Page 1 of 1 [ 3 posts ] 

ToWhomItMayConcern
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 22 Apr 2019
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

30 Apr 2019, 5:12 pm

Ever since middle school people have been scared of me. I dont smile much and having resting b***h face most days.

So I currently work with children and some are scared of me some really like me though.

Its really disheartening and a bit triggering when I see kids whispering about me and when I approach them them trying to hide from me. It brings me back to my own chdhood. And I know they're just kids but I cant it.

Some of my cowowkrs seem afraid of me too. I've practiced so hard to fake smiles and my fake friendly voice that NTs seem to do but it never seems to be enough

I'm trying to get a thicker skin, working with children you need one


I just can't stand when people are afraid of me child or adult :D



jimmy m
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jun 2018
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,468
Location: Indiana

30 Apr 2019, 5:40 pm

Many Aspies do not make good eye contact, which neurotypicals use automatically to interpreting feelings. Neurotypicals focus on the hidden tells on the face and eyes. But this hidden tells are not accurate when applied to Aspies and can often lead to problems.

Recently I began to take the approach that a potential solution to this problem was to deny NT from being able to see my eyes. That way they would be forced to listen to my words in order to understand my projected emotions.

When I was a teenager in college, I bought a pair of motorcycle policeman sunglasses. These were sunglasses that had a perfectly reflective mirrored finish. I found it to be very interesting wearing these. It was almost like I was invisible. No one could see into my eyes. It was like I was in a box with a one-way mirror. All that anyone ever saw when they looked at me was a reflection of themselves. Normally I never look into people's eyes, an Aspie trait. But when I wore these glasses, I found it easier to look them right into their eyes. I could walk right up to their face and they couldn't see my eyes. I suspect most people found the glasses intimidating when they looked at me. But I didn't really care, because I felt free of their stares.

So the last time I visited the optometrist I purchased a pair of blue solid mirrored coating prescription glasses. The lenses have no internal tint. Therefore it is possible to wear them indoors because they are not true sunglasses. Mirror coatings can be solid mirror or flash mirror. Solid mirror coating lenses are completely nontransparent; whereas flash mirror coated lenses are partially transparent. The glasses are polarized to prevent glare. Mirror finish lenses produce substantial reflective glare.

I choose the color blue because it is peaceful, tranquil and symbolizes loyalty. Blue is reliable and responsible. It exhibits inner security and confidence.

I have been wearing these for several months now when I am shopping. People seem to accept them and I get an occasional smile when I wear them, a friendly smile. They seem to project a happy me which is really what I am deep down inside. So I am pleased with the results.

So I will give this suggestion to you!


_________________
Author of Practical Preparations for a Coronavirus Pandemic.
A very unique plan. As Dr. Paul Thompson wrote, "This is the very best paper on the virus I have ever seen."


Dan82
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 185
Location: St. Paul Suburbs, Minnesota

01 May 2019, 12:55 am

"Scared" might be a strong word. Part of my autism is that I don't always give social cues and that can make people uncomfortable. How uncomfortable can vary depending on the situation.

For example, I remember one time I was volunteering at a place where people packaged food for the hungry. My job one time was to take food from gigantic barrels in the middle of the room and refill the tubs people filled the bags out of at tables. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I've noticed that if you talk to people, they tend to strike up a conversation, so what I did at all the tables was assume that my presence holding the big scoop or whatever it was of food was "nonverbal behavior" enough to communicate "Please excuse me, I need to get past you to refill your tub with food so you can continue packaging it, being that, you know, that's the entire purpose of our being here." It worked at most of the tables, although I could tell I bothered some people and didn't know why. (At the time, I just thought people in general were really rude.)

Anyway, so, yeah, that was kind of bothering them being that I wasn't giving them social cues, but the moral of the story is one of the table was a group of popular-looking adolescent girls, and even I could tell they got really nervous once I just walked up next to them and just stood there. I don't think they were old enough to be wise enough to just be like, "Oh, socially awkward guy just wants to refill my food tub." Like, I think they were thinking scary things about me trying to be around them too much, like maybe I was looking at them or something.

Point is, if you don't give people something pleasant to think about, they can think about unpleasant things, because they're being left to wonder. So I think that could be it.