Making an online dating profile

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Is it wise to disclose that you’re autistic on an online dating profile?

Depends on you. If you seek someone who is autistic or open minded about autism, it can help. Or you can hint about it, saying "i have sensory issues" or something like that. Personally, i mention my diagnosis openly because nowadays it's less of an issue.

There are other things that are more important to keep to yourself, like the size of your bank account, where you live, your political views and stuff like that which is a thing you can bring up on a second date.

I wouldn't. I'm probably more high functioning than average among autistics, so to disclose at that early stage would diminish my appeal. Also, since my photo would be on the profile, it would basically be disclosing to the entire population, something I'm unwilling to do.

And remember - once something's on the Internet, it's out there forever.

Last edited by BeaArthur on 08 Feb 2019, 10:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pro tip- dont try online dating.

But who am I to stop you. Id say if its something you think is important for your significant other to know than you should make it clear at the beginning but that doesnt necessarily mean you have to put it in your public profile

My diagnoses do not define me. I would not disclose any of the alphabet soup they've appended to me over the years in an on-line dating profile. Dating should be an interpersonal process of getting to know one another and making friends, not referencing the DSM-5. Demonstrate in thought, word, and deed why you should be friends; don't hand them a list of why you shouldn't.

The last time I posted a personal ad on Craig's List, a very dear (and very married) female friend helped me edit it. As a result, I've been married now for eight years to my best friend, who once told me that regarding ASD, if I never got any better than how I am at this very moment, it wouldn't matter to her; she loves me just as I am.
She read my original draft, and said that if I'd posted that, she'd have never responded to it.
She also says that I really suck at dating, so don't take sucking at dating as an insurmountable impediment.

Nice story, Piobaire. Thanks for sharing it.

Of course it's very likely that she'd never have responded to it, no matter how well written it is, because she would have hundreds of other ads as options.

I would say that's highly unwise but I also agree with other people who said it depends.

I for instance am like NT in functioning, self sufficient, living by myself with a job etc. Have good social skills.
However some folks you can tell outright they're autistic by their behavior, manners, outlook etc. So for those people maybe yes, and maybe they should look for special dating sites/categories. Again, I don't know you but depends on whether you can pass as NT and don't mind meeting anyone regardless of them being auties or not. But then again, some people you know nobody without a disability will have anything to do with them...so it's up to you man

I mentioned autism on some dating profiles & sites but not other times. I had a few women message me when I mentioned autism but they were expecting me to be like Bill Gates, very successful & rich working in the technology field. I had almost no messages when I didn't mention it. I'm one of the guys Chummy mentioned that you can tell is autistic or rather you can tell there's something off about me but most people wouldn't suspect autism because most don't have a clue what it is or think of it as Rain Man. I'm also the guy nobody without a disability will have anything to do with. I really s#ck with dating & have lots of other disabilities bedsides autism that limit me. The only time I had women message me a bit who weren't expecting me to be like Bill Gates was when I mentioned autism & other disabilities on dating sites for disabled people. They had no interest in a romantic relationship with me but were curious about some of the things I mentioned in my profiles or they had a similar thing & were happy to chat with others who also did. Most were guys, gays, & older women with kids.

No.

I would suggest it- if someone is going to be a jerk and have a problem with it, better to take them out of the pool right away.

Bad advice.

The whole point of dating profiles is to sell the attractive features of yourself to prospective partners. Almost no one considers Autism as an attractive feature, so it's best to omit it vs. put it out there and have people filter you out by it who otherwise may have agreed to a date.

I absolutely hate dating profiles.
My own feels bloated and shallow, and I feel that I have to "hide" things like my interest in computers and anime since they're, at best, things that women will tolerate (while video games is just a checkbox under hobbies... I let that one go at that with no further mention). Obviously aspergers is a no-show. I honestly don't know what to put, so a lot of it is fluff (I know it, and they must know it, too).

Then I look at women's profiles... Half the time they don't put anything at all, 45% of the time they put a vapid paragraph that tells me nothing (coincidentally, a shorter version of what I wrote...), and the remaining 5% put actual personality into what they write (whether or not that personality matches what I'm looking for is another story).

And since it's expected for men to message first, I wrack my brain about what to write about all of this non-information. It's really hard to figure out what to write when I know nothing about them (other than a general sense of their looks... which you're not supposed to talk about)... and women wonder why they get such low quality messages...

I don't mean to pick on you at all; just wanted to post my feedback on your post.

For your own profile:

Less is more. Disclose less, say very little about your interests and who you are. No need to write a book. Just a few bullet points will do. As they say in marketing, "Sell the sizzle, not the steak." Put only enough info out there for someone to be intrigued by and then leave it in their hands to be interested enough to message you to find out more.

For messaging others:

As for coming up with what to say or comment on, again, less is more. No need to write a book. The best thing you could do is open with an open ended question. (Not a yes/no question.) i.e. If in her profile she write something like "I enjoy nature walks." Then you might send something like "How are the hikes around here this time of year?" That let's her know you read her profile, and it's a sales technique intended to sell someone on responding to you & carrying on a conversation. It gives her a no pressure way to reply if she's interested in you at all. Then depending on what she replies with, you tailor your response. If the hikes are pretty good, within a few messages you'll be suggesting you meet up for one. If she says the weather's far too unseasonal for a hike, then that's your opportunity to ask what she'd prefer to get up to this time of year. etc. Just an example. But yeah, anyways, if you're at a loss for what to say to initiate a conversation with someone after reading their dating profile.. go back to square one and try to think of an Open Ended question to ask them about some thing in their profile, as those types of messages tend to get much better responses than others.

I'd rather be rejected earlier than get attached to a person then get rejected.
Then again my presentation of autism is more noticeable than many and if I choose not to be upfront with it, I'm sure they would notice something was up. I'd rather get the questions and misconceptions cleared up right away than it become a long drawn out issue.

People would either have to find out you are autistic eventually, or make up their own reasoning, an example;
You have a meltdown;
You've told/explained it to them all ready; "I hope he's okay, lets get through this, he/she is having a meltdown"
You haven't; "Holy crap, what a manipulative grown child"

And autism definitely isn't unattractive to everyone.

So disclose it in a private conversation once you’re communicating with someone, IMO. Putting it in a profile will only serve to have more people reject you for it who might have otherwise chatted with you and decided they were ok with it.

Oh, really? Feel free to provide any links to any statements by anyone, ever, stating that they’re attracted to autism/autistics. Besides some people on the spectrum stating that they feel they’re only compatible with others on the spectrum, I cannot recall ever reading that someone is attracted to autism/autistics.