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kraftiekortie
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15 Mar 2019, 4:06 pm

That's a very important point. Paternity hasn't actually been established.

If a person has been "living outside the system" for a long time, they can easily evade child support. Child support involves determining how much the father/mother makes. This is almost always documented on either a W-2 or a 1199 form.

I'll have to look up whether Tennessee actually requires someone to take a DNA test to establish parentage.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 15 Mar 2019, 4:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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15 Mar 2019, 4:10 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
That's a very important point. Paternity hasn't actually been established.


...and I hate to say, but that's a good thing in this case. Once paternity is established he can ask for custody of the child, in order to save money on child support. He can easily claim that she is an unfit mother. He works and she doesn't. That's all the court cares about.



Fnord
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15 Mar 2019, 4:22 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
That's a very important point. Paternity hasn't actually been established.
… and I hate to say, but that's a good thing in this case. Once paternity is established he can ask for custody of the child, in order to save money on child support. He can easily claim that she is an unfit mother. He works and she doesn't. That's all the court cares about.
Where I'm from, the courts also look at the stability of the home, and a stay-at-home mom is considered more stable than a truck driver -- in my case, a stay-at-home mom with a bipolar disorder was considered to be more stable than an electrical engineer making a near-six-figure salary.

:shrug: Go figure.



IsabellaLinton
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15 Mar 2019, 4:30 pm

Fnord wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
That's a very important point. Paternity hasn't actually been established.
… and I hate to say, but that's a good thing in this case. Once paternity is established he can ask for custody of the child, in order to save money on child support. He can easily claim that she is an unfit mother. He works and she doesn't. That's all the court cares about.
Where I'm from, the courts also look at the stability of the home, and a stay-at-home mom is considered more stable than a truck driver -- in my case, a stay-at-home mom with a bipolar disorder was considered to be more stable than an electrical engineer making a near-six-figure salary.

:shrug: Go figure.


I hear you. It's a crapshoot!
You can't count on the court to be logical, and that's another reason I caution people to beware.

Regardless, even if she gets 100% legal custody, it doesn't mean she'll get enough money to support her child. Her lawyer fees in the next 20 years would certainly outweigh 25% of a truck-driver's salary.



blazingstar
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15 Mar 2019, 6:42 pm

The above dialog is why she needs to talk to an attorney. Different states, different situations, etc., etc. She needs to get her own advice. There are legal services in most states that will provide free or low cost services. There are pros and cons to each route. A difficult situation to manage. Been there, done that. Good luck cath.


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caThar4G
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19 Mar 2019, 11:27 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Yeah, what Fnord said. And you seem to want him to treat you well and communicate responsively... stop thinking like that. You proposed an adversarial position - he needs to start giving you more money - how the hell is he supposed to feel about it? Happy? More money for a baby he has never seen?

Leave it to lawyers and the courts, and stop wanting this person to satisfy your emotional needs. Find another way to satisfy your needs. You can't have both.


Thanks.



caThar4G
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19 Mar 2019, 11:29 pm

Fnord wrote:
You are divorced because you wanted to look out for yourself and your offspring.

So why are you concerned about your ex?

Hire a lawyer. Tell that lawyer to squeeze your ex for every dollar he legally owes you.

This is war!


We were never married.



caThar4G
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20 Mar 2019, 12:08 am

I can do Families First. It's free. They pay money to me other than the support. It's in TN.
Plus, I've been told by many professionals that TN is on the mother's side.

He's already had a family.
He has 2 kids.
He said he was getting separated not because of me.
I was bad.
It was complicated.
I was saved from one bad situation because of him, but we made a similar one.

I admit I was bad. I did wrong. I was in love but not in the right direction.
I still don't know why I fell for that situation.

I've told all the professionals what truly happened. They told me it's in my favor.
I don't know if all of what he said is true.

We both failed. But, I don't want to be stuck in that or be manipulated any longer.

Unless I explained my whole life situation, it probably wouldn't make sense to some people.

So, I just want to fix my life or better yet get help to get fixed also.
And, give my son a chance to be loved.

I don't know if I explained that or not. It's the hurtful truth.

It was a mess.
I'm ashamed.
And, needing to change this pattern of bad things, bad relationships, and manipulation. I'm a lot of times stuck and confused from my uncle's grooming in my past to be sexual and manipulated. I'm really needing to stick with therapy and not give up now.



blazingstar
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20 Mar 2019, 2:59 pm

Cath, I hope you can move forward, with help from the father or without. I've made many mistakes in my life too. I also couldn't explain anyone one of them in 25 words or even 25 pages. I hope you don't spend too much time regretting what is past. You have a lot of future ahead of you. I am a pattern learner, so it took me many examples and many years to figure it out. If you can do it in one, you will have done well.


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caThar4G
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07 Apr 2019, 10:04 pm

blazingstar wrote:
Cath, I hope you can move forward, with help from the father or without. I've made many mistakes in my life too. I also couldn't explain anyone one of them in 25 words or even 25 pages. I hope you don't spend too much time regretting what is past. You have a lot of future ahead of you. I am a pattern learner, so it took me many examples and many years to figure it out. If you can do it in one, you will have done well.


Thanks for that.
I've been expecting the worst from people on here or elsewhere, thinking someone's going to call me a hideous creature.
But, that's the point.
I'm learning to think positive so I can move forward.
I still don't want to be manipulated or caught in a similar situation.