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Jealous of the guys at work being able to flirt with women

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The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Apr 2019, 3:23 pm

Dan82 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Please stop talking about confidence.

It's getting old.


It's more important to hit the mark than it is to act confident you'll hit the mark anyway.


Do you want me to prove to you that confidence is overrated and BS?

Here:




Confidence without competence is f*****g useless.

Confidence in singing without having talent is f*****g useless.

And by the same logic, Confidence in flirting without having the skill is f*****g useless.

Sly won't be able to flirt with confidence alone if he significantly lacks people skills.

/ I declare winning the argument, you can't refute the above. Discussion closed.



quite an extreme
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28 Apr 2019, 5:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Do you want me to prove to you that confidence is overrated and BS?

I was talking about self-confidence and not self-overestimation. If it comes to self confidence I was meaning self confidence towards other people. I never said that it's already enough to be self-confident.


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Dan82
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28 Apr 2019, 10:06 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Dan82 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Please stop talking about confidence.

It's getting old.


It's more important to hit the mark than it is to act confident you'll hit the mark anyway.


Do you want me to prove to you that confidence is overrated and BS?

Here:




Confidence without competence is f*****g useless.

Confidence in singing without having talent is f*****g useless.

And by the same logic, Confidence in flirting without having the skill is f*****g useless.

Sly won't be able to flirt with confidence alone if he significantly lacks people skills.

/ I declare winning the argument, you can't refute the above. Discussion closed.


I'm not entirely sure why you're responding to my post that way being that I'm saying confidence isn't important, but I would say he won't be able to flirt successfully with the Trump thing going (joke) and people skills can be worked on.

For example, I know I'm always going to come off as "quirky" at best being that I'm autistic, but things have been going a lot better once I got rid of the cognitive error that people will treat you like s**t if you're not, like, SUPERLATIVE. It's more about playing the cards you're dealt well and paying what you owe than winning. For example, some women prefer a kind of quirky character. Maybe not as many as prefer popular guys, but.

If I was younger, I might really hit it off with a girl easy at this point being that I had a chance or two here when I was a narcissist and I actually have friends now. Maybe not as often as others being that I think I'm kind of an acquired taste, but.


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Marknis
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30 Apr 2019, 12:35 pm

Dan82 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
They are also very two-faced and petty.


Part of knowing how to flirt appropriately is knowing how to send messages through nonverbal cues and subtext. A lot of the "two-faced"-ness is what I've heard called "front stage"/"back stage" behavior; if you think of a play being put on somewhere, people talk about the play being put on "front stage" very differently "back stage" than they do in front of the audience. The pettiness is reasoning by analogy: people use small, visible, past or present things as an indication of something more important that won't be revealed until sometime in the future. In order to flirt with someone without, you know, sexually harassing them, you have to get a feel for the flow of these nonverbal and subtextual currents, because that lets you know who you're talking to and what they expect or are willing to accept.

Unless, you know, other people would describe them as two-faced and petty, in which case ha ha never mind.


I am not attracted to the two-faced and petty people so why would I want to flirt on them in the first place?



Dan82
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30 Apr 2019, 12:54 pm

Marknis wrote:
Dan82 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
They are also very two-faced and petty.


Part of knowing how to flirt appropriately is knowing how to send messages through nonverbal cues and subtext. A lot of the "two-faced"-ness is what I've heard called "front stage"/"back stage" behavior; if you think of a play being put on somewhere, people talk about the play being put on "front stage" very differently "back stage" than they do in front of the audience. The pettiness is reasoning by analogy: people use small, visible, past or present things as an indication of something more important that won't be revealed until sometime in the future. In order to flirt with someone without, you know, sexually harassing them, you have to get a feel for the flow of these nonverbal and subtextual currents, because that lets you know who you're talking to and what they expect or are willing to accept.

Unless, you know, other people would describe them as two-faced and petty, in which case ha ha never mind.


I am not attracted to the two-faced and petty people so why would I want to flirt on them in the first place?


They're not really two-faced and petty, though. They're figuring out what's going on and then not sharing that information openly, because that's rude and unpleasant. It's telling people who they are, telling people what they should know, etc.


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CockneyRebel
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30 Apr 2019, 12:58 pm

if you see a girl you like, ask if you can sit with her and strike up a conversation. You don't need to flirt.


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Marknis
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30 Apr 2019, 1:14 pm

Dan82 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Dan82 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
They are also very two-faced and petty.


Part of knowing how to flirt appropriately is knowing how to send messages through nonverbal cues and subtext. A lot of the "two-faced"-ness is what I've heard called "front stage"/"back stage" behavior; if you think of a play being put on somewhere, people talk about the play being put on "front stage" very differently "back stage" than they do in front of the audience. The pettiness is reasoning by analogy: people use small, visible, past or present things as an indication of something more important that won't be revealed until sometime in the future. In order to flirt with someone without, you know, sexually harassing them, you have to get a feel for the flow of these nonverbal and subtextual currents, because that lets you know who you're talking to and what they expect or are willing to accept.

Unless, you know, other people would describe them as two-faced and petty, in which case ha ha never mind.


I am not attracted to the two-faced and petty people so why would I want to flirt on them in the first place?


They're not really two-faced and petty, though. They're figuring out what's going on and then not sharing that information openly, because that's rude and unpleasant. It's telling people who they are, telling people what they should know, etc.


