People being physically too close to you?

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firemonkey
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14 Apr 2019, 7:27 am

Usually this isn't a problem as I don't have much interaction with a lot of other people. However I remember doing a group via mental health services at my then local library. We sat round a long table. It was bearable when the numbers were few,but then the numbers swelled . I felt distinctly uncomfortable with people being close to me across the table and besides me. I stuck with it a couple of times , but just sat there like a human clam, anxiety and stress levels up several notches . After that I stopped going. It was too much to cope with.


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MagicMeerkat
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16 Apr 2019, 10:57 am

I can feel the energy people give off. I guess it's what New Agers would refer to as an "aura". People's auras were physically painful tome as a kid and that's why I would shove people away if they got too close to me. If felt like I was suffocating. Animals give it off too. And for a good fifteen minutes after petting some retired grayhounds at Petsmart I was convinced greyhounds must not truly be dogs because their auras were so different than that of most dogs. Most species give off a similar aura. I could always tell an animal's mood from it's "aura". That's how I could go around them and not get bit. I "knew" which ones not to bother. All people gave off a painful aura regardless of what kind of mood they are in. When my teacher was in her trade mark bad mood, I could tell. But I had no idea what not to do to make her not lash out at me. It was more painful when people were in bad moods.


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Edna3362
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16 Apr 2019, 12:23 pm

I can also feel people's presences too.
But I don't have the usual issues, except covering up or stopping certain actions in their presence -- said actions are media related than weirder stuff like, say, stimming or even self talk. Even the closest people to me, even my mom, the one person who can truly allowed to touch me.
It's my own way of focusing attention to them, in order to 'cater' them.

I don't mind crowds, they're easy to turn into some chaotic static status like background noise minus careless treatment done.
Individuals, on the other hand, they 'weigh' more -- not only their physical presence, but also their psychic presence. Animals count, too. It seems it doesn't limit itself to human presence.
Doesn't matter who they are, what they are doing, what they intend to do, and what they feel or think -- yet those things what makes their presences 'heavier' than objects.

And no, it's not some mystic stuff. But those are the closest words for it -- I don't 'see' auras, but more like I don't have the words for it except I likely sense things spatially.
And, individual presences is more than a mere moving spatial presence that do things unpredictably. Otherwise, it's registered as and I would've treated them no different from objects that I happened not allowed to shove off out of my space.


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Joe90
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16 Apr 2019, 12:31 pm

I dislike strangers standing too close to me, like in supermarkets or in queues, especially when there's enough space to stand away just a few centimetres so that it's comfortable.

I love sitting or standing close to relatives or other people I know well, although if I don't know someone well I try to sit or stand at a comfortable distance because they might feel uncomfortable otherwise.


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kayell
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16 Apr 2019, 5:32 pm

I have a very large personal space bubble. Crowding that pushes inside it makes me very tense. If it gets too much and I can't get out, I'll basically freeze and shut down. In cases like the chair around the table, I'd push the chair back enough to get my proper sized bubble, but that sometimes gets odd reactions. Sometimes I just say, sorry, I have a big space bubble. Some people get it. Some don't. If I want to be there badly enough, I'll hang onto that bubble and not leave.

Places like supermarkets are hard. I'll edge away from people, and they'll move forward if they have a small space bubble. It's often a cultural thing. A few times I've actually asked people to move back, that I need my bubble. It gets me weird looks, but a lot of times they move back away from the crazy lady. Mission accomplished.


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EzraS
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17 Apr 2019, 3:53 am

Don't like it. And dislike someone (random strangers) walking behind me.

I do sometimes like sitting close to immediate family members being cuddled some, when I am not feeling well. When we were younger I would sometimes sleep in the same bed with my same age and gender cousin for comfort.

Other than that I don't like anyone in my personal space. Makes me feel tense and uncomfortable.



wrongcitizen
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17 Apr 2019, 4:11 am

Friends and family are a stretch for me but I do it for them as much as I can handle.

Everyone else always figures out this boundary and pushes it as much as they can. They keep continuing to get closer and closer despite how many times I tell them to step back and when I leave they criticize me.

I'm generally not compatible with people but working at a job always leads to coworkers/customers touching and making physical contact nonstop as what I can only assume is some kind of intimidation.



