does anyone else get extremely upset if they lose a friend?

Page 3 of 3 [ 40 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

warrier120
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 18 Dec 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 385
Location: Southern California

19 Apr 2019, 9:38 pm

I lost a potential friend this year (as I may have said a few dozen times on this forum). Since my emotions are rather strong compared to those of NT kids my age, I was absolutely devastated by that loss. (If I'm upset, I'm REALLY upset, and if I'm happy, I'm REALLY happy.) I tried so hard to try to bring it back but nothing could be done to save it. It is DEAD.

I must accept that the girl I tried to be friends with is very unlikely to forgive me for the mistake I made that ended our friendship. But she also made mistakes too — she lied to me to avoid me. She said she had no time to hang out with friends, but I've seen photos of her on Instagram with friends, so I know that definitely wasn't true. It was that she failed to MAKE time for me.

Now people know why my expectations for future friendships are so high. It's because of all of the past rejections scarring me and making me resentful.


_________________
AQ Score: 20

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 93 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 125 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits

Level 1 ASD, INTP, heteroromantic asexual


shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,039

19 Apr 2019, 9:54 pm

Almost every single time, idiots dumped me. When I should have dumped them first

They went from 100 to 99 friends

And I went from 1 to zero friends

Too much peer pressure

Ass holes overvalue themselves



Magna
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,511

19 Apr 2019, 10:25 pm

Actually, not really. Other than my wife and internet friends, I haven't had a flesh and blood friend in 18 years. I've been too busy, for one. But even back when I did have some friends, in retrospect, I thought I might have subconsciously sabotaged the friendships for some reason but wasn't sure what the reason might have been.

Looking back on those friendships now, I think what happened is that I stopped masking and filtering altogether with very close friends whom I masked and filtered little to begin with. They found it refreshing initially, but as time wore on and I stopped the masking and filtering completely, I think it was too much. Things like echolalia and imitating them and their mannerisms, etc. because it was entertaining to me at the time to do that; however I was oblivious to the fact that it was annoying to them.


_________________
"There is no love of living without despair of life." - Albert Camus

"Ain't nothing but a stranger in this world
I'm nothing but a stranger in this world" -Van Morrison

AQ-43 (32-50 indicates a strong likelihood of Asperger syndrome or autism).
EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 39 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


Last edited by Magna on 19 Apr 2019, 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,039

19 Apr 2019, 10:51 pm

Then maybe I should have done a written contract

But idiots don't have to take it

And if they took it and violated it, then what? Insecure attachment style

Clinging and codependent

"Holier than thou" attitude

Say "excuse me", not "what"

Do cancelling, except extreme situation. Having a lot of homework is not extreme

Dogs on leash

Do not call yourself "people"

No peer pressure



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,619

20 Apr 2019, 12:04 pm

Last year, after leaving a synagogue that was not a great fit, due to the rabbi and several others not respecting me as a person. Not long after that, I lost "Friends" who consisted of a couple who were mad at me for leaving. In their mind, I needed to "Stop getting offended." I was over there one more time and the husband decided he didn't want me around because he didn't like the way I do things. So when he was putting the kids to bed, his wife and I were enjoying ourselves in the kitchen when he shouts at out. "Wife, Summer LEAVE! You're making too much noise in the house." Since then:
1. I have never been invited over there
2. The wife stopped calling and texting me one on one rather she started texting me and email

Believe me, I am mad at that husband :x and do I ever want to write him and tell him off sometimes while demanding an apology to me.



SweetOnSylvia
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 1 Feb 2019
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Posts: 49
Location: Texas

22 Apr 2019, 7:32 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
serpentari wrote:
li

Questions to ask myself
1. Is this friendship a two-way street or are you there for each other?
2. Is this friend accepting of you no matter what choices you make good or bad?
3. Does this person bring you up?
4. Is this friend supportive?
5. Do you feel good after spending time with them?
6. Can you be yourself around them?
7. How much do you have in common/are you compatible?
9.Do they stick with you through thick and thin?



