Am I doomed?

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I know being desperate is off-putting but I don't really get why. Desperate people tend to be more accepting & less critical of their partners which I consider a very good thing. I really like the idea of a desperate woman. In theory it seems like a desperate woman would of been much more likely to actually give me half a chance & would put forth more effort into making the relationship work. I was very willing to give most any woman a chance as long as she didn't have kids & wasn't much older than me(I had no problem with much younger thou).
For some reason I don't get close with friends except online & I like it that way. The only people I really wanted to get close to were my girlfriends. Maybe part of the problem is that people tend not to care about being & staying good friends. They may care when they spend time with each other most days but 1ce they don't see each other as much for whatever reason, they both move on & lose touch. That's some of why it's hard to have friends outside of work & skewl. I had some close friends online but we lost touch. Some of it is very likely that they started spending less time online cuz so-called "real life" got in the way & since we were communicating less often they just moved on to other people that they see in person or online more.
I think part of the reason Cass was interested in me was actually cuz I was desperate. I was more accepting of women with disabilities & so-called issues & problems which she has but I have more than my fair share of that too which was why I struggled so much to get relationships.
I guess your rite that making friends from work could potentially be dangerous. I couldn't make many friends outside of skewl & work except online cuz my main interests were things like listening to music(NOT going to concerts thou), web forums, watching TV, & playing video-games. There really isn't very many things to do with others offline where I'm from except sports, clubs/bars, & hunting & fishing. It also didn't help that I cant drive & lived in a rural area & my parents gripped about needing to bring me places.

Is it okay if I respond to these articles later, in a separate thread?

I am very worried that there's a lot technical self-help advice being given to the OP and others on this thread on how to improve their chances of lucking out with a girl.

At the end of the day attraction is a very organic process. It starts by putting yourself in a position where you have the opportunity to spend time with a girl/girls.

The more time you spend with different girls the higher the probability you will meet somebody who connects with you and you with them.

Definitely do not obsess over one girl, keep moving on and meet new ones whenever the opportunity arises.

That's incorrect. If you don't put down a sufficient amount of time on a potential partner then you cannot connect. It doesn't help to put down insufficient time on multiple potential partners. The purpose of obsessing is to facilitate connecting.

Obsession often leads to trouble.

Having focus, yet having perspective, is much better.

Obsessing over a girl who is not interested in you can be very painful once you realise that she doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about her.

I don't think you should consider focusing all of your energy on one person until it's clear that they're interested in you and things could be going somewhere. Prior to then, testing the waters with multiple different women, if you have the opportunity, is a good way to improve your odds of finding someone you're compatible with and not getting too invested into someone who isn't interested in or compatible with you.

Just because you're communicating with multiple women doesn't mean you're not putting in sufficient time for each to figure out whether any of them are interested in or compatible with you.

I didn't have time to do all the stuff I do today at age 30 back when I was 20. Back then, I was studying for 60 hrs every week as well as spending 15 hrs. on commuting.

I talked about connection, not if you have the same interests or are compatible.

Of course, you shouldn't obsess about a girl that is not interested in you. You shouldn't connect to girls that are not interested either, or that you cannot get along with.

The problem I talked about is that if you just use shallow dating and meet somebody a few times, that's not sufficient for making a connection. It won't help if you do it hundreds or 1000s of times either, as you still won't form a real connection. So dating actually doesn't work for creating connections since there is too little time together when you do dating. It only works for NTs because they start having sex after a few dates, which is what creates their connection. That way of making a connection doesn't work for many NDs.

I told my mom that I would most likely be alone for the rest of my life and that I'll probably die alone and that some people are just meant to be alone. She tried to be encouraging despite the fact when she talks to people in her age range constantly says how she's "lucky that she's not a young person in this day and age" which to me justifies my likelihood of being alone since it's mostly a negative statement when she says that. I've already accepted it though, I'm not meant to have people in my life or else every single human encounter I had up to this point wouldn't end so negatively.

Refer to Grand Inquisitor's post...

Probability increases that you will meet the "one" if you talk to more girls...

So first, the context in which you were referring to "connecting" with someone wasn't clear. That could just mean that you're getting to know them, in which case it's not clear that they're interested in you romantically, hence my comment.

As it relates to "dating doesn't work", sure, sometimes it doesn't, but if you're to discover whether or not a love interest is compatible with you, you must spend some time together. If not dating, what would you suggest?

And moreover, in the age of the internet, people can go on dates in real life but that doesn't mean they can't strengthen their connection online

This makes me cry though I have learned to appreciate being single but it sometimes hurts

When I was in my teens and 20's, I felt the same way when it came to dating. Though I was introduced to a few blind dates and have co-workers try to set me up with someone years ago, I was upset that the right guy never came and asked me out that I liked. All the while, I had a couple of ex-frenemies who were not very pretty inside and out have an easier time than I did. Did I ever envy them too. Especially, when one of them met her husband, while I was rejected by another man on the spectrum who I liked.

At 21, I had a rough time during a visit up to my parent's house after I moved out of state to another city with my aunt. My parents were pickier and seemed to put their foot down with me dating these two boys that I liked. So, they expressed their concerns with my teachers. Meanwhile, they didn't approve of my sister's boyfriends but let her date them. Anyway, while she dated her second boyfriend, I envied her. This one time that I visited, she brought him over and pulled the sibling rivalry thing by snuggling all over him and rubbing it in my face. As a result, I blew up at her and my mom by calling then names and trying to physically attack my mom.

I would equally apply the same advice I've been giving the guys here. The worst thing to do is to compare yourself with other people. Just focus on yourself.

You also should learn to communicate with your mom about why you are frustrated, at the age of 37 she should not be interfering in your personal decisions but are there reasons she and your sister object to your choices?

I associated with these ex-frenemies at different times in my life. The first was mainly in childhood and off on in my teens. The other was when I was in my mid to late '20s.

As for my mom, I have not seen her in over 15 years and have not been on speaking terms with her for 10 years. It was both parents who were more protective of me in my teens so they were picky. When I had that fit, I was already 21 and had moved in with my aunt in another state, while my first sister was 15. My mom taught her it that it was okay to compete with me and provoke me to envy. Now several days before I blew up at her and my sister, I did confront her about not getting the same opportunities and she didn't get it.

I can relate as I used to never be confident in my own choices and had a bad habit of conferring with close family. I blossomed as a young adult when I was in my 30s I became more independent and stopped comparing myself with other dudes and stopped conferring with family on every little step I took.

There is too much focus on if somebody is interested romantically or not. At least for many NDs, romantic interest is not set in stone and can change. For instance, quite a few NDs claim that they can get interested romantically in somebody that shows a lot of persistence. So, I think it is generally a bad idea to ask about romantic interest (just as it is a bad idea to ask for a date) because many NDs don't have fixed answers to that and needs to know a lot about you before they can make a decision about it. By asking "too fast" you will simply blow your chances because many think better safe than sorry, and so you will get a "no".

In fact, the optimal way to find out about potential interest is not to ask about it or ask for a date, but to use the eye contact game. It's also an excellent way to filter out incompatible people as NTs will not do it in a way that feels natural for an ND.



It's enough to be close to each other regularly.



IMHO, the Internet can certainly be nice as a complement for people that already know each other IRL, but it's not that useful for creating new romantic connections.