[ POLL ] What Is Your Meaning Of "Support"?

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What Is Your Meaning Of "Support"?
Acknowledging that my problems are valid. 35%  35%  [ 41 ]
Calling me a stupid, worthless loser who would be better off dead. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Denying that my problems are real or valid, even to me. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Distracting me with jokes or funny images and videos. 6%  6%  [ 7 ]
Filling me in on all of the relevant facts of my problems. 15%  15%  [ 18 ]
Making the conversation all about you and your problems. 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Telling me everything I’ve just told you, but in a paraphrased form. 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
Telling me that everything is going to be alright. 3%  3%  [ 3 ]
Telling me that I am a wonderful human being. 6%  6%  [ 7 ]
Telling me that I'm a whining cry-baby who needs to "Man Up". 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Telling me to seek professional help. 5%  5%  [ 6 ]
Telling to me your own similar personal experiences. 21%  21%  [ 25 ]
Other: ________________ (Please Explain.) 7%  7%  [ 8 ]
Total votes : 118

Fnord
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15 Mar 2019, 4:43 pm

DanielW wrote:
… what are you looking for here? I'm curious as you seem to have ruled everything out that I come here for.
Good question … at this specific point in time, I really don't know … that's where re-assessment becomes useful … do I have any needs that would keep me logging on to WP, or can I finally live without logging in?

:shrug: Gotta think about that one for a while...



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15 Mar 2019, 4:47 pm

If someone needs nothing from WrongPlanet, and if they have nothing to contribute to WrongPlanet, then why bother logging in?

… a quasi-existential question, perhaps ...



blackicmenace
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15 Mar 2019, 4:54 pm

Fnord wrote:
If someone needs nothing from WrongPlanet, and if they have nothing to contribute to WrongPlanet, then why bother logging in?

… a quasi-existential question, perhaps ...

Or you can admit that it hurt's when you don't feel appreciated. You are human like the rest of us Fnord.


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15 Mar 2019, 6:30 pm

Fnord, I see you as one of the high functioning autistics. Very high functioning - successful.

What the high functioning often forget is that not everyone is as blessed. You have a strong intellect - not everyone has. You have resilience, picking yourself up from struggles, and prevailing. Not everyone can.

It is always wrong to tell someone who is clearly struggling that there are winners and losers in life. No, there are people who succeed at many of their goals, and there are people who are pursuing unrealistic goals, often due to pressure from other people.

The autistic person whose greatest accomplishment is to establish community supports, including financial, and then remain stable, is every bit as much a winner as the autistic person who picks and chooses whom to hire.


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15 Mar 2019, 7:00 pm

Fnord wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
… Solutions are valuable...
Not mine, apparently … but that's okay. Knowing that makes a world of difference in my outlook in what people post on this website -- they're not looking for advice, so why bother?


Oh, please. You are smarter than that. People are looking for input/advice/ideas. Just because they don't reply positively to yours doesn't mean your input wasn't valuable to them or to others. I don't reply each time I think someone said something important or valuable. I've read lots of your posts that were interesting and though provoking, but I may not have responded. It is a synergistic community and may not recognize individual contributions now or even ever.

Sure, there are people who have the same problems ongoing, but each of us is blessed or cursed with differing abilities and circumstances. Someday one of those people is going to say, "Scr*w it, I am quitting (whatever it was I am doing) and gonna try what Fnord (or Bea or someone) suggested. Because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired." Or some version thereof.

There are several posts here stating there is value in the variety of opinions from this group and part of that variety is Fnord. I would miss you if you left, but if you really feel there is nothing here for you, by all means go your own way. (said with lovingkindness :D )


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15 Mar 2019, 10:08 pm

As others have said, it would depend on the kind of support required. I would never bash a new member who came here seeking advice, information or reassurance, there's no call for that sort of thing. If it seemed relevant, I'd probably offer advice on the kinds of real-life supports I've found helpful, and offer ideas for where they might start looking for something similar.

This may just be me, but I've never found platitudes like, "It's all going to be okay" or "I'm thinking of you" to be very helpful, and honestly they just kind of annoy me. If you're not going to help me solve my problem, there's no need to say anything.


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Edna3362
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16 Mar 2019, 10:46 am

To me, at least not in the real world -- yes, emotional and mental stuff.
A good ear, a good judge perhaps, a person to trust. A space to vent and worry. And, the rest are references, explanations, options.
Not too soft, not too hard, and are realistic.
... Though in my case, availability is an issue. Therefore many options aren't readily available to me.

Finding terms with certain concepts, on the other hand, may likely help me in a long run. All I need is to the time, the places, some specific actions and the will to realize it AND recall them -- no additional resources required. Some of them are just so simple -- simple to put it down into fewer words, which isn't what I usually could do.


