Did this shrink purposely set me up to get a bad test result

Post Reply New Topic

Well they shouldn't have been treating it like a 'test' as that was obviously going to make you feel like you could do badly and get a bad 'grade'. She should have made it clear there weren't wrong answers and that it was more an evaluation of things you might struggle with than a test you have to do good on.

But I mean the results weren't necessarily wrong...most people with aspergers have 'immature emotional development' but seems it was presented to you in a way that made you feel bad about yourself which is where the shrink failed. I mean a lot of kids would be able to just follow the instructions without taking everything literally and being stubborn which would be seen as reflecting a higher maturity level. I was similar as a kid, I wanted more explanations from teachers and would point out if I thought they got a fact or a detail wrong some of them probably thought I was just trying to cause problems than that my brain maybe operated a little different than my peers.

It was probably a power trip for her. Not unlike how I used to enjoy disabling people's Active Directory accounts at my first IT job. But today, I see it as banal as spraying an air duster on a dirty keyboard. Remember: she was very young for a shrink. 25 was the oldest she could be, 21 is a good guess, and even 19 wouldn't be a stretch. So I was probably one of her first assignments, like: "here, run some tests on this nutjob!" So when she was presented with a skittish kid (me), it made her feel powerful to give him a bad diagnosis. Especially after she saw me acting more scared than a cornered mouse in a roomful of cats. And since she didn't yet know how to diagnose kids, she helped things along by deliberately intimidating me, knowing she could, to make the job easier for herself.

Another reason is more controversial. Given how young she was, and conventionally attractive to boot, she hadn't shaken off her high school mindset yet. Now, I was 12 or 13 at the time; 13 and 19 is not a big age difference. So the social dynamic between her and me was like that between a hot cheerleader and an ugly nerd. As opposed to a clinical "scientist/test subject" or "teacher/student" dynamic there should have been. She even introduced herself to me by her first name only, rather than her full legal name and job title. Now, hot cheerleaders and ugly nerds aren't demographics that get along well, if you catch my drift. So perhaps her seeing me and my scared body language triggered her memories of the nerds she despised in high school, causing her to adopt that attitude toward me. I knew something seemed fishy about her, but I had no words for it back then.

I do wonder how I'd have fared with a formal-minded male test administrator in his 30's. (My age today, ironically.) Probably a whole lot better. After all, to a 13-year-old, a 30-something man isn't much different from a grandfather, minus a lack of facial wrinkles. Could I request an older male tester back then, even as a kid?

What's sadly ironic is that she kept telling me "there are no right or wrong answers" until she was blue in the face. Only I knew she was lying to me the moment I saw her lips moving. Why? Because she kept preventing me from seeing the notes she wrote about me. But the biggest giveaway was her lack of visible reactions to my answers, especially when I said weird things, like a Rorschach inkblot looking like a boss from the Zelda video game; I wanted to be creative. So I figured she was hiding the right answers from me. Combined with her giving me the runaround on every test portion, it intimidated me to the point of not thinking straight and getting most answers wrong. So no wonder I got an "immature emotional development" diagnosis; I was being emotionally raped by her.

Today, I have much of the right answers memorized from extensive online research. I even have answer keys I hacked from BitTorrent. And the Rorschach test's copyright expired (which wasn't true when it was used on me), so its answer keys are available to the public. So testing me today is completely useless; I'll be as bland a beige wall.

What were her credentials? To practise as a therapist she either had a Master's degree or Ph.D., both of which would be largely unattainable at age 19 or 21. To be practising unsupervised she was probably 25 at a very bare minimum but regardless, she would have enough professional qualification and experience to conduct your assessment.

How would I know? I was 12 or 13. My parents never asked her. And I was too scared of her to even ask to use the restroom (I didn't need to go too badly), let alone ask her about her credentials. I somehow thought that asking to use the restroom would negatively affect the test results. Which turned out bad, anyway.

True, but she would have been qualified regardless. If you remember her name you can probably google and see her CV, to confirm which credentials she had in that year. I know that won't make you feel better about the experience, but at least you will rest assured she wasn't an inexperienced high school cheerleader. No offence to cheerleaders.