This list is very helpful. Thank you.


_________________
"All by myself I am a huge camellia
glowing and coming and going, flush on flush."
-Sylvia Plath, Fever 103


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,619

22 Apr 2019, 8:18 pm

SweetOnSylvia wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
serpentari wrote:
li

Questions to ask myself
1. Is this friendship a two-way street or are you there for each other?
2. Is this friend accepting of you no matter what choices you make good or bad?
3. Does this person bring you up?
4. Is this friend supportive?
5. Do you feel good after spending time with them?
6. Can you be yourself around them?
7. How much do you have in common/are you compatible?
9.Do they stick with you through thick and thin?



This list is very helpful. Thank you.


You are welcome



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 30,520
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

23 Apr 2019, 4:59 pm

I have lost most friends I've made.

Mostly just have drifted apart from them, also as a kid my family moved quite a few times and so I lost friends that way though I never had many friends at school and got picked on a lot. But since my childhood any 'friends' I've made I have kind of drifted away from, or they drifted away from me. Come to think of it anymore I get more on acquaintance base with people but not very close friends, there are some people I know I wouldn't mind reaching out to, to try and create a bigger friendship but I haven't really.

I have a friend who has been in prison, I mean he and my brother are closer friends but I certainly regard him as one to. But he has been away long enough, and I am sure the experience has changed him some that seeing him when he does get out might be like meeting a stranger than an old friend, but I guess I'll see when the time comes. Its always been a thing with me if I haven't seen someone long enough then I don't really feel like I know them anymore. Even family members.


_________________
Tell me lies tell me sweet little lies, tell me lies.


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,619

24 Apr 2019, 10:13 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I have lost most friends I've made.

Mostly just have drifted apart from them, also as a kid my family moved quite a few times and so I lost friends that way though I never had many friends at school and got picked on a lot. But since my childhood any 'friends' I've made I have kind of drifted away from, or they drifted away from me. Come to think of it anymore I get more on acquaintance base with people but not very close friends, there are some people I know I wouldn't mind reaching out to, to try and create a bigger friendship but I haven't really.

I have a friend who has been in prison, I mean he and my brother are closer friends but I certainly regard him as one to. But he has been away long enough, and I am sure the experience has changed him some that seeing him when he does get out might be like meeting a stranger than an old friend, but I guess I'll see when the time comes. Its always been a thing with me if I haven't seen someone long enough then I don't really feel like I know them anymore. Even family members.


There was a girl who lived in my same neighborhood who I did things with but I was not really at the top of her list when it came to inviting me to her birthday parties. I ended up moving away when I was 10 and had invited her and her sister to my birthday at the new house. When we spoke on the phone, they could not make it and nor did she seem like she was that excited to talk to me or go to the party. I was upset because I thought she was my friend but decided she wasn't worth persuing. My mom and I went out to spend the day together and she told me on the way there that it was very rude of my "Friend" to act like that about my party and that she was not much of a friend to begin with.

In the meantime, I started investing my time in my other childhood friend who I often talk about on here. She and her mom made an effort to make the drive to celebrate my birthday at the new house.



JonWood007
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 25 Apr 2019
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 40

28 Apr 2019, 4:42 pm

Depends why. Some friends I'm like "nananana hey hey hey goodbye!". Others tend to hurt more. I actually lost a friend the other day over a misunderstanding. Now granted i did alienate the person to some degree and am willing to accept responsibility for that but the reasons she gave seemed to be a complete and utter misinterpretation of my intentions and a misunderstanding of things i said in the worst possible light. I'm kind of upset over that. She was a good friend, i alienated her, and then she blew up on me because she took something i said out of context. Tried to explain it from my perspective but they're ignoring me. Kinda upset over it, but...meh.

Idk after a while it gets old. This isn't the first time I've alienated someone. This one hurts a bit because of how highly i valued them and because part of it really was my fault, but eh. It happens.


_________________
AQ: 35
RAADS-R: 155
EQ: 20
RDOS: NT- 93, ND- 119