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chris1989
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15 May 2019, 2:56 pm

It makes me feel and look insignificant, seeing other people's photos and videos online on social media of parties with friends, going on nice holidays somewhere with partners, going to very exciting places for the day with friends, and having great lives right now also makes me feel like I've wasted my life without friends to hang out with. I also feel like envious of those people particularly younger than me (29) who say 22 or 23, have finished university, got the job they've aspired to do, own their own business and already proper business people. I know someone, a cousin of mine who is 23 or 24 and is a solicitor and it makes me look back at that age and think 'Why wasn't I at that stage or something? as then, I left university after just 3 or 4 months due to stress of the work there, was then out of work and dealing with moving house. I seem to think everyone finishes university at 22 or 23 and have achieved their goals and dreams already and fully satisfied and content with their lives, got their dream career, got a boyfriend or girlfriend and so on.



Zakatar
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15 May 2019, 4:03 pm

I feel the same way, and I'm six years younger than you... a lot of the people I went to university with have had internships/jobs since their sophomore year, and here I am about to graduate and still haven't found anything.


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treefiddy
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15 May 2019, 4:05 pm

I know this isn't necessarily what you want to hear because it's far easier said than done, but I have two pieces of advice that could help you a lot in the long run:
1) Learn to "compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today"
and 2) Delete all social media. I did this over 2 years ago and could not be happier. It was difficult at first, but I feel 100% better for it now. My anxiety levels have gone down significantly and it's been much easier to implement my first piece of advice and only compare myself to myself.

I definitely empathise with your feelings, but sadly, I've found that there's no easy solution. You have to be disciplined and train yourself to stay focused on your own achievements and make steps to improve your life at a pace you are comfortable with. If you always try your best, that is something to be proud of no matter what stage you're at in your journey.

Oh and all those pictures on social media are BS anyway. There's a girl I know who is apparently posting pictures of herself planning her dream wedding right now, but I know for a fact that her fiance has cheated on her with multiple women and she knows this, but is too afraid to leave him. They are both messed up and it's really sad, but their instagram feed is perfect...so yeah, social media will do you a lot more harm than good and it's not even real.


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Mountain Goat
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15 May 2019, 4:57 pm

I agree. Don't compare yourself to others. You may not know the troubles they face on the inside or the stresses of life which they may encounter.
See if you can start to enjoy being you as you have some really great qualities. The very fact that you are sensitive to things can be diverted into good things. Do you have any hobbies? It may seem inward at first, but it is great to share them with others if you dare! Someone somewhere is bound to like what you like and want to know you as a friend. A good friend overlooks our weaknesses. I also tend to find it hard to make friends. I am not a social sort of person. However, sometimes in life, one can come across a friend for life. Someone who even though you may not see them for a while, if you do visit them or they visit you they are always happy to talk.
I have two friends like this. (Though one who lives just about 12 miles away has his own life so is a little distant, we still keep in touch. The other I chat to every night via a Christian site and he comes over on holiday at least once a year. He has bipolar issues. (Bipolar? His glasses? Maybe he has a compulsion to visit the north and south poles? OK. Humour overload... I know what it is and it's not nice).
Many people are family friends in that they know my mother so get a dose of me at the same time! Haha! Poor people! :D

I really hope that you fid some good friends. Don't forget. Those who avoid you may have their own issues they are trying to deal with so don't think bad of them. They are just not mature enough to understand life. Just relax. If you dare, go for walks or if able ride a bicycle. I know bikes. Something to look forward to. To get out. I habe found a new fascination when I go out walking (Though when cycling I need to concentrate more!) That is to walk in areas where a footpath goes through trees. Wow, I really love the experience of looking up at them. I mean... I feel free alone to do this. (I tend to not want others see me looking as they would think I'm mad! Haha. (Some have their oppinions! HAHAHA!))
There is a world out there to explore so if you are up to it go and see! And just maybe, you may get to meet someone.


I will point out that if you find difficulty in going out, don't worry. I'm sure someone can offer advice. :) Never give up hope.


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breaks0
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15 May 2019, 9:37 pm

chris1989 wrote:
It makes me feel and look insignificant, seeing other people's photos and videos online on social media of parties with friends, going on nice holidays somewhere with partners, going to very exciting places for the day with friends, and having great lives right now also makes me feel like I've wasted my life without friends to hang out with. I also feel like envious of those people particularly younger than me (29) who say 22 or 23, have finished university, got the job they've aspired to do, own their own business and already proper business people. I know someone, a cousin of mine who is 23 or 24 and is a solicitor and it makes me look back at that age and think 'Why wasn't I at that stage or something? as then, I left university after just 3 or 4 months due to stress of the work there, was then out of work and dealing with moving house. I seem to think everyone finishes university at 22 or 23 and have achieved their goals and dreams already and fully satisfied and content with their lives, got their dream career, got a boyfriend or girlfriend and so on.