I don't know what credentials she had. I said 25 was the absolute oldest she could be; she looked 19 to 22. Maybe she was doing apprenticeship at the clinic to be a psych nurse, which requires less study than a Master's degree, and reported remotely to my primary therapist. After all, my primary referred me to her. It would explain why my primary therapist was so dismissive when I told her how traumatizing the testing was.

Man, I wish I were brave enough to get in the tester's face and ask: "How old are you? What's your area of study? Where did/do you go to college? What's your full legal name and job title?" But all I know is her first name; it's all she told me when she introduced herself. I don't remember the clinic she was with, either. So no luck there. I just hope she lost her license, due to someone more shrewd than me reporting her to the state.

I do wonder if her age was what made her so intimidating. It was the Uncanny Valley effect; she was close to me in age, yet acted nothing like I would act. I expected her to be direct and honest during the testing, and yet she wasn't. Instead, she acted erratic and unpredictable, which skewed the results. (Unlike my primary, who was in her 40's and undoubtedly an adult authority figure, so lies and deceit was something I expected.)

I thought about it all. I came to a conclusion: if that shrink wasn't an unqualified bimbo, a dangerous psychopath, or both, the test scenarios would have gone more like this. Then I'd get something more helpful than "immature emotional development". Like depression or anxiety. Heck, that might get me put on a prescription, even. But it'd be a pipe dream. I'd have been happy if that shrink simply didn't set me up to fail. Anyway...

EXAMPLE ONE
What happened: As I talked, she scribbled vigorously in her sketchpad.
Me: (curious) "What are you writing?"
Her: "I'm writing down your answers to the test?"
Me: "Nuh-uh. Your pen was moving longer than I spoke. Are you writing anything else?"
Her: "My notes on your answers."
Me: (tries to look at notes)
Her: "OK, fine, look. But I'd rather you didn't."
Me: "I don't know what you're hiding from me, but I don't like it." (looks anyway)

EXAMPLE TWO
What happened: She had me do the test where I had to tell a story about a set of pictures. The pictures looked really childish. The following dialog ensues.
Me: "What is this? This look like stuff from kindergarten?"
Her: (intrigued) "You might be right. This does look a little childish. Does it bother you?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm 12. This is kindergarten stuff."
Her: "Do you think you can tell a story about these pictures anyway?"
Me: "If this is an intelligence test, you're using the wrong age version."
Her: "It's not an intelligence test. That one will come later. For now, ignore the babyish look, and try telling a story anyway. You know how some museum paintings look like baby drawings, but they're not?"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "Great. Pretend they're those kind of paintings, and describe what you see happening in them."
Me: (resigned sigh) "OK."

EXAMPLE THREE
What happened: She had me do a test where I had to answer "What if?" questions. This seemed intelligent enough that I went along without resistance.
Her: (flat tone) "What would you do if saw your neighbor's house on fire?"
Me: "Call 911."
Her: (flat tone) "What else can you do?"
Me: "I don't know."
Her: (sincere) "Are you sure? Nothing else?"
Me: "It's a job for firefighters. I don't want to get hurt or unknowingly do something illegal."
Her: "Good answer."

EXAMPLE FOUR
What happened: She handed me a set of colored pencils and a letter-size sheet of paper, and told me to draw my family.
Her: (flat tone) <blah-blah-blah, draw your family>
Me: "But I'm not good at drawing people. It won't look right, and it'll mess up the test."
Her: (concerned) "Won't look right? Mess up the test? How so?"
Me: "Like, if I make body parts the wrong size, or use the wrong colors, or arrange people wrong, it'll show things that aren't true. And I'll draw badly because I don't know how to draw, not because I hate my family."
Her: (shocked) "You weren't supposed to know that! How did you figure it out?"
Me: (sheepish) "Because I'm smart, I guess. Besides, it's a drawing test where every detail means something."
Her: "Well, we can't do it now. You know the answers. Next test."

<sigh!> Maybe someday, long after my lifetime, we'll have smart therapists like this. But not today, unfortunately.