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Amity
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17 Mar 2019, 4:17 am

I said other
Support site, means access to an autistic orientated community, members have to take the rough with the smooth though, they're among peers with/have had similar challenges. Its like defining fairness, everyones definition is different.



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18 Mar 2019, 6:52 pm

I don't always like when people offer solutions. I appreciate the solutions and I take them into consideration but the part that I don't like is that a lot of people expect and demand that I take their solution right away. Even if their solution is the one I choose, I still need the time to process everything that I am going through and I find it very supportive when people allow me to have the time to work through my own thoughts and process everything. I might end up doing their solution and that is great but I might also end up finding one that works better for me. I really appreciate the freedom to explore my own thoughts, process what is happening and to come to my own conclusions which might be in agreement with the solutions offered.


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Fnord
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18 Mar 2019, 7:34 pm

skibum wrote:
I don't always like when people offer solutions. I appreciate the solutions and I take them into consideration but the part that I don't like is that a lot of people expect and demand that I take their solution right away. Even if their solution is the one I choose, I still need the time to process everything that I am going through ...
I can appreciate all of that.

I don't mind the "Thanks, but no thanks" kind of responses -- they're to be expected. Not everybody feels comfortable trying new things or accepting new ideas.

It's the hostility some people express while they are rejecting the solutions I offer, especially when they deny that those solutions have worked for someone else before and could ever work for anyone else ever or at all, and then they accuse me of lying, trolling, and generally making them feel worse than they already felt. Then others join in and accuse me of the same things, as well as being stupid, ignorant, and an all-around a**hole.

So the best support that I can give is to acknowledge their problem, tell them that everything will be alright, and then leave them the hell alone.



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18 Mar 2019, 8:11 pm

Fnord wrote:
skibum wrote:
I don't always like when people offer solutions. I appreciate the solutions and I take them into consideration but the part that I don't like is that a lot of people expect and demand that I take their solution right away. Even if their solution is the one I choose, I still need the time to process everything that I am going through ...
I can appreciate all of that.

I don't mind the "Thanks, but no thanks" kind of responses -- they're to be expected. Not everybody feels comfortable trying new things or accepting new ideas.

It's the hostility some people express while they are rejecting the solutions I offer, especially when they deny that those solutions have worked for someone else before and could ever work for anyone else ever or at all, and then they accuse me of lying, trolling, and generally making them feel worse than they already felt. Then others join in and accuse me of the same things, as well as being stupid, ignorant, and an all-around a**hole.

So the best support that I can give is to acknowledge their problem, tell them that everything will be alright, and then leave them the hell alone.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I guess it's like two sides of the same coin. Sometimes I feel like people are personally offended if I find a different solution and don't use theirs. I have always liked your posts and what you say, well sometimes you can be pretty sarcastic which I often find funny, but a lot of times what you say is very accurate even though some people might not understand it. But when people respond with aggression, especially if they do not understand what we are saying, it makes it really hard to say anything. I appreciate solutions very much and I like to offer them myself. I just don't like the arrogant attitude that some people have about them. So yeah, I totally get what you are saying.


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18 Mar 2019, 10:10 pm

I have seen some helper-bee's get very incensed when their offered help is not accepted. I'm not thinking of Fnord here but another forum regular. But also somebody in my own family. Especially when one's energy and strategy are invested, it can be bitter if one's masterwork of advice, or even opportunity, is unappreciated.

It's a special sub-type of narcissism.


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Amity
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19 Mar 2019, 6:08 am

Maybe knowing your own limitations or boundaries before replying to a thread would be the most helpful, it certainly is for me. Being selective when it comes to the types of threads to reply to is restrictive but its one way of taking control of what you can.

Thing is with advice, its but words with a general meaning. The hard part is action, you cant know what personal challenges or specific obstacles exist for each person.
Even the relatively self aware Autistic people can need more time than others to process the advice, figure out their mental block's, come up with work arounds.

I think one type of people you might be talking about are those who have challenges with self awareness.
There is no rhyme or reason to me when im emotionally worked up about a situation that my self awareness is a barrier to, its like what skibum is saying. Ive a long way to go before i get to the solution.



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19 Mar 2019, 7:57 am

Amity wrote:
Being selective when it comes to the types of threads to reply to is restrictive but its one way of taking control of what you can.

This is something that works for me. :)


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skibum
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19 Mar 2019, 12:25 pm

BeaArthur wrote:

It's a special sub-type of narcissism.

Very interesting. I had never thought of it that way but that makes a lot of sense. It's like they are super insecure and need you to acknowledge or validate them by doing their suggestions.


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