Tree and Goat's advice are both pretty good. Another thing just to keep in mind, and I know someone else will say it if I don't, is you're 29. Compared to me and Goat, you're still pretty young. I've felt the same as you for a long time, like 20 years or something, feeling left behind, abandoned even. But I'm trying to change now, something therapy and medication is helping with. I don't, for example, have anywhere near the social support system I need, but that doesn't have to be set in stone forever. And if I had as much time left as you still have, there's sooo much more I could do than w/the time I have left. But you still have that time, ALOT of it. USE that time to start building the kind of life you want to have now. That'll over time make those feelings of being left behind disappear and you'll be happier for it.



shortfatbalduglyman
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15 May 2019, 10:19 pm

Chris

Everyone has a different situation

Facebook is not a representative sample of their lives

Jealousy is not tabboo or magic

Just worry more about yourself and less about them

My precious lil "parents" used to correctly tell me that "your sister is so smart. Why are you not like that?"



Nature versus nurture

Counselors told me "do your best" and "you are not your sister"


Nobody said I was my sister

Two cars get in a crash. At least one driver has to pay $$$$$$$. It does not matter, if they did their best



Doctor Spock psychobabble



Mountain Goat
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16 May 2019, 5:32 am

I have to admit that nearly all my life I have not really been one that fits in. However, there are big advantages. It is not a problem to be different. Yes, we all get feelings of hurt etc.
My character is that I dont want to be alone but I don't want to be in groups if you see what I mean. I love having my mum around me. I mean... I am not saying this in a way that means I am not totally dependent on her in any physical way other then at the moment I have no income... But she does not drive and it is quite a tough walk to the nearest bus stop, so we both take over where our weaknesses are. I drive and try to keep a car on the road and she pais for my food and any petrol or diesel. (Why no income or very low income? The last decade or so I have been so hard hit with life that the thought of working full time or even heading for the jobcentre to sign on... It is too much to cope with. Is a case of my wellbeing now is more important then money or a pension (I have now lost so many years of contributions... but I am not thinking about that. Blot it out for now. I leave things like that to God. The things I can't handle. And it is not that I am not capeable. I am, but somehow have reached a stage in life where coping with things is no longer easy. Yesterday my mum called it "Mid life crisis"... But I don't have a Porsche... (Haha. I am not sure if I could afford a toy one at the moment! :) ).

Back to reality. The qualities you have will be a future blessing. Things in the world may be heading for change. You have a quality just by being different and not going with the flow that is un-shakeable in a world which does not understand it. You may not feel it. But think... Think of the "Normal" people. Mr, Mrs, Miss etc "Joe (Or Mildred) public." I mean. People who may seem popular. They can be very very vunerable when things collapse where those of us who are different may not face the same issues if things go terribly wrong in todays society.
I had a thought this morning while waking up in my bed. A thought that came to me out of the blue (Though my bedroom is not blue). If a country has an army (And I was thinking about traditional type of armies) who would make the very best leaders of such armies? And I thought... Wouldn't some on the spectrum of asperges and autism be so ideal to do a job like this? Why? If they can hold things together in themselves, no one else could see all the aspects and think of all the stratergies in such a deep way and cover all possibilities of any enemy surprize advancements like people who have such a comprehensive way of thinking as many on the spectrum do. And I don't know if any of you lot can identify with this. I have crowds and avoid crowded places. However, if I am outdoors and been given a position of athority and a stage to stand on there is something within me that can conquor the fears of public speaking and at times I can really go for it and succeed. Yet, if I was to try to do it as an act, as if I was... Well... Acting like an actor does, I just couldn't do it as I would not be sturred up deep within me. So as long as I can later retreat to my own space after the event and walk off before any praises start or clapping etc I will be find. Go up, do a job and walk off... Preaching over... Job done! (It is where peolke come to me after the event is which I have difficulty in handling as I want to just sit still and recover. And es, of corse if I think about it I am very nurvous before such an event. But somehow a "ROAR" like determination from inside of me to get a message out that has been dwelling inside of me for such a long time will enable me to go up to a centre stage (Very rare for me as I will be shaking inside) and give it my all.
Now I was thinking... If I could do this in battle and keep everything in focus, and use my mid in such a way that I can oversee an entire battle, I could easily outsmart an enemy force as long as the enemy is not another person like me! Haha!

I am just thinking aloud... :D ROAR! HAHAHA!

And I don't know why I am saying this as maybe if I read this again at a later date I will think "Did I actually say that?" Haha! But I thought I would share my thoughts however wild they may be. And no, I am not a social person at all. I somehow don't do social, and find that it is stressful.


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Last edited by Mountain Goat on 16 May 2019, 5:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mountain Goat
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16 May 2019, 5:43 am

Ignore me. I have just woken up out of dream world! Haha! Morning everyone!


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armandreyes
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17 May 2019, 12:42 pm

Me too



Mountain Goat
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17 May 2019, 1:21 pm

Haha.


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I do not know if I have asperges/autism or not. Waiting an assessment.