Adoption questions

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Does anyone have experience of adopting children who are on the spectrum?

I plan too eventually.
And adoption has been a special interest for a long time. But I only know about US adoptions.

You might start out being a foster parent first. Over time you might connect with a special Aspie child and want to make the bond permanent through adoption.

I think fostering is harder. I'm not good at letting go of things. I think I'd be alright if they were adults going on to

something better and coming back for visits, but sending them back to their own families who I may or may not

trust, I think that would be much harder.

It might be a little harder but gives you a chance to see if a relationship can develop. Some children will bond well with you but others not so much so. Fostering gives you time to see if a bond can develop.

It's certainly better for foster kids everywhere if they all get adopted.

I think the adoption process is over a period of time so that you get to know them and them you.

Not all are up for adoption, they may be there because a parent is in hospital, prison, or rehab, or just struggling.

Or the parent might be being investigated and these things can go on for years. I think fostering takes someone

with a lot more experience and confidence than I have.

For those who can be adopted I agree that adoption is usually the best option. It offers a more solid structure

particularly important if you've already been through the upheaval.

I was wondering if Aspies might struggle to get adopted because of not appearing to bond ect.

If my boyfriend and I get married someday, we are considering the idea of adopting an older child. I can't cope around small children or babies but a teenager might be an option. I had to have a hysterectomy so if we wanted children of any age, adoption is our only option. I was adopted myself.

I would contact your local foster care system and ask them, since it sounds like we don't have any personal experience. My guess is that a child with obvious differences in behavior would have a harder time getting adopted, but not all aspies are remote or un-affectionate. Some are sensory seekers and/or extroverts who crave affection. I am not one of them, but they do exist, haha. But probably any kid who stims in public or otherwise behaves "oddly" would have a harder time.

I would make sure you and your partner are 100% in agreement about what types of challenges/levels of support you are excited about taking on as family before you contact an agency and start hearing about specific kids. Situations where one partner is more excited than the other don't always work out well, especially when there are special needs are involved. Sorry if that is too nosey, but I've seen it get dysfunctional when one spouse is excited and the other is more just "along for the ride" and not that excited - when things hit a rough patch, the "along for the ride" parent isn't always so willing to stick with things.

What you are considering is a great idea, and I am NOT trying to talk you out of it, just offering some "pre-adoption counseling," if you will. It sounds like you have a very thoughtful and kind heart, so any kid would be lucky to have you in their life! And it would definitely be helpful for an aspie kid to have a parent who understands.

Im a kid who's on the spectrum that was adopted if you're curious about that end.

I don't really know why but I feel around the age of seven would be the best fit for me, possibly a sibling pair.

I'm asuming your adoptive parents are not on the spectrum. Do you think it would have helped if one of them was?

I am not at that stage of being ready to adopt yet. I would like to know what my chances of being allowed to adopt are in the future because it makes a difference as to which direction my life is going in.

I agree with your point about both having to be keen. I am single but still hoping to find someone. I think this issue would need to come up earlyish in the relationship.

When I've gone on websites for adopting they say contact your local authority but I feel this would start the ball rolling before I am ready and I would get a no based on my current circumstances. I suppose I want to know what I need to do to be considered.

Than you, yes, that would be very helpful . At what age were you adopted?

Are your adoptive parents on the spectrum?

If they weren't do you think it would have been better for you if one of them was?

Only answer the ones you are comfortable answering, sorry if any of them are too personal.

Young. Like 5 months young. Wayyyy too young to be very helpful on the topic of a kid adjusting after being adopted. Sry
(Ive been aware of it my whole life tho, me being Asian and my family caucasian. I dont agree with withholding adoption information from kids)

No they are not. Neither are any of my siblings or extended family members.

Yes and No. My parents are under the belief that Aspergers is something I "grew out of" and they have never accepted it. They flat out ignored the diagnosis and didnt even want to tell me. I found out by accident as a teenager. (I was diagnosed at age 9) No other family members-not even my brothers-currently know about it. They've never treated me any differently than any other kid. I didnt even know what I was doing was a "meltdown" or "shutdown" or that my "shyness" or "obsessions" were all things that came from being on the spectrum. None of them were allowed in my household. For many reasons, I appreciate that and think it was helpful. But sometimes I wish they had recognized and understood why I struggled in certain situations or behaved and reacted differently than my brothers. Although I learned to act "normal" and have maintained the belief that Im not on the spectrum with all my friends and acquaintances, it was not an easy process and it feels like Im burdened with some giant secret. They made being on the spectrum seem as though it was something to be extremely ashamed of, and I used to be terrified Id give myself away.
However, Im not totally sure it wouldve been easier if one of my parents were on the spectrum. For one, I can promise my upbringing wouldve been totally different. Plus, its three against one. My brothers-who are NT-might have struggled to be raised by someone who didnt understand them if the roles were reversed. Plus, say it was my mother. I was with my mother 24/7, we did practically everything together while my father was with my brothers. My mother is about the exact opposite of someone on the spectrum. I used to rely on her a lot in situations I struggled with. If she struggled with the same things, I have no idea how things in my life wouldve turned out. How I wouldve turned out.

I don't know if this helps but my single brother, who is quite probably on the spectrum, fostered and later adopted a boy who has dyslexia, ADHD, ODD and other challenges. I signed on as a co-parent, so to speak. He was about a year old when we started to foster and it took a few years to finalise the adoption. I can comment on single parenting with autism, and about adoption in general.