fluffysaurus wrote:
Does anyone have experience of adopting children who are on the spectrum?
My friend is a social worker who handled adoptions through foster care system.
There is a big different between adopting an infant, where the parents find out 4 years later is on the spectrum, and a seven year old with ASD, who the state terminated parental rights.
With the 7 year old you are dealing with trauma PLUS the ASD. Trauma can be years of neglect, sexual/physical abuse. It can be abuse that the siblings heaped on him/her. Trauma from just moving to 4 different foster homes, while the courts try to give your parents some help. Trauma from knowing your parents couldn't keep you safe, and them losing the privilege to raise you.
My state does not usually keep ASD kids with their siblings, especially if the abuse has been bad. Very few parents can handle an 8 year old with ASD+trauma+never having services plus siblings who are going through their own issues as well. The siblings have visitations with each other, but they aren't doing the daily living together. Once in a while my friend said an ASD kid plus one sib might be placed together, but it's always with a family that has a massive support system, and familiar with the trauma foster kids go through. The family has adopted through foster care previously.
My friend says the biggest under estimation with people wanting to adopt older kids, is being nice and having a nice home makes kids feel comfortable. Sort of "I'm doing all these good things, and this kid is still off the charts." You can't erase years of trauma and neglect over night. It's even harder if the kid had a failed placement previously. She had one child with 5 failed placements. The child has Aspergers. She finally found a placement when the child was 15, that worked both for the child and the adoptive parents.
Go into your adoption with eyes WIDE open, and be well aware of what children go through when parental rights are terminated. Some agencies soft pedal what is really wrong with the child. They may suggest it's level III autism, when it's closer to level II plus mental health issues.
It will be the hardest and most rewarding thing you'll do.
05 Apr 2019, 2:28 pm
