The question of attractiveness

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that1weirdgrrrl
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15 Jun 2019, 2:27 pm

I wonder if people who have a hard time attracting partners aren't quite picky with who they are willing to spend time with.

Since I adopted the attitude of I'm excited to just spend time with people and get to know them, I've faced very little rejection. The worst I got this year was let's just be friends. And he still invited me to hang out with him as friends.

You can argue this is because I'm female or whatever, but my previous experience was not like this. And if anything I've only gotten older and less desirable, haha



hurtloam
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15 Jun 2019, 2:29 pm

That hasn't worked for me. I'm willing to give anyone a chance.

Tumbleweed.


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Twilightprincess
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15 Jun 2019, 2:30 pm

I think it gets progressively more difficult once you’re out of your early 20’s because there are fewer and fewer single people to choose from.



hurtloam
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15 Jun 2019, 2:41 pm

Yes, that is also true. And the available ones are all commitment-phobes.

I tried dating younger... that was a disaster.


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hurtloam
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15 Jun 2019, 2:44 pm

Speaking of attractiveness - I've decided it's time to start dying my hair.

I'm terrified. Gonna go to a salon to get it done right.

Good grief! It's expensive!


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nick007
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15 Jun 2019, 3:01 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
I think it gets progressively more difficult once you’re out of your early 20’s because there are fewer and fewer single people to choose from.
It's not as bad for guys at least depending where they live. Where I used to live younger women seemed to flock to the older guys. Lots of those women tended to have daddy issues or other issues going on thou. The guys seemed to want flings & only stayed with the women when they got pregnant. The guys also tended to be losers who wanted to mooch of the woman & her family.


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Last edited by nick007 on 15 Jun 2019, 3:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MaxE
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15 Jun 2019, 3:01 pm

hurtloam wrote:
You're making men seem very very stupid. And unkind, like women are throw away objects.
Men are by and large stupid and unkind. At least I was when I was dating.


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15 Jun 2019, 4:04 pm

MannyBoo wrote:
Not only a good attractive face matters, but also fit slim healthy body. In men or women, obesity or overweight is not attractive, neither is underweight or anorexic, regardless of attractive face, and in fact a sign of unhealthy.

Additionally, if personality is kind, and attitude is positive, then that person is all-round attractive, and healthy, both emotionally and physically. If you can find someone who is attractive in both categories, it’s the best case.


I kinda disagree, if you're too overweight or underweight to the point its causing medical concerns that is not attractive, but one doesn't have to be fit and slim to be attractive, not everyone has the same body type. Good hygiene, a haircut/style that looks good on you, and clean clothes can do quite a lot.


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Twilightprincess
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15 Jun 2019, 4:09 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
MannyBoo wrote:
Not only a good attractive face matters, but also fit slim healthy body. In men or women, obesity or overweight is not attractive, neither is underweight or anorexic, regardless of attractive face, and in fact a sign of unhealthy.

Additionally, if personality is kind, and attitude is positive, then that person is all-round attractive, and healthy, both emotionally and physically. If you can find someone who is attractive in both categories, it’s the best case.


I kinda disagree, if you're too overweight or underweight to the point its causing medical concerns that is not attractive, but one doesn't have to be fit and slim to be attractive, not everyone has the same body type. Good hygiene, a haircut/style that looks good on you, and clean clothes can do quite a lot.


The majority of Americans are overweight or obese, so if only fit people can get into relationships, we’re in trouble.



hurtloam
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15 Jun 2019, 4:20 pm

MaxE wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
You're making men seem very very stupid. And unkind, like women are throw away objects.
Men are by and large stupid and unkind. At least I was when I was dating.


I'm beginning to not want a man anymore. It's not worth the pain.


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MaxE
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15 Jun 2019, 7:58 pm

hurtloam wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Men are by and large stupid and unkind. At least I was when I was dating.


I'm beginning to not want a man anymore. It's not worth the pain.
Well I can't honestly say that all men are stupid and unkind. In fact, many probably aren't.

When I was young, what primarily interested me in a girl/woman was whether she would have sex with me, although I wasn't actually trying to be a player. I just didn't think beyond that point until I was actually in the relationship. BTW some of these relationships were started by the female. Of everybody I dated or had sex with, I would say the vast majority did not look back on it with extreme regret. A couple probably did, however they weren't entirely blameless for the failure of those relationships.

Nevertheless I was guilty of valuing sexual compatibility over other admirable characteristics. Too many negatives such as if the woman was older than I and also had some sort of chronic health condition, and I would wimp out. Where other guys might have manned up.

But I could also tell stories of women who were less than saintly in their dealings with me, particularly if their chief interest in me was also sexual, but they had trouble admitting that to themselves.

This does mean that I can sometimes see the man's point of view when I read relationship stories from female posters. Which means that I can't automatically dismiss the man as being a jerk. At least one time recently, I wanted to tell the woman that a problem she was experiencing in a relationship was mostly her fault, at least in principle. But I couldn't think of a way to say it without just making her feel worse.

Mostly just basing what I say on experience as opposed to some ideal standard of behavior. I sincerely hope the younger generation can do better.


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that1weirdgrrrl
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15 Jun 2019, 8:28 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Speaking of attractiveness - I've decided it's time to start dying my hair.

I'm terrified. Gonna go to a salon to get it done right.

Good grief! It's expensive!


What colour are you getting?

I wish I had the guts to dye my hair.... It's starting to turn white, too! Haha



hurtloam
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16 Jun 2019, 12:45 am

Well, I think this May explain my recent weird dating experience. I think he just wanted to have sex with me, and asked me out based on that, then thought about compatibility and realised there was nothing more to it and stopped things before we even got physical.

I still find it weird though, because we were good friends.

What element was missing. Sex, check. Getting on well, check. Things in common, check. Similar life goals, check. Other criteria, not a clue.

I suspect it's because I've got more life milestones. I've bought a house, I have a good job (not that he doesnt, but I may earn more), I own a car, I have a good credit rating, etc... I think he may want someone to grow with, rather than keep up with... I personally don't care about those things, but maybe it's an ego thing.

What more is needed? Why couldn't I have had more of a chance? Why wouldn't he give it a go and just see if things worked out? Could that be worse than dropping me like a hot potato and not being friends any more at all?

I lost my friend because of a sexual whim and I hate that.


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Last edited by hurtloam on 16 Jun 2019, 12:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

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16 Jun 2019, 12:48 am

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Speaking of attractiveness - I've decided it's time to start dying my hair.

I'm terrified. Gonna go to a salon to get it done right.

Good grief! It's expensive!


What colour are you getting?

I wish I had the guts to dye my hair.... It's starting to turn white, too! Haha


I don't know! It's gone a strange dull brown colour as I'm greying. I'm not sure if I stay light brown with highlights or go a bit more blonde, or maybe red.

I thought I'd go for a consultation with a stylist and discuss it.


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Kurgan
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16 Jun 2019, 4:18 am

I'm 30, and although I'm in a long-term relationship, women are far more interested now than ten years ago. I'm physically fit, have a well-paying (and high prestige job) and I am at an age where men are gaining bargaining power and women are losing it. The 30s are so much better than the 20s.

To all the early 20 something guys: Hang in there! Focus on gaining experience and improving yourselves. Inexperience is a dealbreaker to many women, so lie about your inexperience in the beginning and don't focus on gaining a long-term relationship. Focus on overcoming shyness, anxiety and so on rather than any expensive PUA bullshit. Do not pay for prostitutes or support any cruel criminal industry like that.


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