Fell in love with girl with Lujan-Fryns Syndrome

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Prometheus18
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19 Apr 2019, 4:12 pm

The worst I've done is ask a woman for her shoe size: "You think my feet are big?" - "No, just right."

Anyway, I'll refrain from derailing the thread further. I guess the best I can do is advise the OP to use suitable tact.



Dog1
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20 Apr 2019, 3:51 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
AbP. :wink:


IsabellaLinton wrote:
Autism by Proxy. :heart:


I am sorry if my intents and words are misunderstood.






IsabellaLinton wrote:
"Do you mind if I quickly measure the distance between your eyes?" :roll:


I apologize if I offended you in any way.

Keep in mind, I had no intention of asking her any of this.

I was seeking the experience of experts to shed light on what her condition might be, so I could understand her situation.



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20 Apr 2019, 3:52 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
I do not generally do not approve of diagnosing celebrities or historical figures. Suspecting ok, but making a blanket statement so and so is autistic no. Same principle goes with "un diagnosing"(saying they are not autistic) other WP members or diagnosing self diagnosers with a factitious disorder individually or as a group.


Exactly.

I think I accidentally insulted one of the members here and some others have leap-frogged off of his post.

But yes, as you say, no one here is a medical-professional so they can't say whether I or the girl I care about are Autistic or not.

And I'm definitely not a medical-professional and never claimed to be one.


ASPartOfMe wrote:
As far as telling other people you know or think they are autistic, based on reading about people who have done that here there is no way to know how they will react.


I've read people's experiences in different threads that some people don't react well to being told they might be Autistic.



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20 Apr 2019, 3:53 pm

Fnord wrote:
-- and who further claim that their diagnoses are just as good as real ones?


Kindly point to the part of my posts where I claimed that. :-|

I think I really hit a raw nerve with you, and that wasn't really my intent.

I love Aspies, largely because of this girl and coming to WrongPlanet to learn about myself and the secret world of Aspies.

I'm sorry if you feel I insulted you - I did not mean to.



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20 Apr 2019, 8:38 pm

Dog1 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
-- and who further claim that their diagnoses are just as good as real ones?
Kindly point to the part of my posts where I claimed that.
Kindly point to the parts of my posts that were directed at you. Not everything in this world is solely about you, and much of it does not involve you at all.
Dog1 wrote:
I think I really hit a raw nerve with you, and that wasn't really my intent.
You seem to have made diagnoses of another person's alleged medical conditions without consent of the person and without any medical training of your own.
Dog1 wrote:
I love Aspies, largely because of this girl...
The same one to whom you rendered an unprofessional diagnosis?
Dog1 wrote:
I'm sorry if ...
A conditional apology may indicate a lack of sincerity.


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EzraS
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20 Apr 2019, 8:51 pm

The judgmental hostility and sarcasm directed at someone who is simply curious and behaving politely, says more against those dishing it out than it does against the OP.

There are other places I venture in cyberspace where I have found that WP has a bad reputation because of this sort of thing.

@Dog1 it could be a combination of things. I have a combination of disorders. My guess is that if you get into a serious enough relationship to the point where you get to know her family, you'll find out a lot more about it if there's anything for them to tell.



naturalplastic
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21 Apr 2019, 5:49 am

Yes. The OP is not a bad person.

Don't know why a certain few folks are beating up on him.

To Dog!: Welcome to Wrong Planet.

But having said that....

When I made my post on page one of the thread I had assumed that you knew for a fact that she had the condition, and didn't realize that you were just speculating.

So you might want to heed a certain piece of advice that they give to med students: "when you hear hoof beats-think 'horses'- don't think 'zebras'".

The young lady has physical and behavorial traits that folks with no condition at all have (the most common thing), and traits that aspies/autistics have ( at one in 60 its a rare condition), but are also consistent with this LFS thing you're talking about. But that's even MORE rare than autism. Far more rare. You skipped past common, skipped past somewhat rare, and latched right onto extremely rare (and unlikely) to make your diagnosis. That's beyond zebra, and is into unicorn country. Lol! Based upon your data I would say that she is more likely to be just a zebra, or even just a normal horse, than to be a unicorn. :)



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21 Apr 2019, 8:08 am

First off, I doubt you've offended anybody. Maybe rubbed a couple of people the wrong way, but that'd be about it.

The problem is you're reading some articles or pages online and then feeling as though you're qualified to diagnose yourself and others, and you're just not. I think the thing that most rubs people the wrong way is the way you say with certainty that you have autism and that she has autism and LFS when you haven't had any of that verified by a professional and it's all just your opinion based on things you've read on the internet. Had you come here and instead said "I believe I have autism" or "I suspect the girl I like has LFD", and stated it as an opinion rather than a fact (which it is, until diagnosed by a professional), you likely would have received less hostility.

