The question of attractiveness

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The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Jun 2019, 7:10 am

hurtloam wrote:
Well, I think this May explain my recent weird dating experience. I think he just wanted to have sex with me, and asked me out based on that, then thought about compatibility and realised there was nothing more to it and stopped things before we even got physical.

I still find it weird though, because we were good friends.

What element was missing. Sex, check. Getting on well, check. Things in common, check. Similar life goals, check. Other criteria, not a clue.

I suspect it's because I've got more life milestones. I've bought a house, I have a good job (not that he doesnt, but I may earn more), I own a car, I have a good credit rating, etc... I think he may want someone to grow with, rather than keep up with... I personally don't care about those things, but maybe it's an ego thing.

What more is needed? Why couldn't I have had more of a chance? Why wouldn't he give it a go and just see if things worked out? Could that be worse than dropping me like a hot potato and not being friends any more at all?

I lost my friend because of a sexual whim and I hate that.



Haven’t life taught you already that there’s no *real* friendship between men and women?



Kurgan
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16 Jun 2019, 7:35 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Well, I think this May explain my recent weird dating experience. I think he just wanted to have sex with me, and asked me out based on that, then thought about compatibility and realised there was nothing more to it and stopped things before we even got physical.

I still find it weird though, because we were good friends.

What element was missing. Sex, check. Getting on well, check. Things in common, check. Similar life goals, check. Other criteria, not a clue.

I suspect it's because I've got more life milestones. I've bought a house, I have a good job (not that he doesnt, but I may earn more), I own a car, I have a good credit rating, etc... I think he may want someone to grow with, rather than keep up with... I personally don't care about those things, but maybe it's an ego thing.

What more is needed? Why couldn't I have had more of a chance? Why wouldn't he give it a go and just see if things worked out? Could that be worse than dropping me like a hot potato and not being friends any more at all?

I lost my friend because of a sexual whim and I hate that.



Haven’t life taught you already that there’s no *real* friendship between men and women?



It depends. If a male coworker asks you to go out with him (without other coworkers) or if a guy you know starts doing a lot of favors for you, don't assume it's because he badly wants a female best friend.


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MaxE
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16 Jun 2019, 9:40 am

Kurgan wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Haven’t life taught you already that there’s no *real* friendship between men and women?



It depends. If a male coworker asks you to go out with him (without other coworkers) or if a guy you know starts doing a lot of favors for you, don't assume it's because he badly wants a female best friend.
It can happen, but it's not something you'd deliberately set out to MAKE happen.

Just as people don't go on dating sites simply to start platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex. They are looking for romance, in other words they want to date somebody, initiate a process that eventually leads to a sexual liaison either immediately or over a period of months, but that's the sole purpose. Everybody that does it is looking for sex, be it casual sex, sex within a serious relationship, or sex within a marriage. Might as well accept that.


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nick007
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16 Jun 2019, 2:17 pm

MaxE wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Haven’t life taught you already that there’s no *real* friendship between men and women?



It depends. If a male coworker asks you to go out with him (without other coworkers) or if a guy you know starts doing a lot of favors for you, don't assume it's because he badly wants a female best friend.
It can happen, but it's not something you'd deliberately set out to MAKE happen.

Just as people don't go on dating sites simply to start platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex. They are looking for romance, in other words they want to date somebody, initiate a process that eventually leads to a sexual liaison either immediately or over a period of months, but that's the sole purpose. Everybody that does it is looking for sex, be it casual sex, sex within a serious relationship, or sex within a marriage. Might as well accept that.
I used dating sites for asexuals before. They want a romantic realtionship without having to deal with the sexual aspect. Some which are along the lines of demisexual or grey asexual are open to having sex but it's not really a want or desire within a romantic realtionship. That's kinda how it is for me. I like sex OK but I'm fine not having it & much rather the intimacy & connection than the sex.


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kraftiekortie
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16 Jun 2019, 2:21 pm

There are many close and nonsexual relationships between men and women.