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chris1989
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15 May 2019, 5:15 am

Since being and leaving school and college I hardly had any friends from class especially NT ones to hang out with, I feel like I was always was the person in class whom no one was always interested in and they spoke to and socialised with everyone else but me. I never got hold of people's phone numbers to get in touch with them. I did add them on social media but they hardly ever spoke to me and even though they've added me because they recognise me, they don't know me well. I did at times use social media rather than adding photos and stuff that I did when I first started and just began venting my frustrations by posting sometimes negative statuses and negative messages to get people to understand me, people still just ignored me and just blocked or deleted me which I seem to take personally, now I've stopped doing it because I know people won't reply and don't really use social media for anything other than to scroll through other people's news feed and then log out and the photos I see of former class mates with friends and girlfriends and boyfriends out at parties, clubs, on days out at very exciting places, on nice holidays abroad especially other ones with aspergers like me who socialise with NTs makes me feel like a boring loser to them and that I've wasted life by not having friends to hang out with.



Twilightprincess
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15 May 2019, 7:43 am

Not having friends doesn’t make you a loser.



BTDT
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15 May 2019, 8:00 am

Maybe it doesn't work on Big Bang Theory but I've baked cookies for my garden club. I like baking but I can't eat that many cookies. Bringing them to a meeting is a great way to share them with friends.



shortfatbalduglyman
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15 May 2019, 8:21 am

Some people only want to be friends with people that are similar to them

That does not mean that you are a "loser"

"Loser" is vague and ambiguous

Your classmates can be friends with anyone they want

There is no :ninja: diversity quota :twisted: for their :jester: inner circle :mrgreen: .


With or without friends, "life" goes on and on and on and on and on.

I am 36

Once in a while I had a friend

Monopoly competition, economic

But usually zero

Put more emphasis on, work, school, goals, hobbies


If you want, you can try to make friends


But if they reject you please do not take it personally


Sometimes it is not worth the cost benefit analysis, to make friends



kraftiekortie
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15 May 2019, 8:38 am

It's true.....people do like cookies.



IstominFan
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15 May 2019, 9:17 am

I have found that pets are a popular topic of conversation. People who know me well know me as a person who loves and takes good care of her pets. That makes me feel good.



shortfatbalduglyman
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15 May 2019, 11:21 am

You can bake cookies and give them out

But that won't make anyone like you

:mrgreen:

Bribery

Many people love pets, especially dogs

"Beautiful dog", "what breed is he?", "How old is he?", "Is he friendly?"

Other meaningless comments

Some people don't like pets



CockneyRebel
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15 May 2019, 12:22 pm

I was friendless for years in my 20s. That didn't make me a loser. you need to look on the sunny side of life. You need to look at the positive and than you won't feel like crap.


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Mountain Goat
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15 May 2019, 2:19 pm

Here. How about us as friends? What are your hobbies? Usually that is a good way to gain friends. Just knowing that someone is there. Recently (Actually yesterday) i had a couple of hours spare while waiting for my mother who was at a meeting, so I went for a walk. Here in these parts of Wales is is quite common to say "Hello" or smile if you pass a stranger in the street. This makes things so much easier for me as I tend to have a touch of prosoprognosia at times. I just smile at everyone just incase I may know them!
Now when I passed someone while walking who smiled at me and said "Hello" and I smiled back, I thought to myself how blessed I am to live in an area where people do care. Yes, some have their own stresses and may not respond, and also incomers from certain parts may not have learned how to conduct themselves in my area of Wales, (In that they don't smile back etc), but in general, people do care, especially as they get older and start to think about their lives and how valueable others are.
You may find on social media, that you may want to unwind and... As my old boss used to say "Have a moan" (My old boss... His sister kept a cafe and many of the locals would come in to drink a coffee and have a moan about things. Once they had got things off their chest they felt relief and went out of the cafe happy. My boss noticed this. :) It is only now that I understand how valueable it was).


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Joe90
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15 May 2019, 2:57 pm

I feel the same as the OP. I've been abandoned or rejected by people even in adulthood, and yes, it does hurt. People advise me to tell myself that it's other people with the problem not me, but when you see how people are caring and friendly to each other, that's when I take it personally. That's when I know there is something about me people wouldn't give up their precious time to care about. I've always wished I was just another NT with the type of brain wiring that makes me automatically liked.

When I was at high school it was always the same; there was always a kid that hated me, but everybody else preferred to keep her happy, even if they liked me. The kid was usually a socially awkward or insecure sort of NT, so saw me as the only one below them and used that as opportunity to reject me and be mean. I mean, there was this girl at school who was literally not popular at all, and she wasn't extroverted, and she was not tough at all (I was not scared of her). But another girl who had similar interests and personality as me and was my friend, suddenly hung around with the mean girl, even though she didn't really like her. They never invited each other over their houses but one of them invited me round, and her mother liked me a lot and thought I was a good friend to her daughter. But no, the daughter still went around with the mean girl and they both deliberately left me out. For no reason. All I wanted was to be friends with BOTH of them, but no, they had to start up trouble. :roll: And it's not like this mean girl was even that manipulative; she didn't have any other friends really, so if the girl who was my friend just rejected the mean girl and stuck up for me and treated me as a friend, the mean girl wouldn't have had anybody to back her up, and would be alone, which is what she deserved. But no, the girl could have been my friend, instead she decided to reject me and go with this mean girl who didn't even treat her as a friend like I did.

