Getting used to depression?

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The kintergarten announced they will be closed on Monday so at least the NT girl will stay home.
She's lovely but exhausting, very intelligent and good-willed but also a pushy, intrusive extrovert. She's getting crazy from too little human interaction when her kintergarten is closed.
I'm drowning. I started having meltdowns when anyone talks to me.
I told my husband, if the strike lasts until Easter, I'm going to be sick for many weeks afterwards.
He said, don't scare me.
I said, I was not trying to scare him, it's just the reality.
He concluded, one did not rule out the other.

He takes care of food and groceries but he's not really skilled with kids. Human interactions are definitely not his strength. Also, he works long hours.

well i just had a meltdown right on my kid, who was f*****g wailing for a pen i confiscated, because she f****d up her PJ with it and also smuggled it to KG (which is forbidden too). that all with me being visibly ill.

I wish I knew a solution to this.

nothing works. friends say, she will grow out of it. as of now i feel like a total b***h who really doesnt deserve to be a mother. also i should not be hijacking ur topic. please forgive me. i should be supporting u.

Oh, come on, knowing that someone is struggling with the same is kind of supporting

ya it is for me. good it is for u too. struggling indeed. i am very lost at this time. not my usual quality, ya. still want u to feel better, uknoit.

My parents mistook my last episode of depression as just a really big tantrum. That's so not what it was/is

we know...

Yes, we know it.
It's good you know what was happening.

magz. amazing skill in pinpointing) and ya, that is the most important part. u know, and keep that knowledge. and dont let anybody make u doubt it.

It's not really a pinpoint, it's selfish, it's pointing out what I lack.
I have no idea what I'm feeling.
Just my stomach gets crazy again and my hands shake even more than usual.
And I have a strange sensation in my limbs, like they were frostbitten - numb and burning. Gets worse with alcohol, unlike real frostbite. Never had anything like this before.
I suppose I'm panicking but I don't feel it, it's buried deep in my body.

been there, done that, got a tshirt. or 100. we could set up shop, ukno. so well. when i am trapped, when i see no way, when i dont know what to do - i look for the most morbid, scariest thing in my mindscape. and i go for it and take it down. past it lies the next level. each and every time. jump the shark. do it again. then, gradually, u find - u.

Suicidal again.
Like on a swing.

I'm starting to notice the pattern. I get suicidal when I'm exhausted and there is no prospect of rest.
Like my value was dependent on my work... and when I can't work, it becomes negative. I start to think that getting rid of me would be overall beneficial.
Right now I'm physically ill. So weak that I can't manage the children but I'm still in charge of them.
And no alone time.

^
I have no words of wisdom - hugs and good thoughts for you, please take care of yourself

Yep.

Be objective about your value to the children.

Take care of yourself.

{{{{{ magz }}}}}

You need time alone to decompress and heal your physical illness too. Is there anyone who can stand in for you with the kids while you rest, go to hospital, or go to someone's else's home, to take care of yourself? I'm worried about you. Please label this as an emergency with your husband. Do please keep us posted. I wish I could help because I know you carry a lot of stress and responsibility.

Thinking of you and sending best wishes.