[Quote=Dog1]I just really don't want to give up on her.[/quote]Why do you perceive that not diagnosing her with anything is giving up on her? Unless she specifically asks you to help her figure out if she has a condition, or talks about probably having a condition but not knowing what it is, you should leave her be. If she wants to figure out whether she has autism or whatever else, she'll figure it out, or she'll bring it up. Trying to diagnose her is not up to you, and she hasn't even hinted that she wants you to try, so just leave it and enjoy chatting to her. If you think you have autism, why not get yourself diagnosed so you can say so with certainty?



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21 Apr 2019, 10:57 am

I believe the OP delved into topics that he was unaware are controversial on WP an the autistic community at large.

Some context is needed. Self diagnosis or diagnosing others has always been a controversial topic in the Autistic community. There is a feeling that Autism is a trendy condition, that there are a lot of Autism wannabes who self diagnose to seem cool or excuse bad behaviors. This is believed to hurt “real autistics” by making others think they are drama queens and excuse makers. It is a rare autistic who has not been accused of these things for their Autistic behaviors, has not been told Autism is a fake disease, a politically correct label for being a lazy as*hole. Diagnosing celebrities and historical figures is viewed by some as deluding oneself into thinking one is an unrecognized Einstein or Gates. It is thought to hurt “real autistics” because it stereotypes Autistics as socially awkward geniuses masking the real world struggles of autistics. Thus anybody diagnosing themselves is sometimes unfairly viewed with suspicion.

Self diagnosis and diagnosing the famous has its proponents.


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21 Apr 2019, 4:25 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
I believe the OP delved into topics that he was unaware are controversial on WP an the autistic community at large.

Some context is needed. Self diagnosis or diagnosing others has always been a controversial topic in the Autistic community. There is a feeling that Autism is a trendy condition, that there are a lot of Autism wannabes who self diagnose to seem cool or excuse bad behaviors. This is believed to hurt “real autistics” by making others think they are drama queens and excuse makers. It is a rare autistic who has not been accused of these things for their Autistic behaviors, has not been told Autism is a fake disease, a politically correct label for being a lazy as*hole. Diagnosing celebrities and historical figures is viewed by some as deluding oneself into thinking one is an unrecognized Einstein or Gates. It is thought to hurt “real autistics” because it stereotypes Autistics as socially awkward geniuses masking the real world struggles of autistics. Thus anybody diagnosing themselves is sometimes unfairly viewed with suspicion.

Self diagnosis and diagnosing the famous has its proponents.


Well spoken.

OP, it's a mark of considerable intellectual maturity to acknowledge there are things one cannot reliably ascertain about oneself, due to the universal human tendency to judge reality through various filters. I would say that yes, it does rub us the wrong way when someone without advanced training in autism (and medicine) feels competent to diagnose this and that, in self or others. Grow a little humility about your limitations of intellect - and I will concede that you have a pretty good intellect, but maybe not as grand as you'd like to think.

I hope things go well with this lady friend. Let us know!


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18 May 2019, 3:30 pm

Fnord wrote:
-- and who further claim that their diagnoses are just as good as real ones?

Dog1 wrote:
Kindly point to the part of my posts where I claimed that. :|

Fnord wrote:
Kindly point to the parts of my posts that were directed at you. Not everything in this world is solely about you, and much of it does not involve you at all.

I'll highlight it, since you missed it the first time I posted the response. :|



Fnord wrote:
You seem to have made diagnoses of another person's alleged medical conditions without consent of the person and without any medical training of your own.

I wasn't aware of the customs of this place - I am a newcomer to the world of Autism, and so I apologize if I have offended you, as it was not my intent.


Fnord wrote:
The same one to whom you rendered an unprofessional diagnosis?

I wasn't aware that was an offense here, but I do love her, and because of her, all Aspies, too.

I love you as well.


Fnord wrote:
A conditional apology may indicate a lack of sincerity.

I feel the way you do - I can be nitpicky as well, and I understand the can be an Autistic trait.

I came here because I love this girl - it is not my intention to insult you and I don't want you to feel that way.



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18 May 2019, 3:31 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
I believe the OP delved into topics that he was unaware are controversial on WP an the autistic community at large.

