What do you wish people knew about how to help you thrive?

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Graceling
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23 Apr 2019, 2:09 pm

What do you wish the rest of the world knew about how to help you thrive? What do you wish your teachers, bosses, parents, friends, partners, or coworkers knew about what you need to be at your best?

Maybe it's something about stimming, or sensory issues, or how to explain things to you, or maybe it's anything else.

I wish people understood that when I seem social, it's completely fake, I don't know what I'm doing, and I need someone to keep an eye on me in case I start to slip up.


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Fnord
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23 Apr 2019, 2:11 pm

I am a human being with my own feelings, dreams, and specialized knowledge.

I am suspicious of anyone who shows a sudden interest in me.

Being factual in my conversations does not make me a rude and insensitive person, it makes me an honest person.

An insult is not a joke. A lie is not a joke. Clumsiness is not a joke. Pain is not a joke/


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TUF
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23 Apr 2019, 4:18 pm

Listen to me, whether it's what I write (as in read every word) or what I say (as in hear every word). Don't second guess my intentions like mum sometimes does. Literally go with what I write or say because at least in that moment I mean it.

Learn about me. Stepdad - you're the closest I have to a dad so maybe talk to your wife about basic stuff to do with me rather than forgetting it all the time. Remember I have light sensitivity and dyspraxia and that they're not jokes but real things.

World - quit patronising me. Quit saying 'writers need day jobs' when by day jobs, you mean 'secondary sources of income'. World - understand that I genuinely cannot work a regular job. World - quit making fun of what I wear or what I talk about.

Writing world - quit charging fees and quit raising the fees. Fees ought to be small and for contests only. 'Admin fee' is nonsense. At least allow for a way for those of us who don't have day jobs to get out of paying.



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23 Apr 2019, 4:24 pm

All that I have ever really wanted was to know that I was loved.


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IstominFan
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23 Apr 2019, 5:12 pm

Treat me as though I'm an intelligent person.



sidetrack
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23 Apr 2019, 5:18 pm

What you can religion or spirituality, the commitment and respect stereotypical of it?. That is how I value reciprocation and temperament for when it comes to emotional regulation. Please don't dismiss me as boring. Give me a job with not too much of a learning curve and more than adequate job security.

I may have access to social assistance but that doesn't mean I mean to let you down.



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23 Apr 2019, 5:23 pm

I get overwhelmed quite easily, even by tasks that should be simple. If I'm faced with a mess that needs to be cleaned up, I don't see one big picture, I see tons of little details, and the sum of all those details overwhelms me.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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23 Apr 2019, 7:08 pm

To stop telling me to always behave like a gender stereotype because I don't like it when someone tells me to behave like an "real man."


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24 Apr 2019, 5:26 am

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
To stop telling me to always behave like a gender stereotype because I don't like it when someone tells me to behave like an "real man."


The same but the other gender.

And quit buying me female things like makeup etc they hurt my skin and I've never liked them so I'm not about to start doing.



Ollywog
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25 Apr 2019, 3:55 pm

I may be skilled at one task and have difficulty with another task that seems similar. I may be very capable one day and struggle with most things another day. Please accept this even if it doesn't make sense to you.

I paused in mid sentence because I'm thinking, not because I'm finished talking. Please stop interrupting me. 8O

Please allow more space between speakers in group conversations, otherwise I never get to talk because I don't know when is the right time to say something.

Please don't tell me how you think I'm feeling. Apparently my facial expressions are deceptive, and it is uncomfortable to have to contradict people.

Please don't talk so loud.

And, for God's sake, when I say something unexpected, don't say "that was random." It wasn't. :(


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25 Apr 2019, 4:56 pm

My comprehension may be a little slow, and my speech may not always be fluent, but those are not the same thing as being stupid.


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Galadnarthiel
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26 Apr 2019, 12:31 am

-Ask one thing at a time.

-When you ask me a question, make it specific so I know how and how much to answer.

-When you ask me to do something, please explain specifically exactly what you want me to do and how. Breaking it down into step-by-step is helpful. A demonstration is even better.

-If I don't answer you or don't answer right away, it might be that I didn't hear you, was distracted by something else like background noise, am taking a while to register what you said, or am trying to figure out and compose a response.

-Nonverbal communication (eye contact for example) is something I have to consciously make sure I am doing appropriately, and having to remember all that at the same time as holding a conversation is distracting to say the least. Not looking you in the eye actually helps me focus on what you or I am saying.

-Don't rush my decision-making (for example, help me decide on fast-food order ahead of time, let me write things down, etc.).

-Repeat/rephrase back what I communicate or have me do it back to you to make sure communication was understood.

-Be clear & direct about what you want & what your intentions are (verbally, please - even though I've had lots of practice with body language, don't assume I will notice), so I don't have to guess.

-Tell me how you feel if you want me to know, and give me a clue how I should respond (or give me grace as I try to figure out the best way to respond).

-If you are ever confused/concerned about what is going on with me (which is likely most of the time), ask. Or maybe ask later when I seem more relaxed and it's one-on-one. I may be unable to answer you or even understand myself, but if you really want to know you will have to take initiative and be patient and help me communicate, because it does not come naturally and is difficult. That doesn't mean I don't want to communicate. In fact it's extremely frustrating to be unable to express myself, but it means a lot when someone tries to give me the time.

-I spend huge amount of my time and energy trying to understand people and interact with them in an understandable way. Again, since apparently "normal" people are better at reading people and knowing what to say, it would be great if others made the effort to understand me. I realize this is hard when you can't see things from my perspective, but even just remembering that my perspective is probably different may help.

-If I do/say something rude/offensive/embarrassing:
a. don't automatically take it personally.
b. don't make fun of it.
c. discreetly explain how it came across and what I could do better.

-If I say I can't do/eat/wear something or am anxious about a situation, I'm not just trying to be difficult. Again, please don't take it personally or make light of it, even if it seems like a small, ridiculous thing.

-When I say "stop," I really mean it. Don't keep doing it because you think it's funny. Doing something once is teasing. Continuing to do that thing after clearly being asked to stop is bullying.


Wouldn't it be nice if people would take these things seriously :(


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Edna3362
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26 Apr 2019, 1:04 am

Don't overestimate and underestimate me, for various circumstances.
Even I cannot predict myself as much as no one could predict me. So do please forgive yourselves, so I could forgive myself for it.



.. That I'm actually not meant to be verbal, and it's more than just speech and keeping up with it.
That my nonverbal strengths compensated everything for being verbal in order to get through others. That I got lucky figuring myself out, or I'd end up with a learning disability for it.

I'm actually more autistic than my diagnosis suggests. I happen to pass off as an aspie in many standards, but it's better than being misdiagnosed outside the spectrum.
And aspies can pass off as NT for being verbal and in control enough of their bodies. Do not overestimate 'aspies', do not underestimate 'autistics' -- that's how my own case is.

Not even the closest of people had figured that one yet, because they couldn't exactly understand -- I'd wish people knew that knowing about it isn't always enough.


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Twilightprincess
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28 Apr 2019, 1:43 pm

I’ve wish that my family knew that I was trying my best and also that I value privacy and my own personal, mental space.

Just because I’m not obviously struggling or having a noticeable breakdown doesn’t mean that I’m just lazy or not trying hard enough. I’m doing the best that I can.

Maybe I should be more open...but the very idea of it makes me super uncomfortable.



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28 Apr 2019, 7:55 pm

Keep your voice quiet

I am not intellectually challenged