Learning the rules of dating!

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I was hearing about a story today where a guy that was autistic researched the rules of dating etc. He tried too get a girl too like him by using all the rules he learnt but she was still not interested in him.

Basically he thought because he had all the knowledge of dating and used it when chatting this girl up it meant he felt entitled for her too like him.


What do you make of this situation?

Well, in other areas of life you tend to follow steps and get a result. I.e. you learn the skills to get a job, you learn how interview techniques and you get a job.

Making friends and dating is subject to whims and feelings. It's the wild west out there. To me people learn that the hard way.

Surprised she was not interested given he learnt the rules

Is that a question?

No I'm not surprised, because in dating there are some basic rules, but everything else, the real connection, isn't about ticking boxes, it's about how you feel and work together. He could have done everything "correctly", but he might have a voice that she found irritating.

It can be something as arbitrary as that

I've just lost someone and I don't know why. We get along so well, but I don't know what about me isn't right for him. I thought he was right for me. It seemed good. I dont want to ask him because ut will hurt too much and what us nit right for him nay be perfect for another, so I don't see the point.

You can do all sorts of "correct" things, but at the end of the day it all comes down to personal preference.

Apparently his premise wasn't true, lol.

But honestly, knowledge alone doesn't mean a lot, because even the pick up artists who spend a lot of time on learning these rules need to practice them in real life and improve their attractiveness.
It's often one thing to read a book on how to do something, and a whole other thing actually doing it.

For one thing, no singular "Rules of dating" are going to work seeing as we are each different.

"Rules of Dating" ...

If there are any rules for dating, they would likely be more similar to the rules of poker than chess -- more tactical than strategic.

Success depends on how well you play what you've been dealt.

The only rule of dating somebody neurodiverse needs to know/learn is to avoid it at all costs. Try to meet girls (or guys) the natural way (which is not through dating), and you will be a lot more likely to find somebody compatible.

Also forget about the "big number games". The more people you try to date just for the sake of it, the more pain and frustration you'll get. Focus on compatibility and don't worry about seldom finding somebody worthwhile to pursue. After all, couples typically involve only two persons and so you only need to focus on one person.

It's really difficult not to worry about seldom finding someone. I don't think I've ever found someone at all. There's never any real connection. They always leave me before a relationship can even begin

Last edited by hurtloam on 03 May 2019, 7:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

I find it laughable the amount of dating advice that is being offered by dinosaurs. Oh wait , I'm a hypocrite.

I find it laughable that people with little or no experience in dating are somehow "experts" at it -- they all seem to "know" why they can't get a date.

And they're always wrong.

Fwiw, I've had some relationships in the past that i thought really worked and we had good connection and chemistry and all that, and I was confused when I got dumped....

Now I am kind of starting to like one of my friends, but the kind of interaction and communication I've had with him makes all those other relationships look really shallow now.

In short, it's a matter of perspective.

I would still say try to interact with and make friends with as many people as you can; there's really no harm in that.

Rule No. 137: Never tell your date the pet name you've assigned to your penis. Just don't, man. Just don't. (Unless she asks, of course.)

Rule No. 138: Never tell your date the pet name you've assigned to their genitals. Just don't, man. Just don't. (Unless they ask, of course.)

^^

You can't force other people to be interested in you. There are ways to put your best foot forward but that is all.

I can bend physical world to my will by learning all the rules, but people are messy and unpredictable. I never truly know what they will do or how will they will react.