Anyone else with an ED?

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I used to have anorexia (although I think it was more related to autism routines and rituals than trying to be thin). Then I went through a period where I was at a healthy weight, and then I developed binge eating disorder (not professionally diagnosed, but describes my disordered eating pretty well). And now I'm at a higher (but still "healthy") weight, and am trying to normalize my eating and weight.

I used to want to gain weight when I was underweight, and now that I'm borderline overweight I want to lose weight. I think I mostly just want to fit in, although losing a little fat won't fix my social problems at all.

Also, I've found that the most effective way to eat properly without anxiety is to do Intuitive Eating. When I eat this way, my anxiety is significantly lessened, and my weight stabilizes without much fuss, and I generally feel better all around. Right now I'm trying to not weight myself because its super triggering for me and leads to me starving myself, and then binge eating till I feel terrible.

I was diagnosed with an ED in 2007 and I no longer have an ED. I believe my anorexia tendencies came from OCD and body dysmorphia. I have been insecured about my body since 6th grade and it didn't feel like my own body and I felt like I was just wearing it and I was actually skinny under this body. No matter how much weight I would lose, I still felt like this isn't my body and I am still fat. I also didn't like my large breasts either and found them to be disgusting. I felt that way about my thighs too and my butt. My OCD made me fear weight gain and getting fat so that contributed to my anorexic eating habits. I did food restriction but was still in my healthy weight range but I had low potassium and pale skin. That would mean I had atypical anorexia or an ED-NOS.

People thought I was anorexic when I was little cuz of how thin I was due to eating very little. I was a very picky eater who would rather go hungry than eat something I didn't like & I couldn't get the food I wanted. At one point some people actually had concerns that I would die. I tended to eat only one meal a day as a teen & in my 20s cuz I cant really cook much & mom hated cooking special meals for me so I'd just pig out on one meal like when we ate out, she cooked something I liked, or pulled something out the freezer or fridge for me. I started eating a lot more after I moved in with my girlfriend. I started eating 3 meals a day partly due to meds & supplements I'm on & the fact that I can get the food I like more. My mind & body were still used to me eating a lot when I ate so I'd eat a lot & sometimes pig out on snacks. I'm still in that habit & am overweight & maybe even obese now(not sure).

There's a time I thought I had. Because I've yet to pass over 50kg and being skinny for all my life.
Except I never been to a point of skin and bones. Almost never been sickly or weak for all my life. Never had my health in brink of danger because of any eating habit. I've never been truly unhealthy at all.

It's just sensory issues and executive function.
I've long outgrew several food related intolerances. Nowadays, I'm learning better ways on how I can acquire new and various food tastes and setups.
I'd still prefer focusing on my tasks and wants than basic needs though, and I've yet to master certain impulses and overcome cravings.

My appetite's fine, and it's just really not easy for me to gain weight no matter how much or what I ate -- which is something I inherited instead. I'm just... Constantly underweight no matter what my eating habits are. Maybe until at my 30s more likely.
Never once in my life worried being fat or too skinny. I'm still trying to gain some weight because I wanna have more muscles in my body.

I'm more worried about becoming more 'fragile' or weak because of the lifestyles I wanna try out -- I just wanna be more physically able than I already am, than anything to do with bodily image let alone anything socially relevant.

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yes i´ve had an eating disorder since i was 9 that i can remember. could be earlier. I´ve had better and worse time. I´m on a worse time now. Mainly i have bulimia with some restrictive features. Diagnosed as EDNOS years ago

I've had an eating disorder since I was about 11. I did try to get diagnosed a year or so ago, but they refused to diagnose me because the eating disorder specialist I spoke to thought I would be better served by autism services. The problem is, we don't have adult autism services in my region, so I don't have anything. I practice restrictive eating and my exercising can easily become excessive. If I have a day off exercise, I find it difficult to justify eating anything at all. Sometimes when I am anxious or stressed I make myself throw up or chew food up and spit it out. I have body dysmorphia and a lot of the time I disgust myself. I want help so f*****g badly.

I keep trying to fix it on my own but it only ever seems to get worse and more destructive. The amount of time I waste obsessing over food and exercise is extreme; I'm sure I would be at a better place in my life without it. I would certainly be able to get a lot more done. It's a waste of my brain.

Maybe try the eating disorders clinic again?

This person put you in a Catch 22. The person recommended autism services, which apparently is quite inadequate in your area. So you are left without treatment.

That really is not fair to you.

^ I have thought about it, but it takes such a great amount of energy to get anything like that done around here, as we're not very well provided for when it comes to mental health. The eating disorder specialist I spoke to was from the nearest ED unit, which happens to be in a different county. If I want to access services there, I have to be granted funding from our local NHS trust, as I'm not eligible for funding in the other county. The application process requires time and a good doctor willing to put the effort in on my behalf, as well as a lot of emotional energy on my part. I know that the last time I tried, I got very desperate and even suicidal, as it seemed that the only way I could get help was to become ill enough that they'd have to help me with urgency. I've gotten really into my strength training and the muscle I've built means that my BMI is on the lower end of the healthy range. It feels like the only way I can hope to access services is if I make my physical appearance match my mental state.

Maybe now that I have finished my degree, I can try again. I have the time and perhaps a bit more emotional energy. It certainly doesn't seem right that I ended up with no treatment at all.