It's funny how the meaner you are, the more people like you, yet if you're nice like me and then suddenly become mean, you'd just be hated even more. Sometimes you've just got to be born that way. :roll:


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Mountain Goat
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15 May 2019, 3:24 pm

Sorry to hear that. I was a bit of a loner in school. I did have one or two friends though, but yes, I was bullied and when I went to collage (Uhmm... I mean college) I didn't really fit in as I tried to wear a mask of humour, which is my way to fit in, but when the mask wears off and the humour dries out... Looking back on things they dis like me. It was me taking every situation in life far too seriously. I am older and wizer now and it is a miriacle I am still here, as once when in collage I was so frightened... The boys were messing around and said they would duck my head down the toilet. They half jokingly had tried it before though I put such a struggle up in my panic that there was no way the whole of the rest of the class could get me near the toilet. However one day I was in an upstairs classroom that was built like a bridge over the road. It was quite high up... Something like almost a third storey high though it was a second floor. The lecturer nipped out, then the whole class turned their attention towards me. (Looking back they were messing but I wasn't) Someone had shut the door to block my escape. I quickly went to look for options to make a run for it. I got up and stood on top of the desk ready to run desk to desk and smash my way through the windows with a plan to fall on rop of a tree just below. I was hopeful that I could make it as it seemed the only way out. So I was just steadying myself on the desk before the guys started to come my way and about to carry out my plan when the lecturer returned and told me off for standing on the desk.
In my life I have several close shaves like that. I know there is a God after all as I am still here and God has protected me the times I have done something stupid or attempted to do something stupid.
Once I was so hurt when a lady who I was going to marry suddenly changed and broke all contact after having me to commit to a loan for a nearly new vehicle I didn't want but she said she wanted (I was the legal owner...) and she had me take a whole years annual leave off and then that was the last I saw of her. She broke all contact... I was so upset as I thought I had done something wrong (Turns out she had been dating at least two others very intimately the same time and I didn't know) that I walked across a very busy and wide road looking directly ahead and to my absolute amazement I didn't hear one car slow down and nothing hit me. It was a complete miriacle.


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Empathy 11/80. AQ 39. May make sense to some. :)


ThePerfectionist
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16 May 2019, 10:36 am

Eh, who cares what others do? Not having friends won't kill you. Just having one or two is honestly enough, and honestly having nobody is not so bad so long as you occupy yourself.



Joe90
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16 May 2019, 11:00 am

Actually, having no friends could kill you. They always say loneliness can cause death in older people. Also loneliness can cause madness, especially if you're wired to want or need social interaction (some Aspies do instinctively crave social interaction, which is where Asperger's is a cruel thing if you have the same social desires NTs have). And also having no friends can cause vulnerability too, because you're always seen doing everything on your own and if you're in a situation where you've got to walk somewhere late at night, you have no friends you can ask to walk with you.

Yep, there's a lot of problems that come with having no friends. Believe me, I've been there. Having no friends to walk to school with made me more of a target for bullies.


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BTDT
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16 May 2019, 11:07 am

How do loners without friends get surgical procedures like colonoscopies?



Teach51
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17 May 2019, 7:04 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
Here. How about us as friends? What are your hobbies? Usually that is a good way to gain friends. Just knowing that someone is there. Recently (Actually yesterday) i had a couple of hours spare while waiting for my mother who was at a meeting, so I went for a walk. Here in these parts of Wales is is quite common to say "Hello" or smile if you pass a stranger in the street. This makes things so much easier for me as I tend to have a touch of prosoprognosia at times. I just smile at everyone just incase I may know them!
Now when I passed someone while walking who smiled at me and said "Hello" and I smiled back, I thought to myself how blessed I am to live in an area where people do care. Yes, some have their own stresses and may not respond, and also incomers from certain parts may not have learned how to conduct themselves in my area of Wales, (In that they don't smile back etc), but in general, people do care, especially as they get older and start to think about their lives and how valueable others are.
You may find on social media, that you may want to unwind and... As my old boss used to say "Have a moan" (My old boss... His sister kept a cafe and many of the locals would come in to drink a coffee and have a moan about things. Once they had got things off their chest they felt relief and went out of the cafe happy. My boss noticed this. :) It is only now that I understand how valueable it was).


You are precious Mountain Goat :heart:
I would love to exchange smiles with you in beautiful Wales.I had a holiday in Anglesey when I was very young.

I am not exactly NT but not autistic. I have ADD and find writing and typing exhausting because of some problem with motoric co-ordination. I am very expressive verbally but my vocab is limited because of my ADD. I avoid writing as much as I can. I am a translator and it is almost painful sometimes to type. My hands resist the command that my brain is sending them. It is a real struggle even at this moment.


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