Some context is needed. Self diagnosis or diagnosing others has always been a controversial topic in the Autistic community. There is a feeling that Autism is a trendy condition, that there are a lot of Autism wannabes who self diagnose to seem cool or excuse bad behaviors. This is believed to hurt “real autistics” by making others think they are drama queens and excuse makers. It is a rare autistic who has not been accused of these things for their Autistic behaviors, has not been told Autism is a fake disease, a politically correct label for being a lazy as*hole. Diagnosing celebrities and historical figures is viewed by some as deluding oneself into thinking one is an unrecognized Einstein or Gates. It is thought to hurt “real autistics” because it stereotypes Autistics as socially awkward geniuses masking the real world struggles of autistics. Thus anybody diagnosing themselves is sometimes unfairly viewed with suspicion.

Self diagnosis and diagnosing the famous has its proponents.


Well spoken.

OP, it's a mark of considerable intellectual maturity to acknowledge there are things one cannot reliably ascertain about oneself, due to the universal human tendency to judge reality through various filters. I would say that yes, it does rub us the wrong way when someone without advanced training in autism (and medicine) feels competent to diagnose this and that, in self or others. Grow a little humility about your limitations of intellect - and I will concede that you have a pretty good intellect, but maybe not as grand as you'd like to think.

I hope things go well with this lady friend. Let us know!


Bea Arthur from The Golden Girls?

I thought you passed away years ago...



Dog1
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18 May 2019, 3:33 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
I believe the OP delved into topics that he was unaware are controversial on WP an the autistic community at large.

Some context is needed. Self diagnosis or diagnosing others has always been a controversial topic in the Autistic community. There is a feeling that Autism is a trendy condition, that there are a lot of Autism wannabes who self diagnose to seem cool or excuse bad behaviors. This is believed to hurt “real autistics” by making others think they are drama queens and excuse makers. It is a rare autistic who has not been accused of these things for their Autistic behaviors, has not been told Autism is a fake disease, a politically correct label for being a lazy as*hole. Diagnosing celebrities and historical figures is viewed by some as deluding oneself into thinking one is an unrecognized Einstein or Gates. It is thought to hurt “real autistics” because it stereotypes Autistics as socially awkward geniuses masking the real world struggles of autistics. Thus anybody diagnosing themselves is sometimes unfairly viewed with suspicion.

Self diagnosis and diagnosing the famous has its proponents.


Great point. :D

I would say then, that I suspect that myself and the girl I know may be Autistic.

If matching up the known characteristics of Autism (as discussed on WP for example) with the characteristics one has in their life is any indicator, then it's a strong possibility.



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18 May 2019, 3:42 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
First off, I doubt you've offended anybody. Maybe rubbed a couple of people the wrong way, but that'd be about it.

The problem is you're reading some articles or pages online and then feeling as though you're qualified to diagnose yourself and others, and you're just not. I think the thing that most rubs people the wrong way is the way you say with certainty that you have autism and that she has autism and LFS when you haven't had any of that verified by a professional and it's all just your opinion based on things you've read on the internet. Had you come here and instead said "I believe I have autism" or "I suspect the girl I like has LFD", and stated it as an opinion rather than a fact (which it is, until diagnosed by a professional), you likely would have received less hostility. Why do you perceive that not diagnosing her with anything is giving up on her? Unless she specifically asks you to help her figure out if she has a condition, or talks about probably having a condition but not knowing what it is, you should leave her be. If she wants to figure out whether she has autism or whatever else, she'll figure it out, or she'll bring it up. Trying to diagnose her is not up to you, and she hasn't even hinted that she wants you to try, so just leave it and enjoy chatting to her. If you think you have autism, why not get yourself diagnosed so you can say so with certainty?


I am not a professional, but I agree that I should see one to get myself diagnosed to be certain.



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18 May 2019, 3:46 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
Yes. The OP is not a bad person.

Don't know why a certain few folks are beating up on him.

To Dog!: Welcome to Wrong Planet.

But having said that....

When I made my post on page one of the thread I had assumed that you knew for a fact that she had the condition, and didn't realize that you were just speculating.

So you might want to heed a certain piece of advice that they give to med students: "when you hear hoof beats-think 'horses'- don't think 'zebras'".

The young lady has physical and behavorial traits that folks with no condition at all have (the most common thing), and traits that aspies/autistics have ( at one in 60 its a rare condition), but are also consistent with this LFS thing you're talking about. But that's even MORE rare than autism. Far more rare. You skipped past common, skipped past somewhat rare, and latched right onto extremely rare (and unlikely) to make your diagnosis. That's beyond zebra, and is into unicorn country. Lol! Based upon your data I would say that she is more likely to be just a zebra, or even just a normal horse, than to be a unicorn. :)



Yes, I'm not a bad person. I fought in several tours in Afghanistan as a Marine and almost died a few times.

Now I seek knowledge because I'm in love with a girl who I suspect may be Autistic - and now people are beating me with their keyboards.

Thank you, though.