Is my gf being supportive of me, or no?

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

ironpony
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 34
Posts: 406
Location: canada

10 Mar 2019, 5:11 am

Lately I've been going through a lot of stress in my life, over some things, and I go to my gf for support, but she acts kind either nonchalant, or just really mellow or relaxed, saying don't worry, I'm making too big a deal out of, don't stress yourself out, etc.

I feel that she is thinking I make too big a deal out of things, and is not taking them seriously, when I try to get her to console, or she is being supportive and her acting like I am making too big a deal out of it is sincere, but how can I get her to get more on the same page as me and not be so relaxed, like this is nothing?



Piobaire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,347
Location: Smackass Gap, NC

10 Mar 2019, 6:43 am

ironpony wrote:
Lately I've been going through a lot of stress in my life, over some things, and I go to my gf for support, but she acts kind either nonchalant, or just really mellow or relaxed, saying don't worry, I'm making too big a deal out of, don't stress yourself out, etc.

I feel that she is thinking I make too big a deal out of things, and is not taking them seriously, when I try to get her to console, or she is being supportive and her acting like I am making too big a deal out of it is sincere, but how can I get her to get more on the same page as me and not be so relaxed, like this is nothing?

You say that subjectively you're stressed out. Perhaps in offering you a little perspective and a safe place to chill out and relax she is being supportive of you.
She's your lover, not your therapist.



LonelyTogether
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 15 Mar 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 19
Location: MN, USA

15 Mar 2019, 10:57 pm

Telling someone not to worry when they are stressed is most often intended as support especially when you see someone is struggling but you aren't sure of more specific words to use in the situation.



Sabreclaw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2015
Age: 119
Posts: 1,923

16 Mar 2019, 1:02 am

Why are you looking to your girlfriend for emotional support? Showing signs of weakness to her is a terrible idea.



SameStars
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 May 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,693

16 Mar 2019, 3:56 am

It's probably her way of trying to be supportive. My girlfriend says that sometimes when I'm really on the edge, and for me that isn't helpful at those times. I'll feel like how can you know? or like I'm not being taken seriously and downplayed. I told her how it made me feel, and she realised how someone could take her words in a way she didn't mean and felt a bit bad about it (which I didn't want either, cause it was meant well, of course).

Talk to her, it will help you understand each other better.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 21,601
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont

16 Mar 2019, 10:53 am

Me & my girlfriend rely on each other for emotional support. We have/had some of the same issues thou like depression, anxiety, & OCD. We relate & have an idea of what would of helped & not helped us. Cass is dealing with some stuff that I cant relate to thou so it's harder for me to be supportive of that than some other stuff she's dealing with.
It seems quite possible OP that your girlfriend simply cant relate to what your going through so she doesn't really know how to be supportive. I agree with SameStars that you should talk to her about it & maybe you could get her to better understand what kind of support you want.


_________________
But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.


BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 4,922

16 Mar 2019, 10:54 pm

ironpony wrote:
... how can I get her to get more on the same page as me and not be so relaxed

You want your girlfriend to be less relaxed? Strikes me that's a pretty selfish desire.

One thing I would advise is that you not whine about your worries. It can be pretty annoying to the person who has to listen to it. Maybe this doesn't apply to you. But if there's a chance it does, I'll repeat what another commenter said: She is your girlfriend, not your therapist. If talking about your anxieties helps you deal with them, you might need to get a therapist. A little bit of sharing with a romantic partner is reasonable, but not obsessing about them.


_________________
Gone.