does anyone else get extremely upset if they lose a friend?

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Summer_Twilight
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17 Apr 2019, 9:34 am

serpentari wrote:
much different to me. death gives sorrow, mourning and emptyness that cannot be filled. betrayal gives cold rage and excruciating pain. and then there is "by mutual meltdown".


I have learned that the loss of friendship takes a long time to work through and especially when a relationship was toxic along with the loss. By the way, both of the relationships were toxic but after years of anger with my childhood friend, I finally let her go. I am sure that I will let go of the other friend and accept it that I am better of without her because she was not worth it either. The main thing is to forgive both of them.



serpentari
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17 Apr 2019, 10:04 am

forgiving, no. not in case of betrayal. archiving it, yes. past, irrelevant. not wasting mental/emotional resourse on it.


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magz
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17 Apr 2019, 10:25 am

I don't really.
My "friends" just drift away from me and I'm okay with it.
Sometimes I regret losing contact - but I just can't keep it up, I don't have this kind of power.
Sometimes we rebind after a few years. Sometimes we can't.
I don't remember ever being betrayed by a friend - maybe beacuse I'm slow to consider one my friend.


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serpentari
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17 Apr 2019, 10:27 am

so am i. and then my friends have to deal with my f*****g paranoia, left by old betrayals. among other s**t.


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Summer_Twilight
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17 Apr 2019, 10:39 am

serpentari wrote:
forgiving, no. not in case of betrayal. archiving it, yes. past, irrelevant. not wasting mental/emotional resourse on it.


Forgivness means that you don't back and be someone's friend who hurt you, rather it means that you still love them on the inside while acknowledging that they were betrayed you but you don't let it get to you anymore. Sure you can reconcile with someone but they may not want to reconcile with you.



serpentari
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17 Apr 2019, 10:47 am

reconcile is 2 way thing. otherwise its called forgiveness ya. but i dont forgive betrayal. i simply store a list of names. reconcile is an option when something went honestly wrong. miscommunication. when hurt happened without such intent. then, if u are lucky, u can reconcile. rebuild that relationship. if the other person is willing too.


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beware the ire of the patient ones!
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Summer_Twilight
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17 Apr 2019, 10:59 am

serpentari wrote:
reconcile is 2 way thing. otherwise its called forgiveness ya. but i dont forgive betrayal. i simply store a list of names. reconcile is an option when something went honestly wrong. miscommunication. when hurt happened without such intent. then, if u are lucky, u can reconcile. rebuild that relationship. if the other person is willing too.



Well actually, that's not true. You can forgive the person and heal yourself without ever meeting with that person. I think it's hard because that person who wronged you may be so wrapped up in themselves and they have moved onto other people. I found some good guided meditations that have helped with clarity.

One of the ways that I am working through the rejection of the friend who rejected me 5 years ago is through meditation. It helps me tell myself that "It's not my problem that this ex-friend really hates me. It's not my problem that she has felt a certain way about herself because I didn't create the problems for her." It's also not your problem that your "Friends" betrayed you.



serpentari
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17 Apr 2019, 11:04 am

like i said. its not forgiving. its well, archiving it. also, making some use out of it. learning something. so next time u'd be a harder target. there are things to forgive. and there are things unforgivable. other thing is to not let it weight u down, which was me to have told u in the first place. afair. i will not be discussing this further. i am low on energy.


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beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


Summer_Twilight
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17 Apr 2019, 12:08 pm

serpentari wrote:
like i said. its not forgiving. its well, archiving it. also, making some use out of it. learning something. so next time u'd be a harder target. there are things to forgive. and there are things unforgivable. other thing is to not let it weight u down, which was me to have told u in the first place. afair. i will not be discussing this further. i am low on energy.


I am not more careful about how I select my friends being that I have had some pretty bad friends in my life. I also now know how to look for the signs of a toxic friendship since I have done some research on which signs to be on the look for.

Questions to ask myself
1. Is this friendship a two-way street or are you there for each other?
2. Is this friend accepting of you no matter what choices you make good or bad?
3. Does this person bring you up?
4. Is this friend supportive?
5. Do you feel good after spending time with them?
6. Can you be yourself around them?
7. How much do you have in common/are you compatible?
9.Do they stick with you through thick and thin?



CockneyRebel
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17 Apr 2019, 11:03 pm

I get very upset whenever I lose a friend. Most of my friends from my clubhouse have past away over the past 20 years.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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17 Apr 2019, 11:50 pm

It's easier to not deal with friends altogether

Counseling and wrong planet



Summer_Twilight
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19 Apr 2019, 9:01 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
It's easier to not deal with friends altogether

Counseling and wrong planet


I see what you are saying because it's getting harder and harder to determine who is a friend and who is not. I have learned to be by myself and just connect with my cat.



serpentari
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19 Apr 2019, 9:18 am

my friends are people, who are currently sleeping off a week of having watched me around the clock in shifts


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


Summer_Twilight
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19 Apr 2019, 10:26 am

serpentari wrote:
my friends are people, who are currently sleeping off a week of having watched me around the clock in shifts


I have friends now but I have just become so used to be alone and feel comfortable with myself



shortfatbalduglyman
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19 Apr 2019, 9:10 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
It's easier to not deal with friends altogether

Counseling and wrong planet


I see what you are saying because it's getting harder and harder to determine who is a friend and who is not. I have learned to be by myself and just connect with my cat.



"Beggars can't be choosers", but you have to draw boundaries somewhere.

Every situation is different, but plenty of lil dipshits act like they are so f*****g special and important. And they are just similar to other idiots


Having friends usually "helps" a teaspoon for that time. Loosing friends "hurts," a gallon, for much longer


Lil ass holes are way too judgmental


"Are you ok ?", Like they care and can "help"

They tell me, my reaction, instead of what they did wrong


Even when they say "sorry", it's sympathy, not apology



There are a lot of assumptions and expectations each party has


And I don't know what they are, until penises violate the boundaries


Then I don't tell them the boundaries


If I tell them, they might do it less, the same, or more


Only one out of three options is favorable


Not all three options are equally likely


And they might purposely do what I told them to stop doing, more, just to get on my nerves



That sounds like something Amy Lee scheel b***h would do



They are so arrogant that they truly believe that every time someone does something they don't like, someone violated their stupidass "rights"


They believe that they have a "right" to be happy at all times



Nobody has a "right" to be happy


Not even the president


People make fun of the president and he can't do anything about it.