Met an interesting girl, don't want to screw it up

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Antrax
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20 Apr 2019, 2:30 am

I don't date much. I don't meet many people that legitimately capture my interest. For the first time in a long time I've met an interesting girl, and am really struggling with how I should proceed.

The situation: I have only had a few conversations at organized department social events, but they've been long enjoyable conversations. I generally only see her at organized department social events on the order of once per month. I have no idea what she thinks of me, other than she's been willing to participate in these conversations with me. I have electronic means of contacting her (facebook friends and a work email).

My options as I see them:

1) Ask her out the next time I see her in person. I worry this may be too strong an expression of interest, since I have no idea what she thinks of me.

2) Ask her out by electronic means, this is almost certainly a worse idea than above.

3) Next time I see her in person, engage her in conversations of interest. I worry this may be too weak an expression of interest, and be misleading as to my intentions.

4) Ask her for help on a technical topic she expressed knowledge in. Again I worry about being misleading.

5) Show up to her place of work, and do any of the above. This definitely seems too strong, and potentially creepy.

Feels ridiculous asking the internet for advice, but I'm thinking myself in circles unable to sleep. In the end she'll either be interested in me or not, but in the interim I'd like to avoid screwing up any chance I have with her.


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SameStars
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20 Apr 2019, 2:43 am

I think showing up randomly at her workplace could come off as potentially creepy. It's hard to say.

To ask someone out would be the quickest, and you could start with talking about some kind of interest you share, and try to work your way up to asking for a date. Organised events are there for small-talk anyway, so I don't think that would be really misleading; you obviously like talking to her and while it could be more awkward face to face, it might work in your favour.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2019, 3:09 am

Quote:
3) Next time I see her in person, engage her in conversations of interest. I worry this may be too weak an expression of interest, and be misleading as to my intentions


This, then you ask her for her facebook, then you chat her there.

In the 99% cases they accept, they like to add this +1 to their friends count, but usually it doesn't lead to anything afterward lol.

But there's really no other way in your case.



Teach51
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20 Apr 2019, 3:31 am

I would say that having already met several times and chatted, the next step would be to say with a smile " I really like you, would you like to go for a drink sometime?" (Or another activity.) This following a few minutes small talk of course leading in.
I would respond well to such an approach, it is non -invasive, leaves her room to either accept gracefully or find an excuse to decline. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Of course there may be a man in her life already.

If she declines and doesn't give any sign of interest, or offer another option, then don't push it, smile and ask her something work related and continue chatting, though you will be very disappointed try not to show it.

If she says that she is busy on that particular day then don't just fold, ask her, again with a smile, "how about another time?" Perhaps you can exchange phone numbers. Women like to be desired but also don't like to seem too easy to attain.

The next time you meet in the work setting, be friendly but don't ask her out again. That will make her more interested in you, and she will like that you have respected her boundaries, but perhaps will be disappointed that you aren't persuing her. Hopefully. Good luck! :heart:


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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2019, 7:30 am

Teach51 wrote:
I would say that having already met several times and chatted, the next step would be to say with a smile " I really like you, would you like to go for a drink sometime?" (Or another activity.) This following a few minutes small talk of course leading in.
I would respond well to such an approach, it is non -invasive, leaves her room to either accept gracefully or find an excuse to decline. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Of course there may be a man in her life already.

If she declines and doesn't give any sign of interest, or offer another option, then don't push it, smile and ask her something work related and continue chatting, though you will be very disappointed try not to show it.

If she says that she is busy on that particular day then don't just fold, ask her, again with a smile, "how about another time?" Perhaps you can exchange phone numbers. Women like to be desired but also don't like to seem too easy to attain.

The next time you meet in the work setting, be friendly but don't ask her out again. That will make her more interested in you, and she will like that you have respected her boundaries, but perhaps will be disappointed that you aren't persuing her. Hopefully. Good luck! :heart:



Did YOU ever do something like that before?



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20 Apr 2019, 7:59 am

Actually NT's do it frequently. I have been asked out many times that way. I am though a different generation. I as a woman have never made the first move in my life.

Today everything is in your face sex pics or exchanging sex vids on social media. Hook ups and shallow emulations of porn.That does not develop usually into caring, long term relationships. The OP seems to be looking for something more meaningful and deep.

