Jealous of the guys at work being able to flirt with women
Fnord wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
... Improve your fitness, your self-esteem and your self-confidence. Care about the mental way that you are. Care about eye contact and don't be to shy once a women likes you because it's a sign of self confidence. It takes some time to improve but it works.
Wise words.As you once pointed out, it works best for people who have money to spend on dating.
You always assume I do nothing, cause if I did do something they’d id be middle class and in a relationship. To conservatives there’s either success or your lazy. The real world is full of people who trailed but aren’t successful. Not everyone can be successful, others have to fail for those to succeed.
_________________
There is no place for me in the world. I'm going into the wilderness, probably to die
sly279 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
... Improve your fitness, your self-esteem and your self-confidence. Care about the mental way that you are. Care about eye contact and don't be to shy once a women likes you because it's a sign of self confidence. It takes some time to improve but it works.
Wise words.sly279 wrote:
To conservatives there’s either success or your lazy. The real world is full of people who trailed but aren’t successful. Not everyone can be successful, others have to fail for those to succeed.
The thing about success is that it's at least as complex as autism. Some may have all the money in the world and not a single friend, yet still be considered successful. Another may work 50+ hours a week to support a family of 12 and retire at 67, and be called a success. Others may be barely scraping by and have only one true love in their life, and still be a success.It's not all about money and fame.
_________________
sly279 wrote:
For a lot of women it seems to be mostly about money hence why they refuse to date a guy who doesn’t make enough money. Just like how a lot of guys looks is most important.
This certainly seems to be the case. I think that everybody would like to "date up" -- that is, to date (or marry) someone wealthier and better-looking than they. I also think that some women may be more inclined toward wealth than good looks, while some men may be more inclined toward good looks than wealth, and that there is a large overlap somewhere in the middle. There may also be a lot of other factors (i.e., behavior, fertility, health, interests, sanity, et cetera), as well.
_________________
sly279 wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
SecretOpossumCabal wrote:
Therefor if you want a lady you have to make yourself a complete man, women want men not boys. Stop pining for them to fix you, it doesn't work that way and it will never work that way.
Thats' right. For this work on yourself. Improve your fitness, your self-esteem and your self-confidence. Care about the mental way that you are. Care about eye contact and don't be to shy once a women likes you because it's a sign of self confidence. It takes some time to improve but it works.
This is why I didn’t read his reply. I already know I’m not a real man and never will be women already point this out I don’t need told it more.
I do find it ironic as a lot of women do try to fix their boyfriends and husbands.
Think of men as animals, women are plants.
Women grow into womanhood, whereas men are MADE.
Sly, you like many other men, likely have the same upbringing that we have, that being an absentee/apathetic father who never taught us how to be men from boys. This causes us to wander aimlessly without direction or a motor, worse yet we look for what the mother has in our suitors, yet we don't realize that women don't want to raise another boy.
This sets us back, and hamstrings us, it causes mny men to commit suicide, and it causes even more men to lose themselves in porn and videogames. Those later two form a lethal cocktail that makes you feel like hell. It took me 2 years of constant struggle to shake those things off.
But like I said, in a sad way, I think you need to experience a tragedy sooner rather than later in order to change. From what I gather in these forums a lot of other users gave you similar advise and you have not taken it, so when that tragedy hits you, don't let it overwhelm you.
When my dog was dying of cancer I kept trying to appeal to God that I will change if he can save my dog's life. When you have a loved one that is nearly dying, and will soon be taken away, that is likely going to be the catalyst that will change you.
Today, I don't have a lady, and guess what? I don't even have any female friends, but workouts and a disciplined schedule (in addition to removing pornography from my life) has made my life enjoyable, it's not perfect, but its bearable.
That's what you need to find, and from that foundation work on small goals that turn into bigger ones (with patience), this is the stage that I am at and I can already see the tremendous change that's within me.
My dog was taken away from me when I was 30. I am not that far from you, so it's not too late.
Fnord wrote:
sly279 wrote:
To conservatives there’s either success or your lazy. The real world is full of people who trailed but aren’t successful. Not everyone can be successful, others have to fail for those to succeed.
The thing about success is that it's at least as complex as autism. Some may have all the money in the world and not a single friend, yet still be considered successful. Another may work 50+ hours a week to support a family of 12 and retire at 67, and be called a success. Others may be barely scraping by and have only one true love in their life, and still be a success.It's not all about money and fame.
To add to what Fnord already said, let's change the objective to make failure bearable, in fact, everyone fails on their way to success, these things are what discipline, workouts, and persistence will give to you, Sly. You need to become so comfortable with yourself that you're no longer stung by rejection or failure, your masculinity needs to come from within and NOT from women. Women can't make men, and you likely being raised by a single mother, have no conception of what that is, a father was supposed to give it to you, but the good news for you is that you can well acquire it on your own.
But it will never come from women so stop looking there. Women can still be good allies and very good friends, but they (non-blood related) women are NOT there to be your mother or to fix you.
Anyawys I do empathize with where you're at, too many aspie males end up there and I know of the hell that it feels like, but it can certainly be made bearable, even comfortable, and maybe one day very enjoyable.
How about just 10 minutes of workouts each day? No matter how small you start, it is a good start, get a fitness watch to help track your daily progress as I found they offer some extra motivation. Do these things consistently and I guarantee you will feel so much better and confidant about yourself. You WILL get stronger and within one year not even recognize who you are.
Do it soon, sly, don't wait for the tragedy like I did.
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
Just a note about the eye contact thing ...
If a person is trying to interact or talk with you, and you look away from them, they will often interpret that to mean you wish to be left alone.
_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!
Fnord wrote:
sly279 wrote:
For a lot of women it seems to be mostly about money hence why they refuse to date a guy who doesn’t make enough money. Just like how a lot of guys looks is most important.
This certainly seems to be the case. I think that everybody would like to "date up" -- that is, to date (or marry) someone wealthier and better-looking than they. I also think that some women may be more inclined toward wealth than good looks, while some men may be more inclined toward good looks than wealth, and that there is a large overlap somewhere in the middle. There may also be a lot of other factors (i.e., behavior, fertility, health, interests, sanity, et cetera), as well.I just want to say as a woman,
yes to me looks are important.
But, it's not about perfection. It's about how a man's demeanor is, his walk, the way he cares for himself, if this is about being in a relationship.
Money is nice, but honesty is better by both words and actions.
I'd like to be that way too.
Also, someone who can listen and be there for a long haul.
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