Selective Mutism

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As you have insight from the first-hand expirience - how can I help my 7yo daughter who seems to struggle with that?
If I have time, I can hug her and sometimes she is able to draw what she means but what to do when we are in a hurry and she just stands there without a sound or move when she has to e.g. put her shoes on?
I suppose her father's yelling makes it only worse but it's not about what not to do, it's about what to do.

yes, because it is an anxiety disorder it can develop at any time. Mine developed when I was 11, which is considerably later than most cases.

She may be focussing on the yelling, bad mood and bad words. This may cause her anxiety. Also the anxiety that your mood becomes even worth. Try to change your own mood and make a bit fun of the situation to reduce the stress level of her. She may be afraid of you becomming more and more angry of her and may be unable to focus on anything beside of this. Just a guess. But the best thing would be if you ask your daughter afterwards instead of the forum.

I ask her. She says she doesn't know.
From what she says, she misses some safe space and time when she is neither at school nor with her sister.
Hard to set up.

OK, 'misses some safe space'? I think she may be afraid of you or your husband becoming angry again and doesn't care anything else than. You need to care about that it is fun for her to come with you. I know that's not always easy. I have children too and was several times a bit to harsh to them without realizing it just because I was stressed.

She mentioned it in context of other children at school and her sister at home - who is very extroverted and active NT, always poking her and wanting to play games with ever-changing rules. But most likely we are also a factor here.

There have been periods of this in my life. There was one guy who I said something to during year eight at school (by which time we'd known each other for around two years) and he remarked how weird it was, because he'd hardly ever heard me say anything before. There was another instance where the teacher asked a question to the class and told anyone who knew the answer to put their hands up. I did and she choose me to answer, at which point various others in the class turned around towards me in a surprised and bemused manner, probably because many of them had never heard much out of me. And on at least one occasion I was chosen to read a passage from a book that we were studying, and as I was reading I could sense a collective confusion as, again, me speaking was a rarity to many in the class.

I am selectively mute, and especially was when I was in elementary school. It comes out of anxiety and I had trouble connecting to the other kids because of it, and didn't have many friends. Having this condition is often misunderstood by people who don't have this diagnosis. I barely spoke at all in elementary school and some people thought I couldn't talk. Or

I have trouble getting words out, wording things properly, or talking at all when in new unfamiliar situations, or when I'm in a social setting with people who make me uncomfortable. This is why I need to practice in advanced or have a backup plan. This happens when I'm asked uncomfortable questions too.

. I get in that mode when people ask me to sing, because I'm not comfortable singing in front of other people for fear of judgment.

Reading things like those always render me helpless just because I'm aware that you need a lot of protection and support in such situations but I can't help. I'm a little bit overly protective may be but I can't really change the way that I am.


That's why I wrote about it. You should try to train a fall back behaviour for the case you are running out of words. This also helps to reduce the anxiety of becoming this way and helps to get over it faster once you are that way. Our own anxieties are often our biggest enemies.