If only that was true. These people constantly fault and talk down on those who they consider beneath them but will overlook the actions of those in their "circle".



Dan82
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30 Apr 2019, 1:39 pm

Marknis wrote:
Dan82 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Dan82 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
They are also very two-faced and petty.


Part of knowing how to flirt appropriately is knowing how to send messages through nonverbal cues and subtext. A lot of the "two-faced"-ness is what I've heard called "front stage"/"back stage" behavior; if you think of a play being put on somewhere, people talk about the play being put on "front stage" very differently "back stage" than they do in front of the audience. The pettiness is reasoning by analogy: people use small, visible, past or present things as an indication of something more important that won't be revealed until sometime in the future. In order to flirt with someone without, you know, sexually harassing them, you have to get a feel for the flow of these nonverbal and subtextual currents, because that lets you know who you're talking to and what they expect or are willing to accept.

Unless, you know, other people would describe them as two-faced and petty, in which case ha ha never mind.


I am not attracted to the two-faced and petty people so why would I want to flirt on them in the first place?


They're not really two-faced and petty, though. They're figuring out what's going on and then not sharing that information openly, because that's rude and unpleasant. It's telling people who they are, telling people what they should know, etc.


If only that was true. These people constantly fault and talk down on those who they consider beneath them but will overlook the actions of those in their "circle".


Okay, yes, sometimes people can be two-faced and petty, so maybe they are. But this is a passage, which I'll probably post elsewhere from time to time, from the book The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life which is about how people do things at work that I'm like 90% of the way through right now:

Quote:
When an individual enters the presence of others, they commonly seek to acquire information about him or to bring into play information about him already possessed. They will be interested in his general socio-economic status, his conception of self, his attitude toward them, his competence, his trustworthiness, etc. Although some of this information seems to be sought almost as an end in itself, there are usually quite practical reasons for acquiring it. Information about the individual helps to define the situation, enabling others to know in advance what he will expect of them and what they may expect of him. Informed in these ways, the others will know how best to act in order to call forth a desired response from him.


I'm guessing part of what they do in their clique is share this information, which is valuable, in order to know how to spend their time at work, which is valuable.

CockneyRebel wrote:
if you see a girl you like, ask if you can sit with her and strike up a conversation. You don't need to flirt.


This could work. Could be a little forward sometimes, but so could flirting.


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Fnord
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30 Apr 2019, 1:53 pm

I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"

99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.

Never give up.

...

(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! :cry: ")


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that1weirdgrrrl
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30 Apr 2019, 3:15 pm

Fnord wrote:
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"

99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.

Never give up.

...

(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! :cry: ")


Maybe they just haven't reached 100 times yet .. I also love how you wrote this in definitive past tense ..
I'll go back to lurking now....


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Fnord
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30 Apr 2019, 4:04 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?" 99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile...
... I also love how you wrote this in definitive past tense ...
It's how I met my wife.


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sly279
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30 Apr 2019, 5:54 pm

One shouldn’t mistake luck with strategy


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The Grand Inquisitor
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30 Apr 2019, 6:32 pm

Fnord wrote:
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"

99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.

Never give up.

...

(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! :cry: ")

But when you have significant deficits in qualities that are almost universally required to elicit interest from your preferred sex, that poses a significant challenge. Additionally, generally, the more skewed towards rejection that your rejection-acceptance ratio is, the lower threshold you have for rejection. People who receive a lot of acceptance are able to feel better by focusing on those instances of acceptance when they are rejected, but conversely, several rejections for someone who is perpetually rejected just reinforce in their mind that they're not worthy, and are as such more taxing on that person.

This is why my opinion is that you need to develop a product worth marketing before taking it to market, so-to-speak. You are statistically more likely to be accepted if you have attractive qualities that appeal to the mainstream, and a "can-do" attitude than if you come packaged with dysfunction and a bunch of "I can't"s. A can-do attitude is developed by achieving in the face of adversity.



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30 Apr 2019, 6:42 pm

:roll:


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AquaineBay
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30 Apr 2019, 7:10 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"

99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.

Never give up.

...

(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! :cry: ")

But when you have significant deficits in qualities that are almost universally required to elicit interest from your preferred sex, that poses a significant challenge. Additionally, generally, the more skewed towards rejection that your rejection-acceptance ratio is, the lower threshold you have for rejection. People who receive a lot of acceptance are able to feel better by focusing on those instances of acceptance when they are rejected, but conversely, several rejections for someone who is perpetually rejected just reinforce in their mind that they're not worthy, and are as such more taxing on that person.

This is why my opinion is that you need to develop a product worth marketing before taking it to market, so-to-speak. You are statistically more likely to be accepted if you have attractive qualities that appeal to the mainstream, and a "can-do" attitude than if you come packaged with dysfunction and a bunch of "I can't"s. A can-do attitude is developed by achieving in the face of adversity.


So I have a question: What are things that one with Autism could market that would make them stand out? Without social skills there isn't much else to market. I mean there is talent but the problem with developing a product and "marketing" it, is that marketing requires social skills to do that which people on the spectrum lack and sadly not many areas have access to services to help with that. Kind of end up being a "Catch 22"...


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30 Apr 2019, 7:31 pm

sly279 wrote:
One shouldn’t mistake luck with strategy
What you call "luck" favors only the bold and those who persevere.

Never give up.


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