that anybody could "take away."

Fnord,
You could add on other areas like the body shaming (I met a man who hated breasts and wanted to tape mine down with duct tape so I would be flat), the bizarre sex requests involving fetish or wish fulfilment, the general emotional abuse and the moment when you learn your date is conning you for something other than a relationship.

Korts,
Don't get me wrong. I'm not cynical and I still think romance is delightful, but there are definitely pitfalls along the way -- regardless of how a person tries to be proactive. Autistic people are even more vulnerable than the general population, especially if they have money.

I don't disagree at all. Autistic people are vulnerable because they don't "see the signs."

It took me a while to "see the signs."

I don't have a laundry list of "wants" for my lady. Lots of what I "want" involve somebody who would listen to me, and not play headgames with me.

I'm really a pretty simple man (my mother hates that!) I've been content, many times, with days when me and my girl read books without saying much to each other. Yet smiling at each other.

I had a relationship once where my lady just slept on my chest while I watched what she called "ball-foot." Which is American football. This happened on a frequent basis.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I felt good in that situation.

Pretty much anything in life comes with risks, some big, some small, some likely, some unlikely.
Everyone has to choose for themselves if the risks of a certain thing outweigh the benefits or not. Being aware of the risks is good. Some risks can be minimized simply by awareness.

Yes, of course the list is accurate. Some people are more at risk than others due to various factors and many aspies are among those more at risk.
But no matter what one does or doesn't do with their life risks and drawbacks can not be avoided completely.

This is one of those false dichotomies that Aspies are prone to. The issue is not, be dateless and be free of accusations, or date but get manipulated. It's date people who don't do that s**t in the first place.

I see way too many people in these forums feeling so grateful and astonished by someone accepting them at all, that they put up with incredibly dysfunctional relationships, apparently believing that's the best they can do.

I know I've put up with dysfunctional relationships.....but at least there came a time when it was "the last straw." The "straw that broke the camel's back."