Todays culture centres around a quick fix and instant gratification. That has nothing to do with real love. If one wants a life partner then one must invest well and work hard . Hook ups leave you lonely. Just my opinion :D


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Teach51
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20 Apr 2019, 8:06 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
3) Next time I see her in person, engage her in conversations of interest. I worry this may be too weak an expression of interest, and be misleading as to my intentions


This, then you ask her for her facebook, then you chat her there.

In the 99% cases they accept, they like to add this +1 to their friends count, but usually it doesn't lead to anything afterward lol.

But there's really no other way in your case.



Why use virtual media when he sees her in the flesh?


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IsabellaLinton
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20 Apr 2019, 8:36 am

IMO, #1 is the best and only choice.

These days, most guys are too shy to ask for dates in person. I think most women would appreciate the old fashioned approach. Don't get lost in her social media milieu and rely on text communication, which is hard to interpret.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2019, 9:47 am

Teach51 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
3) Next time I see her in person, engage her in conversations of interest. I worry this may be too weak an expression of interest, and be misleading as to my intentions


This, then you ask her for her facebook, then you chat her there.

In the 99% cases they accept, they like to add this +1 to their friends count, but usually it doesn't lead to anything afterward lol.

But there's really no other way in your case.



Why use virtual media when he sees her in the flesh?



Because he is seeing her by chance only once per month, this can’t work.

He needs much more frequent conversations with her.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2019, 9:51 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
IMO, #1 is the best and only choice.

These days, most guys are too shy to ask for dates in person. I think most women would appreciate the old fashioned approach. Don't get lost in her social media milieu and rely on text communication, which is hard to interpret.


:lol:

Ok fine.... OP, listen to those old fashioned ladies.

Let’s see how you’re gonna embarrass yourself and make a fool out of yourself, I am really curious to see how this would turn out in their way.

Isabella, haven’t you ever wondered why guys had abandoned this approach?

Answer: because for most, it only works in the movies, its failure rate is extremely, extremely high.



kraftiekortie
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20 Apr 2019, 10:26 am

Just ask her if she wants to go for coffee, lunch or something. You’ve been talking to her a while.



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20 Apr 2019, 10:28 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
IMO, #1 is the best and only choice.

These days, most guys are too shy to ask for dates in person. I think most women would appreciate the old fashioned approach. Don't get lost in her social media milieu and rely on text communication, which is hard to interpret.




Ok fine.... OP, listen to those old fashioned ladies.

Let’s see how you’re gonna embarrass yourself and make a fool out of yourself, I am really curious to see how this would turn out in their way.

Isabella, haven’t you ever wondered why guys had abandoned this approach?

Answer: because for most, it only works in the movies, its failure rate is extremely, extremely high.



Lol us geriatric ladies :lol:


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Antrax
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20 Apr 2019, 10:42 am

Teach51 wrote:
I would say that having already met several times and chatted, the next step would be to say with a smile " I really like you, would you like to go for a drink sometime?" (Or another activity.) This following a few minutes small talk of course leading in.
I would respond well to such an approach, it is non -invasive, leaves her room to either accept gracefully or find an excuse to decline. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Of course there may be a man in her life already.

If she declines and doesn't give any sign of interest, or offer another option, then don't push it, smile and ask her something work related and continue chatting, though you will be very disappointed try not to show it.

If she says that she is busy on that particular day then don't just fold, ask her, again with a smile, "how about another time?" Perhaps you can exchange phone numbers. Women like to be desired but also don't like to seem too easy to attain.

The next time you meet in the work setting, be friendly but don't ask her out again. That will make her more interested in you, and she will like that you have respected her boundaries, but perhaps will be disappointed that you aren't persuing her. Hopefully. Good luck! :heart:


This seems like very solid advice. I'm not sure I'm "smooth" enough to execute it, but it is how I would like to do things.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2019, 11:47 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Just ask her if she wants to go for coffee, lunch or something. You’ve been talking to her a while.



He was talking to her once in a blue moon.



rdos
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20 Apr 2019, 2:45 pm

I would go for trying to arrange more frequent meetings without any talking (both in the arrangement and the actual meetings).