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17 Apr 2019, 8:58 am

MagicMeerkat wrote:
I can feel the energy people give off. I guess it's what New Agers would refer to as an "aura". People's auras were physically painful tome as a kid and that's why I would shove people away if they got too close to me. If felt like I was suffocating. Animals give it off too. And for a good fifteen minutes after petting some retired grayhounds at Petsmart I was convinced greyhounds must not truly be dogs because their auras were so different than that of most dogs. Most species give off a similar aura. I could always tell an animal's mood from it's "aura". That's how I could go around them and not get bit. I "knew" which ones not to bother. All people gave off a painful aura regardless of what kind of mood they are in. When my teacher was in her trade mark bad mood, I could tell. But I had no idea what not to do to make her not lash out at me. It was more painful when people were in bad moods.


FWIW I foster and adopt retired racing greyhounds and you are right about their nature. They are not and do not behave like other dogs. They are a thing unto themselves, both by virtue of genetics and by how they were raised and socialized. Often they have difficulty recognizing other breeds as fellow dogs because they have only ever seen other greyhounds. They are wonderful creatures though. You are very perceptive.

I don't like other humans getting too close either. Part of it's self-consciousness, part of it is sensory, part is that it's an exchange of energy and part is that physical closeness or touch are (to me) acts of intimacy. I dislike being touched unless it's someone I trust and have given consent. Even my husband checks first before he hugs me because I will panic if simply grabbed out of the blue. People who are big huggers tend to think I'm snotty, but a hug is a huge gesture of trust and an exchange of energy that I do not and cannot casually perform.


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BenderRodriguez
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17 Apr 2019, 2:07 pm

I don't like it either, except with close family and a couple of friends. And I hate being touched by strangers. Touchy-feely people and those who speak very loudly and incessantly are the best way to get me to shut down.


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Obscurelex
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28 Apr 2019, 12:25 pm

Unless it's a family member or a friend, I do not like anyone close to me. If I'm sitting on a public bench and someone sits down on the other side of it, I feel absolutely uncomfortable. Even if there is plentiful space between me and this stranger, I still feel uneasy. I work retail and when I am ringing out a customer and they decide to lean over the counter, I have to take a step or two back. The thought of being so close to a stranger gives me nausea. I just have an all around hatred of being out in public.



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28 Apr 2019, 12:53 pm

firemonkey wrote:
...just sat there like a human clam, anxiety and stress levels up several notches

"Human clam" - yes that's exactly me in these kind of situations. I try to make myself smaller and smaller in the vain hope of getting just an inch more breathing space. When I use public transport, which is rare in large part because of this, I sometimes end my journey with cramp, pin-and-needles, a dead limb, etc. from my attempts to shrink away from someone who, perfectly reasonably, had to occupy the seat beside me. Getting "trapped" in a window seat makes me squirm. And when I'm in that tensed up state, speaking or being spoken to can easily push me over the edge into shutting down. I just want to become invisible and slink off.

Hugs can be good with the right person and when I've explicitly invited them into my personal space - but then and only then!

As my username suggests, I used to be a pot-holer/caver/spelunker, and I was forever being asked if it made me claustrophobic. Most of the time, the honest answer would have been; "Not as much as you are."


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Twilightprincess
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28 Apr 2019, 1:24 pm

I really hate it when strangers get too close to me. My heart starts to race. It really sucks when it happens when I’m waiting in a long line because then I can’t really get away.

Since I’ve had my service dog, I can turn my attention towards her which helps a lot. I’m going to start working on having her get between me and people more, but then people who lack appropriate boundaries want to pet her. Grrr...



NoMercy
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28 Apr 2019, 2:08 pm

Yep.

Very much relate to the origianl post.

What I read is this sort of thing relates to our parasympathetic nervous systems not working properly? Possibly due a poor connection bewteen the vagus nerve and the brain stem - polyvagul theory or whatever it's called. So you trip into that 'flight or fight' response in normal situations or pretty close.

So how about if you are in a super lovely quiet space like sitting snug round a table in close proximity to a bunch of strangers in a library? Deafening silence. Super relaxing right. :D

Wrong :x



IstominFan
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28 Apr 2019, 3:35 pm

I feel fine when I'm around people I know, but uncomfortable in a roomful of strangers.



shortfatbalduglyman
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28 Apr 2019, 9:21 pm

On the way from the bus stop to the job interview, Warriors Parade

Crowded

Usually I try to avoid crowds

But that is not functional

Crowds are also loud